Dear Brian:

My suggestions are:

1. If you are a good father to your son, not aggressive with him at all, providing him with safety, in relationship with you, attentive to him.. then consider a disappearing act, that is relocating secretly to a different state/country with your son,  so not to be found by her. This may be the only way to protect your son from severe abuse.

If #1 is not possible, then

2. See to it that you no longer get in trouble with the law yourself in any way. Do not allow her into your home, make sure you don’t find yourself with her alone.

3. Take the legal route, strictly legal. All communication with her should be what your attorney/ the court recommends or instructs. See your relationship with her as a legal matter, not personal, best you can, that is. Have your attorney (a good attorney, I hope) do all he or she can to show the courts that she is the severely abusive mother that she is.

4. Be a good father to your son, be that safe place for him, a place where he feels safe, seen and understood. Don’t leave him alone with his own fears and sadness. A child can be very resilient and heal from a whole lot if there is someone there for him, if he is not alone with his fears and sadness. Pay attention to him, listen to him, repeat to him what he expresses to you (in whatever way, being a three year old). Let him know he has you to help him, to hold him when he is scared.

anita

Dear Brian:

Tell me more about the hate for her. It is understandable to me, that you are intensely angry at her, on an ongoing basis, but I would like to read more from you, what thoughts are involved in your anger, what angers you about her most (and least)?

anita

Dear Brian:

I very much like your reply, not wanting to be distracted from your son. Will be glad to read your next post whenever you post it.

anita