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A messed up life.

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • January 3, 2017 at 1:08 am #124392
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Maya:

    From my reading of stories of people from India (a conservative society) on this website, when you marry a man there, you also marry his parents/ family. So, when you dated your then boyfriend for five years and never met his parents, that was a mistake. You married his parents without “dating” them first, without getting to know them first.

    Your life is messed up (title of your thread) understandably, having a bad marriage. Your husband does not support you, doesn’t have your best interests at heart, only his parents’

    And so, I too would have moved out of his parents’ place and then, I would divorce him as soon as possible. How to accomplish divorce in such a conservative/ judgmental society with the least damage to yourself? I don’t know. Maybe you can find out by consulting a local attorney or counselor first. Find out how divorcees live in your country, where you live.

    Your relationships with your parents was never good, understandably. You have only your sister and your dog that you care about, I understand. Maybe you can move away from everyone (keep in touch with your sister)- moving to a different city may help in suffering less judgment for being divorced.

    anita

    January 3, 2017 at 4:57 am #124405
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi maya2017,

    Bravo for moving into your own place! You have your own money, and are a grown woman, so there is nothing they can do to you other than voice their displeasure. And so what??

    You know that divorce will not be condoned in your conservative society. But your parents are old. They need you more than you need their approval. Again, they won’t be pleased ~ so what??

    Keep saying “So What” as a mantra when you are faced with someone’s displeasure. They will get mad. So what? Let them get mad.

    Then move to the most liberal society you can and make open minded friends. If you only meet nice, secular people, eventually you will only fall in love with a nice, secular person. And have better in-laws!

    Blessings,

    Inky

    January 3, 2017 at 5:47 am #124406
    Maya Gautam
    Participant

    Thank you for replying back, Anita. I totally take responsibility for the dumb decision I made about not knowing beforehand which family I was going to marry into. Stupid thing I did. I was so fed up with my father that I wanted to escape somehow and nothing else seemed to bother.However, as mentioned earlier that my husband is posted out of town. I am waiting for him to have a posting back here. I believe it would be difficult to proceed otherwise. But it has been so long and the wait is killing me now. I feel like being stuck. Whenever I bring up divorce he would always put it off the table saying he can’t do that away from home. Its been almost a year like this and this test doesnt really seem to end.

    However, thank you for responding and not being judgemental. 🙂

    January 3, 2017 at 5:53 am #124407
    Maya Gautam
    Participant

    Hey Inky!

    Thanks for responding. What you wrote was really encouraging :). I would definitely try implementing the “Mantra” I wish I was born in a liberal society like many. But, whatever there are things one have to just accept.

    Thanks mate 🙂

    January 3, 2017 at 8:39 am #124418
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, maya2017. Post again, anytime.
    anita

    November 27, 2022 at 11:41 am #410851
    Maya Gautam
    Participant

    Hello Everybody!

    So suddenly I happened to log back again and I feel like sharing my mind. I’ve made progress workwise, got promoted and am due another next year so that’s encouraging. On the other hand I am still stuck in the process of divorce waiting for my final hearing. In India, courts are loaded with files waiting to be heard like me. My biggest challenge was to find a lawyer who found my reasons good enough to file for divorce. Most felt that if you are not hit, abused or tortured mentally or physically it’s not a strong case enough. So I found a lady lawyer about my age who seem to do her job right. 2021 i filed for it. 1st hearing date was Feb 2022. Then my 2nd and last hearing date has been delayed, still waiting to be heard and freed. Meanwhile my mother had a fatal accident leading to hip replacement surgery. Mentally it’s been a lot. Court proceedings are extremely slow here. It’s killing my enthusiasm for life. The zeal is being overshadowed. Sometimes I feel as we grow older our challenges grow difficult until we want to give up. Only prayer might be of use then.

     

    November 27, 2022 at 11:59 am #410852
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Maya

    You have come so far in the last 5 years and this last hurdle to freedom will eventually be leapt. I know how tiring & frustrating it is waiting for something that is not in your control ( I was snarled up in the legal system for 7 years). Hang in there and relish what you have accomplished so far and maybe look for something that you can to do to give yourself a little happiness, this will give you both a sense of accomplishment & control.

    Kind regards

    Roberta

    November 27, 2022 at 1:46 pm #410862
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Maya Gautam:

    Good to read back from you, more than 5 years and 10 months since you last posted!

    “still waiting to be heard and freed. Meanwhile my mother had a fatal accident leading to hip replacement surgery. Mentally it’s been a lot. Court proceedings are extremely slow here. It’s killing my enthusiasm for life”

    – I assume your mother’s accident was not fatal (that is, resulting in death). I hope that she is recovering well from her hip replacement surgery! I am sorry that your country’s legal system does not allow you to be free from your marriage sooner than.. whenever your divorce becomes legal. Are you living separately from the man who is legally your husband, living an independent life separated from him, practically (although not legally)?

    Congratulations for you job promotion, and I hope to read more from you!

    anita

    December 6, 2022 at 4:45 pm #411432
    Anonymous
    Guest

    How are you, Maya Gautam?

    anita

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