Hi all,

I am in an emotional turmoil now. And please pardon my long story yet with the poorest English ever…

About 6 months ago I met a guy via an online game, and he actually lives in another country close to mine. He was a great friend, and we connected via the game, chatting every day since July – about everything. About four months in, I noticed I start developing feelings for him and noticed he has started flirting with me as well. He also came over to my country during his birthday and we hung out for a little.

So after meeting up, I decided to confess to him in December and we began a “relationship” after he accepted me. However, I noticed the way he accepted my feelings was a bit odd: He first said he doesn’t dislike what I told him, then he said he doesn’t disagree with my feelings, and finally after I said I will distance from him (since I thought he was refusing), he said he accepted my feelings, so why am I leaving? He also mentioned that distance will be something difficult for him to overcome.

With that in mind, we started texting more romantically, calling each other often and we will send each other check-ins due to our distance. But I noticed while he was opening up about himself, it was done so when I asked him. His answers were brief and sometimes avoiding the topic. He wasn’t at all interested in what I was doing or about my life in general. And my heart got confused and being an insecure individual, I asked him (about 5 days into our relationship) what exactly are we? He grew offensive and asked what do I want to prove, and why do I want to find out an answer when the distance (the problem) has not been solved. My entire mind froze when he said that, because… shouldn’t this be the other way round? Of course, afterward we had a little conflict that involved the game, and he called me childish for acting that way. But we reconcile and were still together.

And then Christmas came, but he completely ignored that, calling me only during Boxing Day. While I know he might be busy, as we are in the same chat group, I know in fact he is online playing the video game. So my heart was a bit irked at that point and told him I was a little pissed he prioritized the game over a small greeting, but he didn’t seem to understand what was going on.

The next day, I was unfortunately harrassed on public transportation and immediately I told him via text. While all of my friends asked how I was doing, he on another hand was in group chat talking about how delicious his chicken meal was the entire night. So I was unhappy, especially when I was the one initiating the private chat afterward (only to get a response at 5 am in the morning). It was then I started acting quite cold and distant, saying things like I won’t call you by your nickname in front of everyone (since he has no intention of telling others we are together). I also blurted out that “relying on him sucks,” because he gave me absolutely no sense of security.

And then the fight happened the next day.

I was given an interview opportunity for a job I really want, but I found myself checking on him every passing minute in the game. And this isn’t helping me concentrate at all. The interview was one day later, so what I did was I asked for help. I had two accounts for the game, one was given by his friend A, and one was mine. We had to fulfill some tasks every week and his friend A’s account has yet met the requirements. Because he has about 10 accounts for this particular game, to not overwhelm him, I entrusted friend A’s account to friend B until the interview is done while logging out of the other account.

Then I found out friend B used the account to talk in the chat room, which was a big PLEASE DONT DO when I asked for help, so I ended up logging in my own account to check on friend B. Meaning what I did was totally purposeless.

When I had dinner with friend C that night, I was telling her how stressful the whole interview thing is, but my right hand was on the phone checking the game at the same time. So friend C was like “is there any way you can stop yourself playing that? Like any ways to make you not be able to sign in?” And I told her it has a password. And she decided to change my password so I can’t log in.

And that is where the problem comes in. He texted me that night asking if I changed my password because he also has the login to my account, and wanted to see if everything was alright before I sleep. I told him my friend changed it for me. And he went berserk, saying he has had enough of my nonsense and say I am an awful person for hurting his kind gestures (reminder: I said relying on him sucks). He said if I want to leave the game, so be it and that he doesn’t want to care anymore. He demanded I give back friend A’s account to him (which was, in fact, a present from friend A to me). I tried to explain what happened to him, but he just went like I don’t respect him at all, I don’t trust him at all, so there is no point in listening. A quote from him”If you were to tell me ahead of time, this will not have happened.”

Then I have had it. I told him his icy attitude is killing me, especially when I was most vulnerable due to the harassment. He then said what if he had a car accident, what will I do then? Distance is the big problem – he won’t be able to know what happened immediately, so I can just stop sentencing him for crimes he never committed. I was like WTF. Isn’t it a normal reaction to just ask how are you feeling?

And he also went on to say he has had an ex for two years and he has never celebrated her birthday with her. I was taken aback by what he said. No celebration of big events is completely fine on my end, but completely ignoring me was the bigger problem.

Needless to say, he said a lot of hurtful things directed at me for being a selfish, childish, needy and hurtful individual that doesn’t appreciate him. And of course, I didn’t sleep that night, blowing off my chances at the interview.

So after I was done that morning, I went home, got my account password back from friend C and decided to quit the group we were together for good. It pains me to see him act all joyful in front of other players when he is hurtful towards me only. And the minute I left, he texted me saying how childish can I get. The rest of the conversation was all about the game, and about how disrespect I am as a person. He commanded me to return, leaving a note saying “As long as you know not to act childishly, then everything is fine with me. I am still waiting for your reply,” but I walked away that day, taking my bleeding heart with me.

And now, I miss him. A lot. As a friend – after all, there wasn’t one day spent without his voice or his messages coming in. I know there have been mistakes on my end on this mess, so I apologized, hoping to return as friends. But after a few days of silence on my end, even when I text him now, he no longer replies to my messages.

I texted my last message to him just now, asking what to do with the accounts we share, but I have no hope that he will ever respond. And my heart hurts just thinking about this.

What can I do? I guess we done for good, right? Or is there still hope? Is he just mad? Or is he indifferent about this now?

I am lost. Really appreciate your advice on this.

Haru