“Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” ~Unknown
I am confident. I am content. I am complete. I am calm.
I decided that this was going to be my new mantra. I decided this at 8:26 a.m. I repeated it to myself over and over while showering, getting dressed, and driving to work.
I ascended the stairs to my office, singing the words in my head. I am confident. I am content. I am complete. I am calm.
This was going to be a good day. I would stay focused, yet aware; productive, yet relaxed. Yup, I was on top of the world, strutting my stuff in my maxi dress and strappy sandals.
And then I spilled my water bottle. My dress was blotched in awkward areas for a significant amount of time.
Needless to say, I forgot my mantra.
I forgot that I was supposed to be confident, content, complete, and calm.
For the first hour of my work day, I drifted in and out of an anxious haze of unrest, just because of that stupid water bottle. That spilled seven ounces of water triggered a tidal wave of unease and insecurity.
They say not to cry over spilled milk. “They” didn’t mention spilled water because it’s so insignificant.
I realize that spilled water is a really stupid thing to get worked up over. Logically, I know that.
But it wasn’t the spilled water that was really the problem. Anxiety is something I know all too well. I often allow small and insignificant disruptions to cause me a lot of distress. I blow things out of proportion; I know this.
But that doesn’t mean I have to live with anxiety-on-call for the rest of my life.
“Spilled water bottle” incidents happen.
And yes, when these failures or unexpected events occur, I am hit with a wave of anxiety.
But this does not mean that I’ve failed. This does not mean that I should just succumb to the negative feelings and let the wave knock me unconscious, filling my eyes and ears and nose with stinging saltwater and flinging me into uncontrolled spirals in which “up” and “down” lose their directional distinctions.
I don’t have to be a drowned rat. In fact, I refuse.
After an hour of battling unease and emails, I decided that enough was enough.
I knew I might not be able to completely stop my negative thoughts by deciding not to have them. But I could decide how I reacted to them.
For me, there are two levels of reaction. First, there’s surface reaction, which you can easily control through willpower and reinforcement of positive thoughts and interactions. But there’s also the deep-down reaction, which I call the “real” reaction. The real reaction is what you think and feel underneath all the “I’m fine” surface stuff.
The good news is that even though the real reaction is difficult to control, it can be redirected.
You can do that by reviewing the logic and real facts of the situation, repeating (and believing) positive mantras, remembering all the good advice you’ve received about dealing with anxiety, and reminding yourself that it really is okay.
Yes, this will take some time. But feeling better really isn’t as hard as some people make it out to be. An hour-and-a-half after my spilled water bottle incident, I was confident and rejuvenated. How? I worked on my reaction, from the surface down.
I repeated my mantra, but this time, instead of just saying it over and over, I really believed it. I made a quick mental list of the things that I have done really well lately. I took a few deep breaths. And I decided to start over.
I remembered a friend telling me that all you have to do to start over, to “begin again,” is to inhale and exhale with purpose and awareness.
I inhaled; I exhaled.
My dress was wet and the floor under my desk was still a bit damp, but I had decided to begin again, to redo my entrance. My surface reaction was that from this point on, it would be a new day.
Today would be a good day. Today, I would be on top of my game.
That day was yesterday. Yesterday, I was confident, content, complete, and calm. And this will continue as long as I work to keep my real reaction authentically positive. And if another water bottle spills and soaks my inner peace with a wave of unrest, I’ll just take a deep breath, in and out, and begin again.
Sometimes the stressor may be far more significant a water bottle. These minor mishaps are great practice for that.
I am confident. I am content. I am complete. I am calm.
Start on the surface and let it sink in.
Photo by eugenethephotobug
About Lisa Stefany
Lisa Stefany is a proud graduate of Penn State University. She majored in English and minored in finding herself, literally. She makes it a point to vivify her mind daily with wine, yoga, and quantum mechanics. And when those activities aren’t sufficient, splatter paint fills the void.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
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I really needed this. I have a situation at work that I have no choice but to deal with and I needed a mantra to get through it. Thanks!
Good reminder to practice with small incidents; practicing peace during “water bottle” incidents helps me be ready to handle the big stuff in life. Thanks for the refresher on how to start over again!
Glad I could help!!
Good luck at work; it can be a pretty stressful place, but it helps to remember that it’s just…work. Life’s a lot bigger. (I forget this a lot.)
Work to live; don’t live to work. Corny & cliche, but true.
thank YOU!! 🙂
Just beautiful. I also find that the littlest thing can shake my peace, but the simple act of taking a deep breath in and out can restore it. Thanks for the reminder!
What I find most ironic about this post is it occurred approximately 8 minutes after I asked my fb friends this question:
I know I shouldn’t let these things irritate me so I need to change my perspective, but I need advice. I have a friend who is constantly late for work & her lack of work ethics is really distracting to me, I’m not a nark (never have been) but how can I avoid losing a friend over this? This is something I take very seriously & it’s not fair to know she only works 6 hours when I’m working 8 for the same pay.
And I had to wait a mere 8 minutes to get the answer I already knew.
I have always believed “the only reality of any situation is my reaction to it.” Thanks for the reminder.
Loved this…I just started accessing this page a few days ago…..and have found some very useful and helpful information.
Thank you! I needed this today as I was getting more & more anxious over a stupid incident that happened on the way to work that has continued to pop into my mind. The the mention of “starting over” and “begin again” are great. I’ll be keeping this post as a reminder to refer to regularly.
No problem! Great name, by the way 😉
Glad I could help you realize what you already knew. I need reminders like this all the time. Sometimes, just hearing someone else say it is all the assurance you need.
It’s important to take your instincts seriously. They’re usually right.
I know, right?? It’s an awesome site, definitely one of my favorites. Thanks!! 🙂
I know what you mean. When I realized that I could start over/begin again whenever I want (it doesn’t have to wait until tomorrow), life became a lot lighter and more carefree. I tend to take things too seriously; I think a lot of us do.
Glad you enjoyed the post! (I’ll probably have to refer to it as a reminder too, haha.)
It’s so true though. Our reaction can make or break a situation, which makes life seem a lot less daunting. We actually have control over some things…weird, right??
Warm, supportive words of wisdom – and a gentle reminder that not every contretemps calls for misery. It can be an opportunity to summon the inner self’s strength and purpose… and some current physical pain can now respond to Lisa’s enlightening ideas.
thank you so much Lisa – I needed to remember to inhale and exhale. I had just published a post about just seeing the end result and staying on that track and then, today I got derailed! – While I was feeling like such a fraud, your post reminded me of how I can decide. I can breathe, hit my reset button and breath again. Lovely.
Hi Karen,
I saw your comment and felt compelled to respond. I know exactly what you mean about feeling like a fraud. I write about so many different topics, and I inevitably mess up from time to time. I’m not always mindful, I’m not always patient, the list goes on and on! I have to constantly remind myself that I don’t need to be perfect to share the things I’ve learned–I just have to be willing to keep learning and applying.
We’re all only human after all!
I hope you are doing well. =)
Lori
Hi Karen,
I saw your comment and felt compelled to respond. I know exactly what you mean about feeling like a fraud. I write about so many different topics, and I inevitably mess up from time to time. I’m not always mindful, I’m not always patient, the list goes on and on! I have to constantly remind myself that I don’t need to be perfect to share the things I’ve learned–I just have to be willing to keep learning and applying.
We’re all only human after all!
I hope you are doing well. =)
Lori
This is such a great post. Excellent, positive, helpful and universal advice. For most (myself included), the most difficult part of remaining positive and at peace are those pesky external buggers and events! I agree 100% that you must learn to direct your actions positively and starting over is as forgiving as an exhale. Thanks for spreading constructive and healing wisdom.
Just found you on Twitter too. I like your perspective. : ) – Cindy
Wow – Lori – you cannot imagine what these words mean to me – amazing how easy it is to beat myself up – thank you so much for the reminder that it is all about the journey of sharing :))
huge hugs to you
I know what you mean. Sometimes I beat myself up, too. It’s that perfectionism thing! Huge hugs back. =)
So true! Sometimes you need to take a step back and breathe before you even REALIZE you’re beating yourself up. Some of us are just a bit masochistic by nature. Be gentle to yourself for a change; let yourself slip up…it happens.
It’s funny because I kind of feel like a fraud for dishing out advice… I beat myself up all the time; I let stupid things get me down.
That’s why it’s so good to get feedback/kind words from others. So thank YOU! You’re awesome; your comment made my day.
And you too, Lori 😉
“Starting over is as forgiving as an exhale.” Beautifully worded, love it.
Thanks for such a beautifuly honest post. I’m famous for my smile and outward “I’m ok” when on the inside I’m dieing of anxiety. Some of my friends have learned to ask “are you REALLY ok?” and I’m learning to tell the truth – “no…no, i’m really not”.
It’s great to have every one acknowledge those anxious feelings and together bring them into the light. My new mantra (borrowed from another Tiny Buddha article) is “There’s no salvation in the future.” All I’ve got is *right* now. So i mentally give my anxiety, anger, fear, resentment, etc.. a BIG hug and just try and make friends with it. All of a sudden, that emotion doesn’t seem to have so much power over me. It’s a work in progress of course… but this month is a million times better than last month, or the month before that!
AMEN, SISTER!!
awesome, can’t (and won’t try to) add any more to that.
“…but this time, instead of just saying it over and over, I really believed it”
That is the bit I keep forgetting. Thank you for reminding me
I am confident. I am content. I am complete. I am calm….. and I believe it
HUG
Excellent post Lisa! It seems it’s come at just the right time for many people here. Today I discovered that my entire blog had disappeared of the web without trace or explanation – a great lesson in the impermanence of all things. As you say, ‘a deep breath is all it takes to begin again’, an excellent thing to remember.
I liked your post Lisa, I have to say that starting over is so true, just few days ago, I had one of these days when everything just go wrong, I was supposed to have lunch with a friend who is travelling next day, but I ended up having dinner with another person ( who I was late for) and couldn’t say goodbye to my friend. At dinner, they just ran out of what I usually have and I had to eat something else. The whole day was just running against me. I have to say I was frustrated, angry and in a really bad mood. And just then, I stopped sulking for a moment, breathed in and out, and remembered that life doesn’t always run as planned and that each moment that I spend worrying about what happened wrong, is a wasted moment. LIFE is happening NOW. Just like that I snapped out of my bad mood and enjoyed my dinner, and I actually had a great time
i like your style 😉
right back atcha, sister.
wow, that’s such a horrible thing, but such an awesome perspective. touche. i hope this “big zen” is virtually contagious 😉
i can really relate to this. i too will assume that “life is against me” when a bunch of little things go wrong. but it’s usually my distorted perception of/attitude about things that starts the negative ball rolling. and when it starts rolling, the whole universe seems like it’s out to get you. but that’s never REALLY the case…
“The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.”
–Albert Einstein
and people say he was pretty smart, apparently 😉
Thank you 🙂 you have no idea how much I relate to your struggle with anxiety and it feels good to know that it can be tamed :))
it’s so true…anxiety is the worst because when you “have it,” it feels like you’ll have it forever. it’s like a stomach bug that feels like it’s never going to go away. or when you’re really really hot or really really cold, you can’t imagine being at the other end of the temperature spectrum.
but it can always be tamed. you just have to relax, breathe, and give yourself some space to think & see clearly.
easier said than done, i know. but it’s always possible 🙂
Love this. This is me on so many levels and it is quite nice to know I am not alone…and that I can really change! Just have to start on the surface and let it sink in. Nice post Lisa!
thank you. this is something that i have been struggling with. it’s nice to know that there are others out there that struggle with waves of anxiety and it’s nice to know of a way to combat it. 🙂
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Steven Covey basically said the same thing…”Your happiness lives in that little fraction of time between a action and your reaction”
Great post Lisa. We have a choice of how to handle things. We just have to train ourselves how to make those choices faster and better and most importantly not beat ourselves up along the way while we learn it.