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how to cross this painful phase of life..

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  • May 7, 2019 at 12:03 pm #292725
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear jasny:

    It seems to me that what happened is that you grew up not connected to your parents, not because you didn’t want to be connected to them but because they didn’t let you. You did your best to adjust and you did a good job at it, focusing on your studies, reading a lot and you “never let anybody come close to (you)”. You graduated college with distinction, got a good job, moved away, lived independently.. and then, you did let someone come close to you.

    This man in your life, you felt connected to him and when he ended the relationship with you, all the feelings you pushed down since your lonely childhood have come to the surface, and these feelings are painful, making it “this painful phase of life” for you.

    I am wondering, is quality psychotherapy or counseling an option for you?

    anita

     

    May 7, 2019 at 12:20 pm #292727
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi jasny,

    Well, of course you might feel devastated. It sounds like this guy was your first real friend, your first real love, your first relationship, your first everything!

    You should not feel suicidal and I’ll tell you why. Life is not like a Disney movie where the princess marries the first person she meets (who turns out to be a prince, by the way!) Statistically you are NOT going to marry the first boyfriend you have. Statistically, NONE of your relationships will be the one that leads to marriage. Generally, people go through several boyfriends and girlfriends (we can Google the exact number) before settling down.

    As for this guy, what I would do is go radio silence on him. Give him a chance to miss you. When he calls assure him that you are still alive and then tell him you have to run you’re late to a meeting, or whatever…. No one wants to be held emotional hostage by a suicidal person. You are holding him emotional hostage. You really think he will come back to you if you keep this up?

    Best,

    Inky

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