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Need a way to make him understand

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • September 28, 2019 at 9:27 am #314843
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ana:

    I think that your boyfriend’s concerns are valid and that you should not be in any contact with the guy you hooked up with earlier. Is that guy with whom you hooked up the man from your May thread, your ex boyfriend’s best friend?

    anita

     

     

    September 28, 2019 at 10:05 am #314849
    Ana
    Participant

    Hello anita,

    Yes, it was. And I stopped being in contact with him the moment I told my boyfriend and he pointed out he was not behaving as a friend. I even confronted him about that and he said he was just joking around and thought I knew that.

    I also know his concerns are valid but I don’t think it would be right for us to break up because of this when I never saw this as a threat to our relationship.

    Thanks,

    Ana

     

    September 28, 2019 at 11:01 am #314859
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ana:

    You are welcome. The problem in my mind is not so much that you lied when he asked about whether you hooked up with the guy, but that you continued to talk to the guy while in a relationship with your boyfriend, while the guy “had been making.. sexual comments the whole time”.

    Meaning, you were in a relationship with your current boyfriend and at the same time, you were talking to another man who was making sexual comments to you, allowing the man to make those sexual comments.

    See the problem here?

    anita

    September 28, 2019 at 11:05 am #314863
    Ana
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    I know and I understand that it was bad. But I was in need of a friend and completely ignored those comments. I even offered my boyfriend to read the conversations thinking there was nothing inappropriate there.

    Ana

    September 28, 2019 at 11:21 am #314867
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ana:

    I think I understand. Problem is that for a person to be untrustworthy, it is not enough for the person to not have an intention to cheat and to not have an awareness of cheating.  It is required that the person is aware of what is happening.

    Seems like you didn’t intend to cheat on your boyfriend and that you weren’t aware that it was wrong of you to listen to another man making sexual comments to you while you are in a relationship- but still, you did something wrong.

    “Need a way to make him understand”- first make sure you understand what  it is that you did wrong. Then you will be able to explain it to him in a way that he is more likely to understand and forgive.

    anita

    September 28, 2019 at 12:13 pm #314879
    Ana
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    I fully understand it was wrong first to lie to him, second to let that go on just because I needed a friend and third I should definitely never have become friends with him in the first place. I just truly never thought it would have any impact whatsoever in our relationship because it didn’t have any impact on me or my feelings.

    Thanks,

    Ana

    September 28, 2019 at 12:21 pm #314883
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ana:

    “I just truly never thought it would have any impact whatsoever in our relationship because it didn’t have any impact on me or my feelings”-

    – but see, a relationship with another person is not only about you and your feelings but about him and his feelings as well.

    anita

     

    September 29, 2019 at 4:40 am #314965
    Peggy
    Participant

    Hi Ana,

    Within a short space of time you’ve lied to an amazing man and you’ve continued to engage in constant sexual ramblings on a daily basis with someone else.  You are in denial if you can say that this didn’t have any impact on you or your feelings.  Of course it did – you wouldn’t have done it otherwise.  Now, in your naivety and with nothing to hide, you’ve shared these messages with your new boyfriend and probably destroyed your relationship in the process.  Perhaps you need to come to terms with that.

    Peggy

     

     

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