I’m sorry you are going through this. Break-ups are never easy (and if I’m being honest, it looks like that is what this is). You don’t mention your age but I imagine you are in your 20s? I feel like men have the need to explore during this decade, not wanting to be tied down. When something has longevity (and then bigger commitments rear their head), people are often forced to contemplate whether this is what they really want – or if they want to see what else is out there in the world. What other connections can be made. My gut is telling me that is what happened here. The relationship ran its course and he finally made the decision to end it.

Don’t take this personally. It happens to everyone. You even wrote that part of you “doesn’t want him back”, which is a good sign as subconsciously you might also be realizing that this isn’t what you wanted or needed long-term either.

One personal anecdote I will add is that I found him texting you at work to initiate the break-up to be very immature. It also shows lack of respect for you and what you both shared for two years. This happened to me once. I was dating someone for a year and randomly – no previous discussion whatsoever like you had – he texted me at work to tell me that it wasn’t going anywhere and he just wanted to be friends. I was gutted. But then I became insulted. I’m now more offended that he lacked the balls to do it in person face-to-face.

Think about that.

Love is important in life. Respect is also important. There is someone out there that can give you all these things and you will meet them someday. It will take time to get over this, but don’t stop believing that.

Hi J,

I’m very sorry this happened. I have always believed in the quote “if a man really wants to be with you, he will be with you, no excuses, period.” I would not count on him coming back. I agree with the post above. It was very immature and disrespectful of your feelings to break-up with you in such an innapropriate manner. Let’s say you do get back together? Could you honestly trust him? Would you be constantly be fearful that one day, because he doesn’t know what he wants, you will receive the same “break-up” message”. Don’t you feel you deserve better?

Never make someone “your life” because then you are putting your happiness in control of someone else, and no one wants that responsibility. Men can sense neediness and clingyness, and they will distance themselves. They don’t want to be someone’s life. They want their significant other to have their own dreams, friends, hobbies, passions, goals, they don’t want a fearful girlfriend, because if you have fear, you can’t have dreams. So, what you can do, is learn to enjoy your own company, and love yourself. Only then, when men are you independent, such as single and happy with your life and hobbies, you will find yourself attracting the right man..a secure man. Like attracts like. What you are, will attract the same in a man. If you are fearful, anxious, need a man to make you happy, worry, co-dependent, don’t have hobbies, goals, dreams and aspirations, you will attract the same in a man..a man, who is also not secure, one who is fearful, depenndent, anxious, disrespectful, distant, etc. My best advice, become happy being single, get involved with volunteer work, work at a soup kitchen, animal shelter, go to a nursing home and talk to people who are lonely and have no one. Find hobbies, join a bookclub, go out with friends, join a social club, be happy without a man. As soon as that happens, you will attract the healthy, emotionally available, loving man you deserve. x