āYour face will change. Your body will change. The only kind of beauty that endures is the kind that lives in your heart.ā ~Lori Deschene
How many times have you hidden away from the world when you felt ashamed by your appearance?
How many invitations have you turned down because you felt disgusted by the way you look?
And how many times have you gazed into the bathroom mirror and thought, āWhy, in my brief existence on this planet, does it have to be me?ā
Seeing your reflection in the mirror is like a physical pain. Itās not just one part of your life. Itās obsessive. It consumes your every waking moment.
Then you start feeling envy toward beautiful people. Wrath at whatever higher being there is for not making you one of them. Pride in your strengths whenever you see someone who looks worse than you. Self-loathing and blaming your treacherous genes for giving you an odd face, an imperfect shape, a visible health condition.
For me, it was my skin.
I was cursed by a chronic illness that regularly causes rashes all over my body, and sometimes even on my face.
I canāt count how many times I cried over it. Sometimes from the pain. Sometimes from the itch. Too many times from peopleās looks of revulsion or their unkind words.
The borderline shallowness of many people who never bothered to open a book whose cover they didnāt like was painful and grating.
My insecurity was like an open wound and my self-esteem was at rock bottom. I felt like a target, a second-class citizen with few rights to have dreams, hopes, or success.
I perfected the art of avoiding mirrors and cameras, bought extra clothes to cover my skin, and learned how to keep my head down to avoid eye contact. I was terrified of social situations and worried that people would look at me in disgust.
Every single comment could shatter my fragile confidence.
The hopelessness and soul-crushing feeling of not looking pretty enough made me want to roll the duvet over my head in the mornings and not come out.
Thinking that youāll never be happy because of your looks is the most gut-wrenching thing. Itās isolating. Itās maddening. Itās frustrating and a thousand other things.
Weāre living in an appearance-saturated society that tells us that our likeability is dependent on being attractive. The diet culture, beauty industry, mediaāthey all convey that beauty equals perfection.
In todayās digital age, itās easy to create a faƧade with carefully chosen photos and posts that lie through omission.
But deep down, you know the truth.
You canāt ignore it.
The world doesnāt let you.
Advertisements and magazine covers all remind you of how imperfect you are. Beauticians love to point out your flaws to sell you more products.
Itās not until you decide to wear your imperfect look as a form of armor that you become comfortable in your own skin. Peopleās looks no longer intimidate you. Hurtful words donāt steal your sleep. You fall in love with yourself.
Itās a journey toward acceptance. And the journey is liberating.
We allĀ face challenges in accepting who we are and how we look. But the truth is that, clichĆ© as it may sound, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Itās not whatās on the surface. Itās whatās inside you.
Here are some of the things that helped me on my journey toward self-acceptance.
1. You can make peace with the parts of you that you hate.
Accepting that you donāt like everything about your body is the first step toward having a more positive frame of mind. Itās about acknowledging that you may feel āmehā about some parts of your body, but not letting that stop you from doing things you want to do.
Youāre probably thinking, āYeah, right, but what about my stomach pooch?ā
Well, what about it? Itās there. Youāre not perfect, and thatās okay.
Often we forgo pleasure because we feel we donāt deserve it. Somehow simple parts of living become unobtainable ārewards.ā Maybe you wonāt let yourself hit the beach unless you get into a certain shape, or you canāt get married unless you drop the weight, or maybe you canāt buy new clothes until youāre a few pounds lighter.
It sounds crazy when you say it out loud, but thatās how a lot of us think.
So be kind to yourself. Be gentle and remind yourself of all the other things that you love about yourself.
Give yourself permission to accept that some parts of your body may not be your favorite thing. You wonāt always love every part of your body. However, you can still love your life even on the days you canāt love your belly.
Youāre certainly not alone in your struggle toward body acceptance. I could give you a laundry list of things I donāt like about my body.
However, this is the body you were given. Itās the only body you were given. So it might be time to make peace with it.
2. Everyone feels unattractive at times.
We all have moments of weakness when we view everything through a negative filter, and the voice in our head becomes critical and unloving. Times when we feel ugly and unattractive. All of us. You. Me. Your best friend.
Days when you look at yourself in the mirror and donāt see anything positive. You donāt see the loving spouse, the caring mother, the wonderful son, the understanding friend. You donāt see the wisdom in old age wrinkles, the power in stretch marks, and the beauty in your body curves.
Instead, you just see . . . blah. Gross. Unlovable. Disgusting.
In those moments of self-doubt, pause and ask yourself these questions: Is my mood affecting the way Iām feeling about my looks? Have I been getting enough sleep and fresh air? Have I been eating well and moving my body frequently? Self-care is so important because your mirror image is simply a manifestation of your positive energy.
3. Media-defined ideals of beauty arenāt real.
For years, the world of media has been trying to construct a sparkling image of what an ideal man and an ideal woman should look like. From television shows to commercials to magazine advertisements to celebrity culture, mainstream media has been reinforcing the notion that you only look beautiful if you have a toned body, perfect hair, and flawless skin.
But the reality is that you just donāt.
Why? Because the image of perfection doesnāt exist. Itās superficial. Itās unattainable. Even models themselves donāt look like their photoshopped, heavily edited images. No wonder you come up short whenever you compare yourself to celebrities and models on magazine covers.
The pressure of looking perfect weighs you down. You begin to think that you arenāt beautiful enough, are too fat, too small, too whatever. All that to say that youāre not good enough.
Thatās, at least, what the beauty industry wants you to believe. If you feel inadequate about your looks, youāre more likely to buy whatever fix the ads are selling. Making you uncomfortable with your body sells ā whether itās a weight loss plan, fashion, or a beauty product.
Are you going to change societyās definition of beauty? No. However, you can change your own. Donāt focus on the beauty you see in ads; focus on the beauty you see in the real-life people you admire.
4. Your reflection doesnāt define you.
The sum of who you areāyour thoughts, beliefs, hopes, dreams, feelingsāis much greater than what meets the eye of an observer who doesnāt know you. All those things about you are the force that draws others to you.
You might have heard the saying that an ugly personality destroys the face. Well, I happen to agree with that 100%.
Sometimes you hear somebody speak with kindness and compassion, and you perceive them as beautiful. However, itās not their outer appearance youāre drawn to. Itās their inner depth, a kind of beauty that canāt be inherited, photoshopped, or surgically attained.
I know many people who arenāt the most attractive, but their energy, joy, and positivity is so contagious that itās hard not to have them around.
So think about what brings you joy. Do things you like. Make your self-esteem contingent on inner, not outer, qualities. After all, a positive attitude brings more friendships than looks do.
5. Your perception becomes your reality.
If you feel beautiful, it will transcend your physical attributes.
Think about the story youāre living right now. Did you consciously decide to create it, or was it shaped by your parents, your friends, or perhaps even the media?
From the time you were born, youāve received both positive and negative messages from your surroundings. All those messages create your belief system. You act on those messages as if theyāre true until you believe them to be true. They become your reality. They give you your identity.
Every time you say āI am,ā you are telling a story about yourself. When your story takes on a life of its own, you become it. But who wrote that story? And why is there so much criticism and low self-esteem in there?
Rewrite it. Take control of the pen and write the story you want.
Let Yourself Be You
Next time you notice that inner critic of yours attacking your appearance, catch it.
Take a deep breath and ask yourself if you can release it.
Iām not talking about making it spit out positive, self-loving affirmations that donāt feel authentic and real to you. Iām talking about the soft, embracing energy of acceptance.
Iāve learned to cultivate self-worth apart from my appearance. I take pride in my talents, skills, intelligence, and caring heart. When my perfectionist self wants to critique not only my appearance, but also everything I do, I remind myself of those qualities.
When you open up to all parts of yourself, you will feel lighter. As you rewrite your story and let yourself be you, the many facets of your beautiful self will shine.
Itās a practice of making peace with what is. And you can make it happen within yourself.
Itās an ongoing journey that feels liberating.
About Petra Scott
Petra Scott is a Registered Holistic Nutritionist and a Raw Food Chef who helps women build a foundation of wholesome eating to create a strong self-image. Get her free Health Mastery Toolkit to discover your ideal diet and take your health to the next level.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.
That’s a great article. I can tell you put your heart into that one. Perhaps someone like myself will find internal strength and encouragement as well. You did right.
Thank you so much for the encouraging words, Thomas!
Thank you for this… Today I was staring at myself in the mirror and basically gave myself a headache… I know I need to work on self acceptance… I spend 8 hours a day at a job I’m not happy with, around people that don’t really talk to me (of course now I don’t really care to talk to them either), and it makes things difficult. I have a desk job and some days I’m not given much to do so I just get to sit in an uncomfortable office for 8 hours day in and day out. I try my best not to think too much and remain in the present but it can be quite difficult at times. I’m a programmer as well so trying not to be analytical can be difficult when my job basically requires it. I listed quite a few excuses for my unhappiness, I do have a fairly good understanding of what I need to do, today like many others was just not so great. So thank you for writing this, the timing of these articles really surprise me sometimes. Most the time reading articles on here is what calms me down and keeps me sane.
Thank you thank you!! It was spot on and is exactly how I feel. I never realized how awful I was treating myself…thank you thank you!!
Truly could not have come to me at a better time. I’ve been battling this self-loathing since I’ve gained weight this past year and it truly has reflected onto every other part of my life. I’m a woman obsessed-constantly thinking about my weight and letting it define me and my worth. Thank you for this Petra (awesome name btw).
“If you feel beautiful, it will transcend your physical attributes” LOVE that!!
The reporting of this article couldn’t have come at a better time, as I was just talking to my friend about my inability to have a girl friend because of my looks (crushed by severe acne). It feels right to have a flow of good thoughts and positive outlook towards life, but reality is quiet different: straight to the point and harsh.
The moment I start to feel free and confident about myself, there is someone out there punching right into my face. Can you imagine, holding the hands of a dancing partner at a beginners class, who would rather look at passer by making faces rather than listen to what I say. I’am 28 yrs and have asked out only 2 girls till now (at 20 and more recently, 28). Do note that I asked them out just for a small cup of Coffee. Both the girls blew me off citing specifically my “looks”. Either something is wrong with me or the whole world is blind not able to see my inner quality, which forces me to conclude that love is for the beautiful and/or the rich! People on a popular forum pointed me to something known as “red pill” group. Why? Because I had an opinion from experience. It’s all a game of manipulating situation to suits ones own selfish motives. A few thoughts that keep recurring: cover it with a plastic cover, burn my face, pour some acid so that I can hide it within some beautiful vanetian masks? Friends and society as a whole have let me down š I don’t know if I will ever be able to have positive outlook towards life like you. Although, I will try to.
Ahh, weight gain. That is a topic very dear to my heart (since I struggled with anorexia for several years (until my mid-twenties). I am glad some of the words resonated with you. Thank you so much for your comment. Jennifer!
Thank you for sharing your personal story, Aelio. Hearing other people’s thoughts and frustrations is always a good reminder that we are not alone in this.
Thank you so much for your comment Kathy! I am glad it was helpful š
It’s very interesting how self love comes from within, yet it is impossible for some to find. I am someone who curses my appearance and hates the way I look. I have tried for nearly a decade to find other things about myself that I love….I have come up with nothing. I’m really glad you are able to do that for yourself Petra, what I don’t understand though is HOW you did it. There must be a way or a method to figure it out. I do have hobbies I like, but they don’t change my opinion of myself. I could simply accept my appearance, but that does not mean I will be happy with it. I’ll just be like “Yep, I’m ugly, there you go, I don’t like it but I’m stuck with it”. Maybe I just crave perfection and am not satisfied with what is……I’m not sure. I don’t know anymore.
I admire that you will try to remain positive. That takes courage to do that.
I am so sorry to hear about your pain. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story. Skin conditions are SO hard to deal with. I only say that because I have been through it. Not acne particularly, but eczema. Know that you’re not alone in this although it may feel like it.
I’m sorry to hear about your struggles, try not to lose hope though. Relationships really aren’t a game of manipulation, some people can be manipulative but that’s not what relationships or love is about at all. You should define for yourself what Relationships mean to you. Think about how you would like to be treated, and how you would treat your significant other. Make sure you’re needs are being met as well as hers, that’s a good relationship.
There are many things you can try for acne, all hope is not lost. One thing I would like to recommend, I’m not sure if it would work for you or not but have you tried Salt Water? Dead Sea Salt to be exact. Mix some with water and use that to clean your face. There are many minerals in it that are good for your skin. I seriously, highly recommend you look into this if you have not already. I use dead sea salt myself to help keep some dermatitis on my scalp from flaring up till I get to the root cause of why I have it in the first place. Doctor’s gave me some chemical shampoo and told me I’d have to use it for the rest of my life. I found out about Dead Sea Salt and haven’t used that shampoo at all, so glad about that. Dead Sea Salt has been used to treat all kinds of skin conditions.
At the end of the day I think you may just need to take some time to research some possible solutions to your unique situation. Maybe you’ve tried everything, sometimes even spending all the time researching can kind of drive you crazy. Try to go about it in a loving/accepting way if you can. Also, do you steam your face at all? Try steaming your face by getting a pan of boiling water and sitting over it with a towel over your head so you get all the steam. It will open your pores and allow you to clean your face better. Also, try Egg White mask… Use egg whites and toilet paper and make basically paper mache out of your face… it sounds goofy but egg whites are great for your complexion. Egg whites also will shrink your pores making it harder for dirt to get in there and makes your skin look nicer.
I promise you, if you steam your face and use Egg White mask, you will notice a difference in your skin. I can’t say your acne will be cured but it will definitely be smoother. So please don’t lose hope, please try the things I mentioned or do a little research yourself. I would recommend getting into natural remedies and try to stay away from harsh chemicals and cleaners. Some may work but I just feel natural is the way to go. Your skin is the largest organ in your body, it’s nature like you are. Eating a cleaner diet may help too and if you are generally stressed out, take some time to work on that as well. Sometimes skin issues are an outside sign of an inward problem… I hope some of this will help you.
I can finally relate to an article about feeling ugly because it’s not about weight but about face. There have been countless number of times when I have broken down crying in front of the mirror, or cancelled an invitation to go somewhere because I severely dislike my face….I have not been able to come in terms with feeling ‘ugly’. I have a question though- What if you’re unable to accept your flaws? What if you’re not insecure because of the media but you’re insecure because you genuinely feel ugly? I would love to hear your thoughts on this
Ps:
Thank you for writing this article
Thank you for your kind words.
Thank YOU!
Thank you for this article. It has resonated with me as I am in recovery from body dysmorphic disorder. I have made a lot of progress but my journey is ongoing. I was considered by my peers (especially males) as unattractive in my mid teens. I am now considered attractive (from my early 20s due to a good diet and exercise program, makeup, clothing – not natural beauty!) It has taken me until my mid thirties and a recent relationship break up to realise that a woman is only treated more favorably for being physically attractive on a very superficial level. Although I still enjoy looking my best, since working more on my inner self I have experienced more joy out of life than any makeup, clothing or Botox can buy.
This is so spot on, Emma! It’s so sad, but true. I am so glad you found your inner beauty š
Hi Ushma, thank you so much for your question! I had to take a few days to really think about your question. It’s a tough one. You know, I really think that it comes down to realizing that beauty isn’t about the physical. Once you believe this, you’ll see beauty everywhere. Sure, attractive people may have some “advantages” when it comes to building relationships. However, these advantages disappear pretty quickly. Remember – it’s not your looks that attract people to you; it’s your energy, vibration, character … looks fade whereas positive and compassionate actions affect people for a lifetime. I hope it helps a little bit š
This is incredibly well written. I could relate to so many of your thoughts. Thank you so much!
I’m glad it helped š
Wow, I needed this article! I am FINALLY beginning to accept my stomach pooch. For years I had been determined to annihilate it with healthier eating and regular exercise, but it’s still hanging in there, though a bit smaller. I have stretch marks galore, but they’ve never bothered me! I see them as tiger stripes, a maternal badge of honor. I’ll immediately refer to myself as a tiger lady and/or roar playfully when I address my stretch marks to others.
But why haven’t I ever been that enthusiastic and positive about my pooch? Because I never saw it as a badge of honor, a swag bag gifted by motherhood.
When I’ve heard people complain about their pre-baby body, I’m thankful for my post-baby body, since I felt I didn’t bear a more “womanly” figure prior. So, with that, I realize that the extra weight couldn’t all settle on the socially acceptable “desirable” parts of me. That I must take the good with the bad, though I’ve now realized it’s not that bad after all.
As continue to eat better and keep fit, it’ll no longer be to kill the pooch; it’ll be out of self respect for my body and life. Cheers!
I’d love it if you had some worksheets/inspirational pictures or to-do list of actionable things we can do to exercise all of these! For the time being, I’m taking out my journal to write out the negative thoughts I have in my head and I’m going to combat them.
Can I just say thanks so much for this article. It’s really insightful. Also, you are beautiful both inside and out. The best thing I took from this is that you can really choose to tell your story however you want and that true beauty is in the heart š Many thanks, Frazer.
well this hits too close to home. i’ve been hating my body type and mental health since i was 8. my physical health has worn away too. i’m better now than i was in high school but it won’t go away. thing is, as refreshing as this advice is, the type of self-loathing that comes from depression, personality disorders, or eating disorders (especially) are nearly incurable w/o help. ED’s are almost always a lifelong struggle. it’s good to recognize self-loathing as a possible symptom of a bigger problem.
cannot re call my password , when I tried to sign in , it said my email address was already taken. ?? hello. this is me . better not be some one else with my email address.
wow . if depression can be anger turned inward. trying to sign in is depressing me,
Beautifully written! “However, this is the body you were given. Itās the only body you were given. So it might be time to make peace with it.” I read that 10x to myself! š
Thank you!
I have learned to find beauty in everything and I love life and I think I’m usually a very positive person. And I totally agree with you- there’s more to beauty than just physical appearance. I’m going to try and not focus on how I feel about the way that I look and focus more on the good things in life š
Thank you for writing back. š
I replied to your post a while back but my post was too long apparently and was detected as spam. I went into my profile and stated it wasn’t but that was months ago and it’s still not here. I wrote a lot in my reply but I basically wanted to tell you to try Dead Sea Salt and try making an egg white mask with toilet paper. Both are very good for your skin. You can do your own research on it. I provided a lot of detail for you in my post but I guess that’s not a good thing on tiny Buddha so I have to keep things short or you’ll never hear what I have to say. Seems we’re better off saying “thank you” or “peace be with you” than writing too much lol.
Thanks for your suggestions and follow up. Believe it or not, I actually did a egg white+toilet paper mask today (before reading your comment). Such a serendipity! Acne has reduced to some extent, but it has left back very deep scars., all over my face. It is so annoying that my dermatologist told me that she wouldn’t do a laser treatment because of my skin color. I have no idea, how am I gonna reduced these scars š
I am so sorry for such a late reply. Thank you for the kind words!
So sorry for the late reply. Thank you so much for the kind words, Frazer!
I struggle with anxiety because of my looks so much, avoid large groups of people and definitely avoid photos. I used to be comfortable with my body, despite my weight, but it’s amazing how quickly a few looks of disgust or harsh words from others can tear down every inch of that self love and confidence you have.
In order to be loved by others, I really feel I need to love myself first. I’ve finally reached a place in my life where loving myself is possible. But I have to be careful not to be too comfortable, because if I allow myself to be too comfortable I start to harden my heart, grow bitter towards others and their opinions and stop pushing myself to be healthy.
I really needed to hear your words today. I currently can not stand how heavy I am, I really need to do something about it, so today is the first step towards positive change for me and it’s back to the gym.
Thank you for reminding me that I am more than my weight, and thanks to people like you, who have been brave enough to share their stories over the years, I can pull myself together, and love myself enough to make the changes I need to.
I’ve been battling depression all my life so self-care hasn’t always been my #1 priority.
I was made fun of and bullied in high school for the way I looked. I’ve avoided looking in mirrors my entire life. There aren’t even any photos of me for a good 20 yr period.
No one will see this post but I found what you wrote helpful. I have 1 body. 1 life.
I am 50 now and live in a basement appt. I felt awful today when I looked in the mirror. I had to take something for my anxiety. Covid has just exacerbated everything to the nth degree.
I know I’m ugly and came to terms with that. But now I’m also a shut-in and fatter.
Petra by your picture you’ve never had a day of being ugly, so you have no wisdom on this matter. put on a fat suit and go face the world for a week. How many time have you thought of suicide because of what you look like, for some its a daily thing and others don’t make it..
Like me I’m disgusted that I was born and in this disgusting body for 55 years
This was so helpful to me. I’ve suffered from a disorder called trichotillomania for 41 out of my 47 years (eyelash and brow pulling to the point nothing left at the end of any day). I was beaten and shamed growing up with this but managed to get out there in the world and succeed. I got married at 37 and have gained weight (the only thing I had going was being small) and my husband has rejected me for years (starting when I was around 122 lbs). Now I’m a bit more and am feeling pretty awful. Add on to this I just had eyelid skin cancer surgery -I’m too embarrassed to go anywhere as I can’t wear makeup and have no brows or lashes. I really need some prayers.
Ironically a beautiful woman is telling us less fortunate in the looks department how to appreciate what we have.
I have been really struggling lately. I read this and it hit on every point. I fell as though an old saying I heard when I was younger comes into play. “Positive thoughts lead to positive actions” Its usually stayed with me but lately no matter what I try, diet, workout or just being is not working. I gain weight and cant get motivated to work out. I work hard all day come home and have to be mom and wife and Im literally DONE. I have little time for myself and I get told that I have a bad attitude. Well they are correct, I do.
Its nice to know that I am not the only one out there and that I need to accept the things I can not change. I have an autoimmune disease and it prevents me from loosing weight but I can gain it like a champ. I eat healthy and clean but I also have children. I just need to get right with myself and the only way I can do that is letting go.
Iām so disgusted with myself sometimes I feel like killing myself I throw up when I eat at least 4 times a Day š¢
I’m disgusted with my body.I’m fat. I have saggy boobs(I’m still a teen),greasy hair ,a big forehead,stretch marks,I’m hairy, no talents.To be. honest I always concentrate on these things and constantly beat myself up about it.Then this made me realise that even if I think I’m ugly I will always have good things about me.My ability to sing, my body curves, my long wavy hair ,my plump red lips,my smartness, my kindness,my smooth clear skin. I always was to shy to admit this but now I’m proud of all the good things and bad things about me.I’m in control of my own life.Fuck the haters.thanks Petra.I feel amazing.
I have Trichotillomania too, since I was 12 and I’m 25 now. The first few years were the worst.. I pulled my scalp hair out until there were sizable bald patches. I had to get creative and part my hair in different ways to hide it. I feel your pain and wish you the very best Daniela.
i feel disgusted about my self. my body is disgusting, my face is disgusting, my hair is disgusting. everything about me is disgusting. and it is not only about my physical appearance. i hate my personality; im too shy, i dont know how to talk to people, i suck at social gatherings, im not interesting. even tough people always say things like “you’re pretty” or “you’re smart”, i cant help but think that they dont really mean it, that they say these things just because they dont wanna hurt me.
since i was about 11, i cant look at the mirror and dont think “im ugly” or “i just wanna be pretty like them”.
i wish i could feel good about me. thats the only thing i really want.
sorry if i wrote something wrong, im kinda still learning how to write in english.
Then why did you decide to have a family?
Good day
Ever since I had my child my boyfriend said i was getting and i dont dress up like i ussed to. But i do dress up he never notice the colour change of my hair, the new perfume, new clothes that fits me comfortable. I know i should not care what he says about my body but it is so hurtful. I dont feel like making myself pretty he keeps on finding somerhing that looks wrong. I dont even use the mirror its just a reminder that i dont like what i see. I tried so many diets and gyming but have no luck but feeling ashamed of my body.
Thank you I need this
One reminder about looks is what it is. It’s a nature’s work of art (or, if you’re religious, God’s design). It is not something we do. We don’t create the DNA code and we don’t control how it expresses itself. So, when you see a stunning, drop-dead gorgeous girl, who is naturally looking so perfect, and you start to feel envy brewing inside of you, remind yourself – perfect looks is NOT an achievement, not an accomplishment, and so – not really something to be proud of. What can a pretty-face-person be proud of? Their pretty face? But is it their accomplishment? Or their achievement or their creation? NO! They did nothing honorable whatsoever – they are simply given a pretty- looking wrapper. That is nothing worthy of reverence. All the external, materialistic and visual attributes or possessions, given to somebody without having to do anything – are not the things that deserve to be honored, respected, loved nor admired. If they do earn love, respect, and adoration – it’s only from the shallow-minded and ignorant people. We don’t need to go down to the level of shallow-minded. Amaze at nature for its works of art, revere God’s design, love the way DNA can express itself in different forms! BUT do not become so superficial that you put people with pretty looks on a pedestal – people, who did NOTHING to achieve nor create their attractiveness. Technically, their attractiveness is not even theirs – it is nature’s/God’s and they’re just lucky free-riders – nothing more, nothing less.
Second reminder, just think of judgments we make. Let’s assume you (or somebody else) indeed look not too good: not very symmetrical, out of shape, and perhaps, even repulsive or totally unattractive. Maybe it IS true that you’re not that perfect-looking. And maybe someone else is not so perfect-looking as well. Then…. what does it mean? Does it mean we should put ourselves and others down, harshly criticize, make fun of, humiliate, or even physically punish/outcast/bully ourselves or them and call them “ugly”? Ok…Even if you don’t actually do that, but still have those thoughts in your mind (and you DO because that’s the reason you read this article in the first place)….so, even if you just have only those thoughts – how is that different from fascism/racism/Nazism? Believe me, lookism is not any better! Just because it is not institutionally or legally controlled does not mean it is morally ok. It is a horrible practice and when you catch yourself judging either yourself or others as being worthless or being “ugly”/bad for things that you or they don’t even have any control over (biology) -remind yourself that you are stooping down to the level of fascism/racism/Nazism and tell yourself to STOP! It is never OK to judge anyone based on things that they have no control over, such as genetic looks. If you do that, then you’re no better than Hitler. Lookism is NOT ok! And it does not matter that it’s not officially recognised by governments. It is real and it is morally wrong. Remember that every time you judge yourself or anyone else as “ugly”, catch yourself and pause. You can retrain yourself. Start with getting rid of the concept “ugly” in the department of looks. Use other terms instead, such as “imperfect” or “less attractive” or “not my thing/not my type”. Remind yourself: knowledge is power. And the main knowledge here is the following: imperfect appearance is NOT ugly. But being a lookist IS! Period.
So, don’t be a lookist toward yourself and don’t be a lookist toward others. I’ll repeat, being a lookist is not much different than being a racist. Love yourself, love others, love nature’s design, and love humanity itself. Good luck.
I feel disgusted with myself . I feel like there isnāt anything left . I was diagnosed with hashimotos when I was 28 and the weight started to come on but it was gradual and never like now . Iām 47 now and itās even harder to lose weight . So there is that and now even my once clear complexion ( my one flex) is gone. I know it could be so much worse and I feel bad for not being grateful enough but I just get so depressed when I look in the mirror and the reflection staring back at me . I feel Iāve lost all control and its like over for me . Ever since the weight started piling on , I havenāt been the same . I just hate it so much . Iām active and I try everything. I have missed out on so much because of this . I try to do better now but I waisted some many years hiding and the sad thing is that I wast even that big. I just could not get used to being bigger even though to others I was nowhere near fat but in my mind I was huge .
I am thirteen. I have always said that I never cared what anyone thought about me (and its true), but I guess deep inside that little voice in my head keeps messing me up. And for years I have been telling myself that I do love and like my body when really, I hated how looked. I hate how my face looks. There are things I like about my body, but I always somehow find something that I hate. I hate feeling like this. I feel like people judge me inside when I take off my mask, which I rarely do now, I don’t know why I care now, but I hate it. I have been researching for a while now how to get rid of tan lines, how to feel better about and within my body, and a lot more. When I found this article, it hit hard, and I related to a few things. I always wanted to find someone, anyone, who felt the same way I felt or could help me through this rough time. Thank you for writing this. š
This did not help at all, my eyelashes have fallen out and stopped growing and I look like a creature from Mars. Lol