Dear Sarah:

I think that too much time has passed, 22 years, and maybe a time limit for an apology has passed a long time ago. Whatever damage your ghosting him has caused him has already happened. An apology will not undo such damage, if it occurred. It is too late.

We as humans have to endure having done wrong to others in the past, wrongs that we cannot undo. I believe that we earn our own self forgiveness for wrongs such as the one you described by learning from it and correcting our present behavior, or extending what we have learned to others. By teaching your children, for example, the importance of treating others fairly, not ghosting others, you are doing the right thing now, earning your forgiveness of past misdeeds.

anita

Hi Sarah,

I don’t see anything wrong with this at all, and it takes a very big person to apologize no matter how many years have gone by. I am in a 12 step program. Step 6, states “make amends to people you have hurt, unless it would cause them harm or distress”. There have been so many people in my past that I have said unkind things to, and I wish I could make amends or apologize. However, it’s too late, because most of these people are deceased, or have moved, cut me out of their lives. I wish I would have apologized sooner, so instead of living with regret, I have gone to their graves and just talked and hope God will give them a message in some way. Or I will write a letter and read it out loud expressing my regret and how sorry I am for any pain I caused them. For the people that cut me out of their life, they did not like that “I was different” due to mental illness. I do not really want to make amends with people like this, because I could be Mother Theresa and they would find something to disapprove. So yes, I think that apologizing would be the right thing to do, especially if you are feeling regret.