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Spark of Love?

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  • June 1, 2019 at 5:24 pm #296883
    Natalia
    Participant

    Hi,

    I don’t really know how to start, but ever since I can remember (from my first relationship), I always felt like I needed extra attention. Anyways, the relationship lasted for about two years, and I ended it after I found out that my then S/O was cheating on me. Fast forward 3 years, I am one year in a new relationship. It was perfect in the beginning, really, but then I started to feel like i am not getting the attention and love that I need. And to clarify, I didn’t see myself as a needy and clingy person then, but I have been thinking about this for about 7 months now.

    I ask myself questions like “Am I trying too hard” or “Does he really love me” etc. It seems like we don’t have a lot to talk about anymore, and when we spend time together, he always seems so tired and just wants to sleep. I can’t lie, I feel neglected when he is sleeping at 5PM and I am just lying beside him- but don’t get me wrong, I love him truly, and I don’t mind sleeping with him, but I kind of get tired of it when it’s the only thing we do.

    I started a conversation with him not long ago, asking if i was too needy, and if he was tired of the relationship and me as a person- he said no, but then he said “I think that you are the one who is tired of us, and you are too scared to admit it”- which hurt me. And then i realized that maybe I am tired of how things turned out to be compared to how they were. I just miss the happy times, when I was sure I was loved back, we did fun stuff and had much to talk about.

    So what I’m really tring ask myself is “Am I tired of the relationship/being in a relationship, or is this completely normal in long distance relationships?”

    I’d appreciate some advice on this one:)

    June 1, 2019 at 6:10 pm #296903
    Valora
    Participant

    I have a few questions… what kind of attention is it that you want?  Check out the “love languages.” Sometimes it’s a specific thing that we want or a combination, and reading about those things can be helpful to both narrow down what you’re looking for AND you can then let your partner know what you need in a relationship and can see if he will be able to give you those things. He can also figure out what his love language is as well.

    The next thing… why is he so tired? Is he working a lot or weird hours? Does he have an illness?

    I think it’s fairly normal for relationships to cool off after a time when hormone levels return to normal (they’re generally higher in new relationships) and people settle into a daily routine, but it’s possible you two aren’t as romantically compatible as you initially thought OR it’s possible that he’s just really tired for a reason and it’s affecting his life in a lot of different ways. I think it’d be a good start to be direct with him about the kind of attention that you need, with him seeing if he can provide that for you. If he can’t or it’s too much for him to keep up with, that doesn’t mean there’s anything necessarily wrong with him, it just might be that he’s not your match.

    June 2, 2019 at 7:54 am #296993
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Natalia:

    You are in a one year relationship,  “we don’t have a lot to talk about anymore, and when we spend time together, he always seems so tired and just wants to sleep.. I feel neglected when he is sleeping at 5 PM and I am just lying beside him”-

    – well, no wonder the “Spark of Love” is gone or almost gone- it is no longer fun. Reminds me of the song: “Girls just want to have fun”. Not that you want to have fun and nothing else, nothing serious, but fun is a good thing, it helps us go through the distress of life a bit easier, gives us something to look forward to.

    Is he so tired because he works hard, long hours, starting early in the morning?

    anita

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