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  • February 23, 2018 at 8:41 am #194015
    Missy
    Participant

    After many years working in an office job I enjoyed I was given a new boss.  This boss was awful, toxic and destroyed my confidence.  I was very unhappy and stressed.  I took an opportunity to take redundancy and leave.  I decided to use some of my previous skills and knowledge and get in to a field that will hopefully lead me to a more creative job which will be more interesting for me.  Obviously I have to start at the bottom of this field and therefore I am not earning as much.   My friends are all progressing in their jobs, earning twice as much as me, and are constantly undermining my decision.  They are all extrovert, confident people who want to manage others.  I have never had a desire to manage people.  Because I was very stressed out in my previous job (it should not have been such a stressful job) I said I wanted a less stressful job but they treat this like a failure.  Like I am copping out and just want an easy life.  I am proud of myself for the decision I made.  As an introvert to be out there and changing things is really hard.  Why can they not see this and be supportive?

    February 23, 2018 at 9:49 am #194093
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Missy:

    If I understand correctly, you left a higher paying and stressful job for a lesser paying job where you see a future (reads to me like a good choice). You feel proud for having made that decision. Your friends, after the fact that you left the higher paying job, are criticizing you for having done so, undermining your decision.

    You asked: “Why can they not see this and be supportive?” You are asking why they cannot see that you are proud of having made this decision, for carrying it through and for needing their support, correct?

    If they criticized your decision before you carried it through, I would think that maybe they saw a positive use for their criticism. But they criticize you when there is no possible good use for their input.

    Maybe the answer is in this sentence you wrote about your friends: “they re all extrovert confident people who want to manage others”- maybe the way they manage others is criticizing and undermining others. Some people manage other people this way in the work place and at home, in relationships and in friendships. They feel and act superior, on top when they undermine others, encouraging them to feel inferior.

    Could it be?

    anita

    February 23, 2018 at 2:24 pm #194137
    Peter
    Participant

    Your extroverted friends do not intend not to support you… they are just less likely to understand why you don’t want the same things as they do. Understandable as most of the messages we receive from various media are about wanting/needing to “have it all”… even though few people know what “having it all” means or would even look like or what they would do if they had it.

    Your doing what is best for you and that is all that matters. Well done!  Though yes it would be nice if your friends could see that.

    Have you read the book ‘Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking’  by Susan Cain?

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Peter.
    February 26, 2018 at 8:18 am #194763
    Missy
    Participant

    Hi Both,

    Thats right, I have changed my job to have a better future.  Irrelevant of the pay.  I want to enjoy my life not just do something for more money.  I definitely agree that my friends encourage me to feel inferior.  Maybe they dont intend not to support me like you say, they just dont understand.  I have tried explaining to them.  Unfortunately it feels like a trait of extroverts is to not listen and for introverts to not want to yell to get their point across!

    I havent read that book.   I will definitely look in to that.

    February 27, 2018 at 7:31 am #194973
    Mark
    Participant

    Missy, I second the recommendation of Susan Cain’s book.  She has a TED talk as well.  You can find it on YouTube or on the TED website.

    Mark

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