Hi Preston,

Your marriage/relationship is very young.  You both love each other but:

1)  You are suffering from depression.  2)  Your wife’s career has taken off while you feel stuck in yours.  3)  You now want different things from each other.

Coming from a personal standpoint, I don’t think it’s a very good idea to live together whilst remaining friends.  This is bound to cause tensions when one person wants more from another person than that person is willing to give.  Your wife has taken off her ring – this is reinforcing her position (just wants to be friends).

It is perfectly reasonable to want to spend quality time with your other half – this does not indicate ‘neediness’ in itself.

Why would your wife be ‘shocked’ that you have decided to spend a couple of weeks with your father.  As your friend, she should be pleased and supportive of you that you are taking a break and reconnecting with your father.  I suspect that her reaction has come from realizing that she is not calling all the shots.

You have one plan at the moment – to go and see your father.  Focus on that and leave any decision making until later.   See how you feel after two weeks away.  Make sure you treat it like a holiday with trips out, visits to places of interest, doing things that you love to do.  Spend some time thinking about how you can improve your career prospects.  Do you need to update your skills, take on extra training or even think about a career change?  If this isn’t possible, perhaps you could undertake some studies in a subject that you really enjoy totally unconnected to your working life.

The most helpful advice I can give you is to be positive and be grateful.  Positive thought leads to positive action and gratitude brings joy (the opposite of misery).  Focus on these two things while you are away:  I am grateful for……….. (aim for 10 things per day) for instance the aeroplane, money for a flight ticket, your father, your toiletries, your clothes etc.

I don’t know whether your wife will be there when you get back or whether you will ever be able to make it as a couple.  I do know that you have to live with yourself for an awful long time – it’s one relationship that you can never get out of – it really is 24 hours a day 7 days a week.  How are you going to do that other than by being kind, loving and supportive towards yourself?

I wish you all the best for the future.

Peggy