norit,

This guy cross boundaries and someone does not have integrity.  I applaud you for holding onto YOUR integrity and boundaries.  You are taking care of yourself.  Take care of yourself, not him.  He is a grown ass man. He is the one who has had training, the position, and the rules.

Take care of yourself first.  Does that help?

Mark

Dear norit:

Good to read from you again!

I believe that at the end of last month you received the keys to your own place- did you move out of your parents home and are you living on your own now?

My second question is regarding this man- was he some sort of counselor or facilitator who was part of the therapy group in which you were a patient?

anita

Dear norit:

I am doing ok, thank you for asking. I am so glad you have the keys and are getting the basics set up, how exciting indeed, moving in this very weekend. I hope to read from you once you are there, anytime you are in your own place and feeling nervous, you are welcome to post here. When I spot a post from you I will reply every time.

So this man is a peer support worker, “closer to the patient”, but too close in this case. I need to be away from the computer in a few moments. When I return, in about 12 hours from now I will re-read your posts on this thread and anything you may add by then, and reply when I return.

anita

Dear norit:

I re-read your posts this morning. Here are my thoughts:

The staff already knew about his attraction to you, it was quite visible and audible, “The staff found out we were friendly, and told him it’s inappropriate”, and later, “He was approached again by the staff who separated him from me during sessions”.

He may not at all be fired if the staff knew more of what happened. Reads to me that they have little expectations of professional conduct from a peer support worker, the lowest rank of staff. I suppose he is quite good at what he does, being very personable, pleasant, empathetic, and the higher rank staff members may think that it will be very difficult to find a replacement for him: someone with a personality as desirable as his and low education/ certification and corresponding low salary.

It may be a good idea for you to make an appointment with one of the higher level staff members, the highest, if possible, and talk to that person, in private. Tell that person what you shared here, just as you did.  Let him or her know that you want to continue group therapy, and the volunteering at the café, that at this point you feel uncomfortable and you need help with this.

Tell that higher or highest staff member that you will soon be moving to your own place and you will need group therapy and the volunteering job (and whatever other help/ support is available for you) so to successfully adjust to living on your own!

What do you think?

anita

Dear norit:

My biggest concern at this point is that you move to your own place and do well with the transition. I wouldn’t like this issue to be in your way of making this promising transition. Is there an alternative treatment option for you- a different clinic, a new place?

anita

Dear norit:

I am glad you are excited about moving and that it is good nerves mostly!

If you are moving to an isolated area, doesn’t it mean that the group therapy and the coffee shop were you volunteered, those will not be close enough for you to attend regardless of the ex boyfriend/ staff member issue?

(I will be away from the computer for a few hours).

anita

Dear norit:

Changes are difficult, no  wonder packing is stressful to you, and when distress goes up, our brain automatically detach, so to reduce the stress. I will reply further to your post (and anything you add to it, and please do add as much as you need to) when I rturn in about 13 hours.

anita