Forgiving Myself - Please Help?

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This topic has 7 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 4 months ago by Anonymous.

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July 9, 2018 at 4:40 pm #216023

Rye
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Hi Everyone out there,

So just to cut to the chase, when I was a kid (think preteen/tween age), I did bad things. I won’t detail them but it involved my use and manipulation of other people, kids, my age and younger. By the time I hit 13/14 or so, I realized what I was doing was wrong and I self corrected and have been better for it ever since (I am 25 now). However, every now something triggers me to that time and I experience overwhelming amounts of guilt, self-hatred and anxiety. What if my family finds out? What if that was really who I am on the inside and I’m a terrible person? What have I done?

Forgiving myself for those instances has been hard but I know it needs to happen soon. I realized this, as well as other unresolved issues have been the root of my general disapproval of myself. Does anyone have any tips?

July 10, 2018 at 5:18 am #216099

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Rye:

Without giving the details, can you state in a general way what those bad things were? I need a general idea of what those things were so to be able to suggest those tips you are asking for.

anita

July 10, 2018 at 1:13 pm #216185

Peter
Participant

hi Rye

In my opinion there is nothing more we can ask of others and ourselves is that when we learn better we do better.

The reality of consciousness is that we become conscious in moments of tension – we don’t become conscious of cold until we experience the tension between the experience of cold and hot. Meaning we tend to learn things the hard way.

I know today there is a tendency to judge people base on a single moment, even if that moment happened years ago when we did not know what we know now. But we are more then a single experience, we are more then the sum of our parts. That you could learn and correct your behavior, and your concern with becoming that person again says great deal about you. That to is a part of the whole

Forgiveness is a concept that it more often then not misunderstood, let alone self forgiveness. Its important to remember that forgiveness does not remove responsibility or accountability. A part of forgiveness is making amends when required and this may or may not evolve those that you harmed. Having made the commitment to learn from your past and do better counts. Self forgiveness also involves amends to the self. Just as your experience likely opened you to compassion towards others you need to have compassion for yourself.

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have a memory that fills them with shame when something triggers it. Its not a great feeling yet it keeps us aware and asking the question of who we are and wish to be and if we are living up to those values.

July 12, 2018 at 8:17 am #216353

The Wanderer
Participant

Hey,

I can relate to you as I myself have carried guilt for longest period of time. The thing about guilt is that it is a pull resistance in our lives i.e. it pulls us back… as the African proverb goes, “if there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do no harm”.

So guilt is that internal enemy. You need to know that in order to over come it.

How did I do away with my guilt?

1. I stopped trying to run away from it and embraced it that yes it was I who did those act(s) / thing(s). Embracing it means that I am only human and we are bound to make mistakes because that is called living. To err is human, so allow yourself to be human… nothing wrong in it at all.

2. I raised my awareness around underlying reason(s) for doing why I did and what I did.

3. Forgiveness has two parts. One is to say sorry to yourself and to God and other to commit to yourself to not repeat if you face similar situation. But in case if you do, then nothing wrong still, just repeat the process of forgiveness.

4. Look around people who are going through similar problem and talk to them and share your story and help them out.

We all are amazing people, so stop beating yourself by thinking that you are a terrible person. Accept yourself and Be yourself because you are perfect the way you are always.

July 18, 2018 at 1:03 pm #217515

Rye
Participant

Anita,

Thank you for your response. If I’m being honest, that’s the most comfortable I am with sharing. I don’t want to detail any further for a lot of reasons, if that’s okay. Kinda new to this forum life, lol.

July 18, 2018 at 1:05 pm #217517

Rye
Participant

Hey Peter,

Thank you for response. I appreciate what you said about the single moment, I know I definitely get wrapped up in defining who I am by single moments. Working on understanding and loving myself throughout all of these moments.

July 18, 2018 at 9:19 pm #217561

Anonymous
Inactive

Rye,

Do you think you would be comfortable speaking about your guilt of these incidents with a therapist? A therapist will look at the situation from a standpoint to help you work through your guilt. “What if my family finds out? What if that was really who I am on the inside and I’m a terrible person? What have I done?” are feelings that I have often, but working these issues out with a therapist and an OCD specialist has been the best thing for me, and probably would benefit you.

July 19, 2018 at 8:16 pm #217769

Prash
Participant

The past cannot be changed. Vestiges of it will continue, memories are likely to happen. How you are going to deal with them is what is important. Memories, thoughts are not who you are. They are transient. It is in your control how you can choose to respond to those memories. When you have decided that you are going to respond to them positively then that is the person who you are today not the person who did those mistakes.

July 25, 2018 at 7:54 am #218645

Alan
Participant

Ive done something im really not proud of when i was young i let my family dog lick me down below and i touched his bits makes me feel sick thinking about it i was in my early to mid teens
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