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too much pressure on my relationship??

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  • October 2, 2018 at 6:25 am #228573
    mallllh
    Participant

    I need help, I don’t know how to stop putting so much pressure on my relationship with my boyfriend. We love each other so much but recently all my friends moved away so I currently have no friends where I live, he has lots of friends and a busy job and my job is boring and I get in my head way too much while working. I spend the whole day worrying about the negative things in our relationship, and then go home and nag at him with things that should be over with. I don’t know how to stop this pattern, I want to be with him but I don’t know how to stop and move on from the little fights. when I had a full time job that was more fast pace and busy and my friends were in town our relationship was amazing but I don’t know if its cause he’s the only person I hangout with so I put all the pressure on him to make me happy and keep me busy? I want to meet new friends  and start worrying about myself more but im having such a hard time. this is going to ruin our relationship if I don’t stop, I just need some guidance!!

    October 2, 2018 at 8:34 am #228599
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear mallllh:

    It is not a good idea to keep fighting until you find a more interesting job and make friends. It is a good idea and a possible one, to stop fighting immediately. Whenever you feel angry at him, whenever you notice that you are about to start a fight of any kind, take a slow, deep breath and then another. Take time out, a walk outside or distract yourself washing dishes or such thing. Then, when you are calm enough and in control, talk to him.

    Let’s say you’ve done all that but the moment you talk to him, you get distressed and angry. Now what?

    My answer to my own question: endure the distress. Tell him you need to get away from the ph0ne or otherwise, need to get away for a bit and will be back to him (take a time out), or else, just endure the distress without starting a fight.

    As you practice this necessary self control, work on the long term solutions, finding a more engaging job and making friends.

    anita

    October 3, 2018 at 5:20 am #228761
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi mallllh,

    This sounds like a personal challenge for you. You are taking all your inner discomfort out on your poor boyfriend. He is expected to process all your emotions. He can’t do it. No one can do it!

    Tell him you are going to be in silence for one day. No talking. It will almost kill you. But if you can handle that without screaming, then next week tack on two days. Or go away for a weekend without the phone. Once you are comfortable with your own inner discomfort, then you can connect better with your boyfriend.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

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