I’m in a relationship with a man I met on a dating app 2 1/2 years ago. We live over 100 miles apart so we are long distance. Recently we’ve been talking about moving the relationship on and he has been looking for jobs where I live.

I love this man, I really enjoy his company, we get along so well and have had so much fun over the years. We still look at each other and touch each other with the same love and tenderness that we did in the beginning. We still have the same spark and chemestry that we did in the beginning.

One year after our first date I found out a horrible thing about what had happened at the end of his last relationship. There had been violence involved and it shook me to the core. I confronted him and he explained what had happened and how his ex had been abusive and a lot of information. He got friends to talk to me about it also. After a lot of hurt and heartache I forgave him for hiding the truth from me and although I do not condone what happened I accepted it and decided to give him a second chance.

During the situation he confessed he’d smoked cannibis (he knew I do not like drugs) he said he wanted to make sure there was nothing else I could find out that would hurt me. He promised he wouldn’t do it ever again.

Fast forward less than a year, that was in the July this was the following April. He was talking to me about how he felt he’d been drinking too much, I asked if he’d smoked any cannibis. He said no (I knew he was lying I could feel it in my gut) we argued a little and then no more was said. But I couldn’t leave it my gut was telling me he lying. So I asked him again and he continued to lie, eventually he said if I tell you will you help me? I said yes so he admitted he had been at first he said a couple of times and tried to blame a friend for pressuring him into it then he admitted he never stopped he was smoking it regularly and hiding it from me.

He then went on to disclose to me information that I won’t go into on here that he believed to have caused him to become dependant on using the drugs he told he’d also taken other drugs and hidden it from me. He agreed to go to counselling to work through his issues and I forgave him.

Fast forward to now, I can only describe our relationship as a happy one.  We have arguments of course we do like everyone but generally we are happy. He makes a lot of effort in our relationship driving a long way to see me as much as he can and I tell him how much I appreciate that and try to show him that appreciation in different ways. I am by no means perfect, I can be very insecure and jealous at times but when I am I apologise and we talk thing through and move on. Recently I’ve started to work on myself a lot around that and regularly meditating and I feel it’s helping. I didn’t want to push him away and was aware it was my issue.

This weekend he has sat me down and told me as part of his counselling he needs to tell me a couple of things that might upset me. First of all he says he’s never cheated on me but when we first started dating he went on one date with another girl and never told me (I asked him one time if he’d been on any dates since our first date as I know people often are and he said no) he then told me that on a lads holiday 3 month into being with me a girl kissed him in a club and he pulled away but not quick enough). The first time he told me he loved me was on that lads holiday. We were arguing I was upset he then admitted that he went on 3 dates with the girl at the start and kissed her after telling me at first it was just one date and nothing happened. We argued all weekend and he evdntually admitted after telling me at first he’d never cheated on me and the girl at the club kissed him. He then admitted that after that when he got home from the lads holiday he went round to a girls house to watch a dvd and he kissed her. So after all weekend telling me he hadn’t cheated on me and how it would be different if he’d kissed the girl at the club but she had grabbed him and kissed him it turns out he has cheated on me after telling me he loved me he went to another girls house and kissed her. He says he didn’t sleep with her but he has lied that much that I don’t know what to believe.

Hes said he knows he has issues with lying and wa still to fix himself so that he doesn’t keep lying. He made an emergency appointment to see his counsellor tonight as he wouldn’t have been seeing him for a couple of weeks.

sorry I know this is long and thank you to anyone who reads this. I don’t know what to do I’m utterly heart broken. I love this man and love the relationship but I keep forgiving his lies and decieving. Isn’t there a saying people only treat you how you let them. Haven’t I allowed him to continuing lying to me everytime I have forgiven him? If I forgive him again will he just continue to lie? Is he still lying now has he done more than kissed another girl. Has he done something more recent? I know you can’t answer these questions. I’m no innocent angel this weekend I’ve screamed and shouted at him, I’ve said horrible things and called him nasty names I’m not perfect either.

I just don’t know what to do, I haven’t told any friends or family they know about the other times but also chose to forgive him, I’m not sure they will or will want me to forgive him again.

I don’t know whether I’m just attached to the joy him and the relationship bring to me and that’s why I can’t let go or that I believe he’s been through a lot and is working on himself and he deserves my forgiveness and support.

He says he think he should let me go as he has hurt me so much but that he doesn’t want to because he loves me.