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Help!!! Need advice!!!

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  • #126841
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear eversam2:

    Clearly, to me, there needs to be absolutely no contact between you and the mother-in-law (mil), and no contact between your children and the mil. Clearly, the mil should have no access to your home/ property. She must not be in their lives or in your life- regardless what your husband says. Your safety and your children’s safety (physical and emotional) need to be non-negotiable.

    It is a shame your husband takes her side and yells and cusses at you (like his mother)- he needs to stop it.

    Is your husband pressuring you to have his mother in your life and in the children’s lives? What does he want to happen next?

    anita

    #126843
    ME
    Participant

    I agree with the no contact. My husband gets mad and yells at me when I say I don’t want my kids around her, they are also old enough to make that decision and they don’t want to. When I say I don’t want to be around her, he says then I’m not going to your families house (who didn’t do anything) My kids are both now in counseling to help with all the trauma this has all caused.
    I am the one taking them and are there for them when they need to talk, he has never talked to them or explained to them that this is not normal behavior that they shouldn’t have to be around.
    I have suggested counseling for us to begin to get past this, but he seems to think its not an issue. He says its my fault that its being made into an issue. I just don’t know what to do.
    I have put myself on the back burner so that he could work whatever hours he had to with whatever job he has had. I have always worked around my kids school schedules. I don’t currently have a regular full time job. Leaving is harder than staying due to us also owning a DJ business that he is the DJ of. I run the office and Photo booth part. He threatens not to go to jobs and leave brides DJ-less if I say anything he doesn’t like. I feel like I’m walking on egg shells to keep my kids from hearing the fighting.
    This past Friday night she text me accusing me of driving drunk w my kids a week prior, when we went to dinner with family for my sons b day. I had one small margarita, drank all water, and ate a full plate of food, we were there over 2 hours. She wasn’t invited by my husbands brother and sister were both invited and there. His sister is the one who told her that I was driving drunk with my children. She also t3ext me to go hurt myself.
    I just feel like I don’t matter to my husband at all anymore. He will stick up for them even when they are in the wrong.

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by ME.
    #126845
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear eversam2:

    Can you block your mil from your phone, so that she cannot text you???

    When is the No-Contact with the mil going to begin?

    He is not interested in counseling- no point suggesting it again. No point in talking to him about his mother, he is not interested in a conversation about her.

    Pay attention to any of your behaviors that may distress your children: are you arguing with your husband (about anything) in front of them? Don’t. Do you complain about the mil to anyone, in your children’s presence? Don’t. Keep yourself as calm as possible in their presence.

    Place your children first in every way possible and do whatever it takes to protect them-

    Whatever it takes…

    anita

    #126879
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi eversam2,

    In my mind you have one job: Protecting the children. You are doing that. Good for you!! Good for you for non-negotiating on that. In abusive situations the one not going along with the abuse is labelled bad. Congrats for saying “NO”!!

    Tell your DH when and if he is ever in a good mood that not only are you not dealing with your MIL anymore, you don’t want to hear about her or hear what she has said about you. That you will see her when she has been stone-cold sober for over a year. And that when the children are eighteen they can have their own relationship with her. (These will probably never happen).

    And by the way, add that SIL on your list. They sound like the types of people who would call Social Services because they need drama and will fabricate and believe the little stories they tell themselves about you.

    When your youngest is grown seriously revisit the state of your marriage and don’t be afraid to leave.

    Blessings,

    Inky

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