Dear norit:

Welcome back!

I am not focused enough to reply to you as thoroughly as I would like but I am writing anyway to suggest to you that you confirm the offer as soon as possible and take the opportunity to move out of your parents’ home- it is looooooong overdue.

Please re-read your previous threads as calmly as you can, take notes and you will see that moving out is a good move. You’ve been anxious for many years, no wonder you are anxious now as well. Choose well for you  in spite of this anxiety.

I will be back in about 14 hours. I hope other members reply to you as well. Please add as many posts as you want, type as much as you want into your thread, it may help with your anxiety. I will read all that you add here and will reply when I am back to the computer.

anita

Dear norit:

How interesting it is that you posted exactly on this date a year ago and two years ago.

On March 21, 2017 you posted a reply to a member, Henry: “Hello Henry, My thoughts: In order to be your best for other people, would it not be good to love yourself first? Focus on yourself, show yourself love, spend time and energy on yourself. That way you can be your best self for others. E.g. My mum has spent several years putting everyone else first. She’s now exhausted, has no life of her own, is very depressed and lost… I wish more than anything she would care about herself and focus on herself. I miss the person she used to be when she had her own life and hobbies- and seeing her joy made me happy, so she is happy and I am happy too”.

– what this two year old post tells me is that you are having a difficulty leaving your mother’s home because you need her (not because she needs you). You need her to be happy and you are still trying to make her happy, still waiting to see her happy. It is as if you resolved to not leave your mother until you see her happy.

But for your mother’s own interest, it is better that you move out because it will make it more possible for her to .. focus on herself, just what you would like her to do!

Your post of a year ago, March 21, 2018 was written to me. You wrote there: “If someone were to think of me all the time, and put me first all the time.. it’d make me quite uncomfortable to be honest.. they wouldn’t feel like a friend, but more like a servant”-

– don’t think about your mother all the time, don’t put her first.. don’t be her servant. After all, it is better for her if you do move out.

anita

Dear norit:

You are welcome. I am looking forward to you posting (before and) after you move to your own place, I am excited for you!

“I  keep waiting for something bad to happen”- but something bad already happened, you already worry, “getting suicidal thoughts still”- some bad things already happened to bring about your significant anxiety and poor quality of life so far. What happened is your family home, that hostile place that you will be leaving soon, finally!

Progress will take place, your quality of life will improve once you move out of your family home, stay away and start the healing process living on your own, away from the war-zone called home.

anita