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How to put your negative thoughts out of your mind about him

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  • This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 7 years ago by Inky.
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • November 27, 2017 at 7:32 am #179529
    Jenny
    Participant

    I started this undefined relationship with a guy 8 months ago. It was undefined because in my opinion we are in long distance and uncertain about the future (I could not see how we cross our path and live in the same city). Recently after our meet-up, my feeling for him is stronger. And I started losing control of my emotion. I started getting negative doubts of his uncertain feelings for me, and his changing feeling to someone else, or being assuming and sensitive with his action. I feel like I am over-thinking, exaggerate the situation. But the negative thoughts could drive my emotion so bad. What should I do to control these negative thoughts?

    November 27, 2017 at 8:46 am #179567
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jenny:

    Regarding your last question, my answer: balance those thoughts with realistic thought, thoughts that are true to reality. See the bigger picture. He is unsure about his feelings for you, has feelings for another woman, correct? And you still don’t see how the two of you can live in the same city, correct?

    You can  consider ending contact with him as well, consider the advantages and disadvantages of keeping in contact with him. If there were advantages before and now, only disadvantages for you, why keep the contact?

    anita

    November 27, 2017 at 9:34 am #179573
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Jenny,

    I have a blanket rule not to sleep with someone unless you are in a Viable Relationship (available, appropriate, loving and local). They say thoughts influence your feelings, but it works the other way too. Feelings can influence your thoughts. When you are intimate with someone, all the chemicals and hormones that are activated (bonding, attachment) can make your emotions worse if you are in something long distance and undefined.

    I vote you cut your losses and move on.

    Best,

    Inky

    November 28, 2017 at 2:22 pm #179779
    Chloe
    Participant

    Hello,

     

    I was reading your message and couldn’t help but think that I feel the EXACT same way.

    My boyfriend hurt me after 1 month of dating, when he hooked up with another girl at a nightclub, while I was on vacation. We were only dating for 1 month, and had only met 1 month before then – so we barely knew each other. But he still asked me to be his girlfriend and didn’t want to see other people.

    I found out when our mutual guy friend told me. I was absolutely broken.

     

    He also re-added his ex girlfriend on Facebook when he told me he deleted her. He also did some other things to hurt me. I broke up with him 3 times because of all of this.

     

    4 years later, he treats me amazing. But it’s been 4 years and I can’t stop thinking about all the bad things he has done.

    I feel like I can’t get that out of my head.

     

    What do I do?

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