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When is Giving Too Much?

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  • January 24, 2018 at 10:08 am #188627
    Lucas
    Participant

    Hello, everyone. This is my first time around these parts, but since everyone here seems to be very kind and useful, I thought I would ask a question.

    Lately, I haven’t felt like doing much. I’m asking myself to figure out why. Usually, I volunteer at least three times a week helping at the library and at an adult ed center to help adults earn their GEDs and improve their lives. Both the students and the teachers seem to be very fond of me, but even that has not been enough to motivate me to get out of bed lately.

    I have a job at a group home on Fridays and weekends, and to be honest, it is quite stressful, and I dread going there, but I feel like more than anything, I want to make a difference in someone’s life, so I continue onward.

    I haven’t graduated from college, since I could never figure out what I wanted to do. I know that it would be beneficial for me to get it done, but it is hard for me to find the energy to do it at this time. For the time being, I am just taking a career development course to at least plod me along.

    If I am being honest, I feel very tired and worn out all the time, but I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want to just do nothing because I would be wasting my time. If you could help me with this, any advice would be appreciated.

     

    January 24, 2018 at 10:19 am #188633
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi Lucas.

    If there is something you are doing in your life that is more life depleting rather than life enhancing then you probably don’t want to continue that.

    Great that you want to make a positive difference.  Good for you!

    You should know you can do that in many ways so you should not feel stuck with your group home job.

    Perpetual fatigue may be sign of depression or a number of other things, physical as well as psychological.   You may want to get a workup/physical to help determine that.

    You may also want to consider doing something just for yourself that is fun.  In order to help others, you need to take care of yourself first.  You may think it is a selfish indulgence but it is the opposite.

    Mark

    January 24, 2018 at 10:34 am #188647
    Lucas
    Participant

    Hello, Mark. Thanks for your advice. I’ve recently been looking into a paraprofessional program. The hours are more flexible, and I will be working with young children, which I think will be great.

    I think it goes beyond not wanting to do anything fun, though. Lately, I have not wanted to do much of anything, but I force myself to because I know that doing nothing is not an option: it just feels like doing anything is a chore.

    I currently have two friends that are suffering from depression, and I am trying my very best to be there for them, but it feels exhausting at times, and sometimes I don’t want to answer them back when they try talking to me.

    I also would like to make a positive difference in my community, which has been ravaged by poverty, but even this feels exhausting.

    I think I should probably get a check-up and see if there is something going on, but I feel almost entirely burnt out at this point.

    January 24, 2018 at 10:39 am #188655
    Lucas
    Participant

    For instance, I told one of my friends who is suffering from depression that I would be willing to listen to him, but I feel like this is a lie because in truth, it feels exhausting to do so.

    It probably sounds awful, I’m sure.

    January 24, 2018 at 10:54 am #188673
    Mark
    Participant

    Lucas,

    When I suggested about trying to do fun things it is because that may help shift you out of not feeling like doing anything to get energized.

    Living your truth and being authentic is hard.  Telling your friend that you don’t have the energy to be there for him is authentic for the time being.

    Medically you may need an antidepressant or that you may have low thyroid or something else that could be serious.

    Mark

    January 24, 2018 at 11:04 am #188675
    Lucas
    Participant

    What do you think I should do? I don’t want to let my friends down.

    January 24, 2018 at 11:14 am #188679
    Mark
    Participant

    Lucas,

    What you should is up to you.  That is figuring out how to live your life according to what is right for you.

    I find that it is good to be aware of what is your hierarchy of values you live by in order to guide how you live.

    I know for myself is that I need to love myself first and foremost in order to bring that out into the world.

    I believe that most of us who are caregivers have a real hard time taking care ourselves.

    There is religion and life philosophies that help guide as well.

    Mark

     

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Mark.
    January 29, 2018 at 11:02 am #189629
    Jen
    Participant

    You could be around too many depressing situations. Group homes, helping people get their lives going again, your depressed friends. You could be taking in the feelings of these people a little if you are an empath. I don’t know much about psychology, but I do know this same thing happened to me when I was volunteering and only around situations where there was little progress and little hope. I started taking on the emotions of those around me. If this is the case, you can spend more time doing the things you like (or used to like) a little bit each day. Spend time with a few very positive people to help you balance your friends who are having a hard time. Force yourself to do the positive things and work toward a goal for yourself (one that you choose…not a goal that you think you “should” do or somebody wants you to do). What have you always wanted to do? Take a tiny step towards that thing each day. You have to find something that makes you want to get out of bed in the morning. It will be slow, but have patience. It will get better if you take these steps.

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