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Ptsd it's been all about him for 4 years now

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • August 8, 2018 at 8:03 am #220701
    Mark
    Participant

    Bobi Jane

    Are you getting any emotional support?  Friends?  Family?  Therapist?

    Being at rock bottom makes it hard to be resourceful in changing your life towards the positive.

    You are at a place that is unhealthy, for you and for your children.  You know you need to change your situation.

    Go start getting help to do that.  One step at a time.

    Mark

    August 8, 2018 at 9:04 am #220711
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Bobi jane:

    Reads to me that he is giving you 100% responsibility for anything and everything that has been wrong in his life, blaming you. He is invested in blaming you. Likely, he feels better pointing the finger of blame at you- when he talks to his family members and friends and blame you, he gets their sympathy. When he blames you directly, he feels justified to .. do nothing at all about the failing relationship. It is convenient for the one blaming and as you know, it is very distressing to be the one blamed.

    As long as this continues, this is a bad relationship for you to be in. I don’t see a way for you to be healthy in this dynamic, being the blamed one, the Guilty One.

    If you told him that you will take responsibility for your part in the failure of the relationship, but not for his part; if you suggested to him that he has some responsibility for what has gone wrong in his life, how would he respond?

    anita

    August 10, 2018 at 8:09 am #220995
    Bobi jane
    Participant

    Thanks for taking the time to read this sorry I’ve not responded sooner it’s summer holidays and all kids are home. I have said to him that it’s not all me he just turn gets angry and accuses me of gas lighting. But o feel it’s him doing that if I manage toget my point across he then ignores me it’s so difficult at times we are happy ‘i guess’ but only if it’s what he gets all he wants.

     

    August 10, 2018 at 9:10 am #221011
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Bobi jane:

    The kids keep you busy, busier during summer. You are paying a heavy price for living with him, to void yourself in this relationship, in your home, to be The Wrong One, the guilty one. “it’s been all about him for 4 years now”. Question is how longer can it continue this way.

    Being busy with the children helps, I suppose, the “happy ‘I guess” times, help somewhat. Another question is, can you live separately from him, end the marriage. Is that an option for you?

    anita

    August 10, 2018 at 9:35 am #221019
    Bobi jane
    Participant

    Thanks Mark sorry I didn’t see your reply to my post. Your right I guess one step at a time I don’t think I have the confidence to go any faster!

    August 10, 2018 at 9:49 am #221031
    Bobi jane
    Participant

    I don’t know is the honest answer I live him we have kids and we have been together a long time. I get angry that no one would help me when he was ill it was all about him sounds stupid I know. I still don’t really understand much about what happened during his time in hospital or his therapy. I had to learn what ptsd was through Google. I don’t really think you ever get cured so to speak. I know he loves me he doesn’t drink anymore. I  was thinking of having some sort of counselling for me but will he throw it in my face when we row? Maybe we are both just clinging onto each other. The kids adore him he does do things with then maybe I’m scared they won’t wanna be with me.  All I know is I’ve got to do something for me. I absolutely love being a stay at home mum and I’m grateful I was able to do that. B7t some he was ill things have changed we have both changed I need to try and believe in myself I guess.

    August 10, 2018 at 10:27 am #221041
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Bobi jane:

    Maybe quality counseling will help you, I think it is a good idea if such is available to you. There are many things to consider: the kids, six of them, you staying at home, and you see some redeeming quality about him, knowing he loves you. Meaning somehow he communicates love to you..?

    anita

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