Dear anna1290:

First, the obvious: don’t do that again- never send naked photos of you to anyone, no matter what or who the intended receiver is.

Second, the two young guys by the bus staring at you and  whispering, this is such a common behavior, young men staring at young women and whispering (things like: look at that body! or… I like her curves, I like a little meat on the bones.. so many, many possible comments)- that it is no indication at all that they saw your naked photos.

Third, unfortunately (for all the girls that do that) a lot of young women send their naked photos, so it is not an abnormality (but should be!!!) – so this guy you sent your naked photos to, he probably received or received such from other young women plus so many, many naked images of women are available online, women that work in the porn industry and otherwise, that … your photos nowadays are likely not such a big deal for him or other men. In other words: they see so many naked photos (still photos and movies) that they probably don’t remember the faces of these women.

Fourth- I am not a computer tech, but I wonder if someone who is can help you figure out where- if anywhere- your photos are online.

What do you think/ feel?

anita

Dear anna1290:

If you have a tendency to obsess and worry about things, practice Mindfulness as a way of life, that is being attentive to what you say and do, so to prevent things to worry and obsess about in the future. Better prevent problems or potential problems- makes life easier that way.

Take this occasion as a lesson learned- not only to never send naked photos of yourself to anyone, but also to live attentively, mindfully and prevent worries and obsessions in the future.

If you see any of those couple of guys again, talk to them, say something like: I noticed the other day you looked at me, I was wondering if we ever met before, maybe I forgot? Ask them in a friendly, casual way. If that happens, their answer may give you the information you need, most likely, that your worry is not true to reality.

Also, if your face is not very distinct, that is, your hair color, facial features are not extraordinary, it is not  likely to be remembered, especially if the image of your face was in the background, a bit unclear.

Another point, if this man is not very angry with you and he doesn’t have a history of being vengeful, punishing, he is not likely to want to punish you by advertising your photos. He received your photos for free, no charge. He is probably satisfied- why punish the giver of a .. free gift?

If he advertised your naked photos and other girls found out that he did, he may not receive any more photos, from other girls that is. See?

anita

Dear anna1290:

There is plenty of literature on Mindfulness: in public libraries, in bookstores (with workbooks as well, I bet, where you do exercises), online, even here on this website, if you click BLOG at the top, the list underneath includes Mindfulness.

Mindfulness takes us from the there-and-then to the here-and-now. We worry about the past and future. Paying attention to the present takes us from  obsession to calm. It takes practice and it works.

Guided meditations are also available online, one series of Mindfulness guided meditation by Mark Williams is excellent.

I suffered from OCD for many years, diagnosed with it and I am doing so much better because, among other things, practicing mindfulness.

Check it out and let me know what you think, will you?

anita

Dear anna1290:

Listen to the words of the guided meditation, take in the words. You can read a book, see how that goes. If you are restless try a movie, or music… or take a fast walk outside (fast aerobic exercise helps anxiety a lot, for one it forces you to take deep breaths)… or a cold shower or a hot bath… so many things you can try, anytime you need to calm down.

“I’m still scared of panic coming”- we are afraid of fear itself, the emotion is very unpleasant so we are afraid of experiencing it. But notice: the emotion itself doesn’t kill- people live anxious their whole lifetime.. all the way to old age. What kills sometimes it taking the wrong action when anxious, for example, driving without paying attention. Often we do things that don’t kill, when anxious, but things that hurt us nonetheless, such as you having sent naked photos or risking pregnancy.

If you are in control of your behavior when feeling fear, you will be safe. Fear itself doesn’t kill and it doesn’t harm.

Makes sense?

anita

Dear anna1290;

The way to manage and heal from anxiety and the obsessive thinking that goes with anxiety is two folds:

1. The Macro (this is how I call it)- being mindful of- and manage- your behavior and external circumstances so to prevent real-life problems, such as pregnancy when you are not interested in getting pregnant, and naked photos being misused, as well as your behavior on the road,  so to prevent accidents, your nutritional and exercise behaviors, so to keep yourself as healthy as possible, and overall making less mistakes.

2. The Micro- this is the paying attention to and managing your thoughts and emotions- which is what you are already doing. Keep saying to yourself that fear is not dangerous (as long as you attend to the Macro). Notice this:

When you are not thinking of the photos you sent, you are not afraid of the photos being misused, correct? When you think of it, you are afraid. This means fear is attached to those thoughts.

If you are in danger of the photos being misused, but you are not afraid when you don’t think of it, does it mean that the danger gone?

My point is that the danger we perceive (when anxious) is the fear itself which is attached to the thoughts. Certain thoughts, once activated, go together with fear.

So avoid (or cut short/ disengage from)  the thoughts- and you avoid (or minimize) the fear.

A thought is not dangerous, never is it dangerous. But when fear goes with it, we get scared of the thought itself. Imagine the billions of people in the world thinking all day long, thousands of thoughts per individual, per day. None is dangerous. They all happen in the short distance between the ears.

anita

Dear anna1290:

I want to read your recent post (and anything you may add to it before I return to the computer) when I am focused, tomorrow morning and will reply then. For now I will correct this sentence in your recent post: “The thoughts are the most dangerous in my case”- correction: the thoughts feel like the most dangerous in my case.

Thoughts are not dangerous; they don’t translate to reality. You can try this- think: “I am an elephant” and look in the mirror: are you an elephant?

Think: I am dead. Are you?

See, I told you so: thoughts are not dangerous.

Be back in about 15 hours from now.

anita

Hi anna1290,

What helps me with “What If?” thoughts is to answer the question.

If I were you and the inexplicable happened, “Hey, I just saw those naked photos!” I’d simply say, “It wasn’t me.”

The more time passes, the more you change my haircut and weight, the older you get, you could totally get away with that theoretical “What If” answer.

“Oh, but your old boyfriend says it’s you.”

Answer: “He has a dark side. You’ve noticed that, right? He was angry that I never sent any naked pics when we were kids, and then he tried to threaten me with a doppelganger’s nude pic off the internet. Sad.”

Another answer: “Um, I take meds for anxiety and suffer from OCD. You think I’d really send nude pics??”

Boom! Theoretically Done!

Best,

Inky