Hi Arinak,

Wow! All I can say is “BOUNDARIES”!! Boundaries will save the (rest of) your life.

Maybe something like: See her once a year (not in your home) and talk to her once a month (and text/email sparingly). And limit the conversation to fifteen minutes. Of course if she starts getting abusive cut the conversation short and if it’s a rare moment when she’s normal, you can with reservation extend it a little.

One word of warning: My adopted brother (who has his own problems) has started contacting my kids and my sister’s kids now that they’re all older. You really don’t want your children to try to help rescue her and get emotionally or financially abused one day.

As for her children, can YOU take them in? That is indeed a lot to ask. If not, then limit contact between your children and their cousins.

I also wouldn’t make it easy for her to find you if it gets worse. i.e. move and don’t tell her, etc.

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by Inky.