“Of course there is no formula for success except, perhaps, an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings.” –Arthur Rubinstein
Can ambition and wisdom coexist? Can you simultaneously want something specific and drive yourself to create it while accepting that what will be, will be?
The other day, a reader emailed asking this question—if he can motivate his team at work to “do whatever it takes” to reach their goals, and also teach them to embrace the idea of surrendering.
At first glance, these two ideas seem conflicting. Implicit in the suggestion to “do whatever it takes” is the idea that there is a way—it’s just a matter of finding it. Surrendering, on the other hand, implies an understanding that the future is uncertain and not entirely within our control
So what does it mean to persevere, and believe fully in your vision, while knowing that there are no guarantees? How can you motivate yourself to keep plowing ahead toward a specific goal, while also detaching from the outcome?
If you surrender to the unknown, will you lose that sense of urgency—that drive, that hunger that propels you toward your dreams?
A teacher once told me that successful people act as if they can’t fail—that the outcome they want to create is a given, so all they need to go is keep going until they find their way through the maze of obstacles between now and then.
I understood his intention. If we believe we can’t fail, we won’t doubt ourselves or lose confidence when we inevitably stumble.
But this teaches us to ignore our instincts when they tell us we no longer want to do something; or that it would be smartest to cut our losses and do something else. The reality is that there will be times when it’s wisest to change directions or give up.
Surrendering is recognizing that this is always a possibility—and then being open to the signs that tell us when to persist and when to change course.
Ambition without wisdom is inflexibly attaching to a specific goal, even if it means making foolish decisions that conflict with your values, beliefs, intentions, and instincts.
Wise ambition is the knowledge that you can still “succeed” and be happy, even if you need to change your goal or adjust your action steps.
Buddha image via Shutterstock
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
I really needed to hear this today! Thank you for posting!
wow…perfect timing. this totally applies to a tough realization i had last night. thx.
Happiness & “success” are not always correlated . If we are honest we see that they often are not even related to each other. . Happiness results from being less attached to this or that outcome. Once you set a goal you do not then just blindly “go for it”- despite encouragements from many to the contrary. Being happy is a by product of acceptance- not the result of getting what you want- that is transient pleasure that is always coupled to dissatisfaction.
This is an interesting point: many of us have been brought up to believe that “winners never quit and quitters never win”.
That saying’s ALWAYS annoyed me, because if you find you’re doing something you don’t want to be doing, if you’re heading towards a goal you actually don’t want to achieve any more, then “quitting” frees up your resources to let you focus on what you really do want. So from that perspective, you HAVE to quit to be able to win.
I think part of the problem is the assumption that we can ever know in a single given moment what’s going to be right for us for the rest of our lives. Life by its nature is fluid, and what we most want or need is GOING to change as we evolve and develop ourselves. So rather than assuming we need to go all out and do whatever it takes to achieve X result, it makes more sense to commit to checking back in with ourselves regularly and seeing what it is we most want, then changing direction, if necessary, to head towards whatever that may be.
Does that mean we achieve less? Maybe, but at least it means that when we DO achieve something, it means something to us.
Laurie, I just love your writing … every day … and your choice of guest writers. Today’s guest was absolutely lovely, Shannon Kaiser’s story was helpful and heartening! Thank you for your work!
Do you know Boni Lonnsburry’s “Live a Life You Love”? You might really enjoy her writings. I’ve read her FB posts for some time and it turns out my sister, in Denver, is friends with Boni. Pretty marvelous story of her success as well. Just passing on great stuff to a great person 🙂 ~ Sarah
You’re most welcome!
You are welcome! =)
Great point, Stephen! I think happiness and success are only correlated in that we are happier when we define success for ourselves and then honor that. In my younger years, when I felt desperate to succeed in the eyes of other people, I consistently felt inferior and powerless. When I defined success in more personal terms, suddenly I felt much more satisfied with myself and my life.
Hi Tanja~ Seth Godin wrote, “Winners quit fast, quit often, and quit without guilt.” I love this idea, because it implies a new definition of “winning.” If we’re not doing what we want to do, or if we’re doing something with stubborn commitment despite signs it would be smart to change course, we’re not listening to ourselves or the world around us.
I also love what you wrote about life being fluid. I’m sometimes amazed at how much I’ve changed. There are some things I thought, believed, and wanted 10 years ago, 5 years ago, or even 1 year ago that seem completely foreign now. That’s why I always say, “Never say never.” You just never know where the future will lead if you’re willing to follow.
I’m so glad you enjoy the site, Sarah! I loved Shannon’s post, too. I could really relate to that instinct to push. I learned to “be a fighter” early on, and I still need to remind myself sometimes to go easy and let go.
I don’t, actually. Thanks so much for the recommendation!
As I see, Surrender does not mean accepting the uncertainties.
Surrender means “Don’t be SLAVE to the content and process of achieving your goals”.
It is slavishness to own action and outcomes that generates unhappiness.
And the help it provides just keeps echoing in the Tao. Ran into this seeming conundrum this day, in my crushingly bad life. Your words go directly to the problem before “me”. I began to see the similarity to what you say here — and the repositioning of the sails a sailor might make, to adjust for wind, but still maintain — for the most part — the “desired” course. Helped me move beyond things by altering how I perceived things. Thanks.
You’re most welcome, Ronald. I’m glad this helped. =)