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To move in or not? Advice please

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  • This topic has 5 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 6 years ago by Anonymous.
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  • April 19, 2019 at 11:00 am #289787
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear April:

    I don’t understand: was the plan at any one point that he lives with you in IL (you are there for the rest of 2019 and maybe part of 2020?)?

    Is Ashley Oks in NC or in IL?

    anita

    April 19, 2019 at 4:03 pm #289851
    Mark
    Participant

    April,

    I am trying to understand your post.

    Is this right…? You are living in IL now and he still lives in NC

    I have not read any compelling reasons on why you should move in with him.

    Your bf has said he wants to have a stronger relationship before moving in.  What does he mean by that?  Do you agree?

    Do you plan to move back to NC?  If so, when?

    Mark

    April 20, 2019 at 2:38 am #289899
    April
    Participant

    Anita – The plan was to move to Chicago to help my grandparents for about a year and move back to NC at the end of this year or beginning of the next year. Ashley Oaks is in Nc.

    Mark- as far as being stronger, he wants us not to have arguments basically. Part of me just feels as though he just isn’t ready to commit 100%. I believe if I was to get my own place (in nc), then he would want us to try moving in again because he keeps going back and forth. Idk I know I’m confusing but its confusing to me.

    April 20, 2019 at 7:03 am #289909
    Mark
    Participant

    April

    I don’t see any compelling reason to move in together. It seems from all what you are saying is that it is your boyfriend who wants this, not you.

    Mark

    April 20, 2019 at 9:59 am #289941
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear April:

    Reads to me that the bickering between the two of you need to stop and replaced by calm communication, as calm as possible, and respectful. My therapist at the time taught me the key to effective communication: EAR. It stands for Empathy, Assertiveness and Respect.

    -No B (Bickering) in EAR, and A doesn’t stand for Aggression, but for Assertiveness.

    Can you make a pact with him, and EAR pact and take it from there?

    anita

     

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