Hello everyone

I have a problem and i feel guilty because of my impulsivity

On 2017 i dated my baby daddy, i knew him since we were young, he moved and live in another town because he lost all his family and had to live with his aunt

It was the same night we were together er i fell pregnant, i knew he had 1 son who was 11 years old and after i was pregnant i found out he has another son, i stayed anyway

We stayed together throughout the whole pregnancy, until i wad 8 months , he had to move to the city for work. By then communication faded

I gave birth on march 2018, he never came to see the baby, we fought i said words i shouldn’t have said about his dad, and we broke up, we communicated again in june then again break all communication, then again on november he said he is coming home, he never came to see the baby i got so angry and confronted him.

He gave his new gf a phone she insulted me and call my son a fatherless badtard, i got angry again and said his just like his father since his father is also not in his life, long story short, i ended up saying atleast i never made abortion like his mother who cheated on his dad and got to fake doctors and kill a baby, then she died

I regret saying this and i cry everynight about this

I forget this when i am around my family but when i am alone i feel depressed and miserable , i even have nightmares of my future husband leaving me for another woman.

I feel like it’s always my fault that i ruined my relationship with my baby daddy