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I still don’t know if he cheated

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  • February 6, 2018 at 1:17 pm #191105
    Mark
    Participant

    Sophie,

    You two are done after a year.  Move on. That was the past.  You have broken contact with him.

    My take on past relationships is to learn what was my part in it.  I see all relationships as a learning opportunity about how I am/was.  What made me choose her?  What was in me that made me want to be the boyfriend?  What made us incompatible?  What was my part in the breakup?  What areas of growth are for me?

    Sophie, why is it important for you to absolutely know whether or not he cheated on you or not?  Would your shame be any less?  I would work on not going into your shame place instead.

    There is a TED talk by Bene’ Brown about shame.  There is a video of her talking with Oprah as well on shame.

    Mark

    February 7, 2018 at 6:00 am #191191
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sophie:

    Did I understand correctly: a year ago the monogamous relationship with him ended. For a year after the two of you continued a non-monogamous relationship, that is, he was dating another woman while still dating you. Recently you ended all contact. You have wondered for a while if over a year ago he was already dating this woman he is still dating. Did I understand correctly?

    I also wonder about your feeling of shame that you mentioned: “I have this feeling of being ashamed”. Can you tell me more about this feeling?

    anita

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