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So Confused…

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  • November 2, 2017 at 12:11 pm #176287
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Natalie:

    Yes, I do have advice: don’t confront him with his/ your stands on racism, the environment, and so forth, not if you want a better relationship with him. It is not his fault that he feels the way he does. His emotions on these issues are a result of existing neuropathways in his brain that when get activated, they get activated. Better not activate them.

    Of course it is your right to choose a different man… with different neuropathways, but if you choose to continue this relationship, better accept his pathway for what they are. These pathways, the ways they were created, are usually not a matter of character or thoughtful choices, but are a result of what he had heard at an early age, heard and recorded. What is a matter of character is acting-or-not on these pathways. Behavior is subject to choice, not feelings.

    anita

    November 3, 2017 at 4:50 am #176363
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Natalie,

    My advice is to cheer him on, let him move with great fanfare… and then casually don’t move in with him halfway across the world later. Usually I would tell people to be direct, but in your case it will be tons easier to break up with him long distance as he always makes you “wrong”. This way you can literally unplug.

    If he asks (after you dump him through video chat and before you unplug) tell him that his political views, **AND RANTING** is way over the top. It is not what you say, it’s how you say it. I mean, your aunt can love your uncle even though he’s a Republican, but when she leaves him because he keeps ruining the holidays with his drunken racist rants everyone totally understands the real reason why. And it’s not because of his conservative views.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Inky.
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