Hi DM,

i think i know exactly how you feel. My ex and I met and started dating when I was working in his country. I had to leave due to my vida expiration. Though I was already in process of getting another one, we had no idea if it’d get approved. So there’s a lot of uncertainty how things will develop.

We broke up right after I left. We were still in love with each other during the breakup and both of us went through a very difficult time after that. Now we have completely stopped talking for a month, and I have come to realize that unless we can stop the long distance, otherwise we will never be together again. Because distance creates uncertainty and that leads to insecurity, for both parties. While some people find it’s bearable to live without physical intimacy, some don’t. Or some people are totally independent without their partner, some aren’t.

I can read your determination and willingness to make things work with the distance. But for some people, things just don’t work this way.

To answer your questions:

(Like I said, I can relate to you. And I just don’t want to hurt you with my words if they are too straight as I have been having a hard time dealing with my own situation.)

Honestly, there may be a small chance for you to get back together if you could move to London and live there without having to leave again. The chance is small because there’s already another person in the picture. Even though he claimed that he’s no longer with her, it’s not difficult to see that he’s been having hard time to cut himself completely off from her for whatever reason it is.

If you want to move on, then you should cut off all contact eith him, which you seem to be doing already. Get yourself busy and try to be aware of your thought: whenever you notice you’re thinking about him again, remind yourself it’s just a thought, an idea, something in your past, and then focus on bringing your mind to whatever you are with in the present moment. I know it’s hard but that’s what I have been doing to get over my ex. I tried all attempts to get him back for the first two months after the breakup. Although I still miss him, I am feeling much better and start getting used to being without him and accepting the fact that he’s gone. Maybe I will go back, maybe I won’t. But surely I am not keeping my hope of reconciliation up as I used to.

I really feel your struggle and hope you have the strength to get over this. You deserve to be happy, with or without him.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Connie.

Hi DM,

Wow, this guy has two women, one at home and is constantly there and another who flies over to see him a few times a year! In his lazy mind, why should he do anything? You are doing all the work, and the other girl who offers nothing but his presence means he doesn’t have a chance to get lonely and thus not have to work on his relationship with you.

You have to admit, this guy isn’t very mature. If you’re going to have a long distance relationship it should be with someone who’s already established and can just as easily fly over to see you!

The relationship was as successful as it was ever going to be. Seven years is nothing to sneeze at. But, time for an upgrade!

Good Luck!

Inky