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Exclusion feelings

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  • August 25, 2019 at 12:25 pm #309253
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Barbara:

    You are not a bad person for feeling the anger that you feel, feeling excluded and so forth. We are not guilty for how we feel, no matter what it is that we feel.

    On the other hand we are sometimes guilty of our behavior, when your  behavior is not fair to others. In this particular case, his children should come first in his life. He is their father, he owes them time and attention. Therefore anything you do to keep him away from being a present and attentive father to his children, is bad behavior  on your part.

    I suggest that if it is too difficult for you to be in this particular relationship that you pause it or end it altogether. And make a decision: in the future, choose a man who does not have minor children.

    anita

    August 26, 2019 at 4:11 am #309323
    Peggy
    Participant

    Hi Barbara,

    It’s good that your boyfriend wants to stay in regular contact with his children and I understand why it might not be appropriate for you to be at their mother’s flat during access periods and why the children would be comfortable in their own surroundings.  I think you need to have further discussions with your boyfriend regarding getting a flat closer to where the children live to help with access arrangements.  Ask him honestly if this is what he wants and if it is, perhaps you could look for somewhere initially.

    I think there is room for compromise on this one.  If he has the children one time on his own then I don’t think it is too unreasonable for you to be involved the next time (once every four weeks).  Would it be possible for you to stay in a hotel once a month and go on outings with the children?

    I think if you can work out a plan where both of you can have their feelings acknowledged, you will cease to be angry over this.  What do you think?

    Peggy

     

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