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Anxious intrusive thoughts about past and current relationship

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  • April 21, 2018 at 4:35 am #203433
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Griffin:

    Welcome to the Forums, a delight to have you here.

    You wrote: “The thinking about exes is kind of a universal issue”- I would like to look at why you are thinking about your ex, as a personal issue.

    You wrote: “I am a believer in open relationships and the idea that love is ever expanding. There is no cap on love, to love someone new or more does not take away from previous love for others… But it seems in practice this is very difficult for me”.

    You believe these things. But maybe what you believe is not true to reality. When we believe something that is not true to reality, there is distress involved. Part of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is correcting false core beliefs.

    Are you open to the idea that what you wrote you believe in is not true to reality, at least in part and in certain contexts?

    anita

     

     

     

    April 21, 2018 at 5:19 am #203435
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Griffin,

    I think you delved into a new relationship too quickly. That feeling of being in love takes a couple years to dissipate to regular love.

    I also think you’re not being fair to the new girl. Tell her the truth about your remnant feelings and thoughts that won’t go away anytime soon.

    Time is your friend.

    Best,

    Inky

    April 21, 2018 at 11:04 am #203493
    Griffin
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thanks for your response! Yes, I am open to that. I was thinking about that the past few days, but even if those are not things I believe at core it doesn’t change how I feel about this new person. I still am faced with a similar challenge. But I see your point, and am definitely open to such.

     

    Inky

    Thank you for your response as well! I agree and understand but I wouldn’t want to wait years until I’m truly fully over someone to just see someone else again, which might not be what you’re saying.

     

    I have told her, and talked to her about all of. it.

     

     

    April 22, 2018 at 5:49 am #203535
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Griffin:

    Reads to  me that you think of love of the woman in your life as a philosophical issue: “love is ever expanding. There is no cap on love”. Thing is, love for a woman in your life is very much a matter of a biological emotional attachment. Not different in principle than the emotional attachment that motivates a fawn to follow his mother. The fawn does not entertain thoughts about what love is and what it should be. It simply feels attached to its mother and so, it follows her everywhere she goes, feeling safe when in her presence and anxious if separated.

    What do you think?

    anita

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