fbpx
Menu

Need advice on friendship

Home→Forums→Relationships→Need advice on friendship

New Reply
Viewing 2 posts - 1 through 2 (of 2 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • December 21, 2016 at 9:49 am #123203
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lidewij:

    For a friendship and any relationship to work for your benefit, it has to be a Win-Win proposition: win for you (and win for the other person). What your friend is doing, reads to me is maintaining a somewhat Lose-Win friendship: Lose for you (specific example: you driving 35 minutes to see her) and Win for her (she driving only 15 minutes to see you). Understandably a Lose-Win friendship is distressing for the one on the Lose side.

    The fact that she ignores your messages when you can’t Lose to her, may mean that she wants it her way and is communicating to you: it is my way- or the highway: either you are my friend the way I want you to be or there is no friendship.

    If this is what she is communicating to you with her silence, this is further distress for you because you want honesty and fairness in a friendship, not dishonesty (manipulation) and unfairness/ inequality in a friendship.

    I recommend you either make it a Win-Win (seeing it is a win for you is your primary responsibility) or let it go. Not every friendship and relationship is worth keeping.

    anita

    December 22, 2016 at 4:53 am #123282
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Lidewiji,

    You can be very direct with her. Say, “From now on we’ll meet the this halfway point.” When she tries to reestablish her version of a halfway point, say “That doesn’t work for me”. No excuses. Just hold firm.

    Then invite her to your house. Cultivate other (local) friendships. Have a bunch of women over to your house every couple months or so. Tell her a group of you is meeting at your local bar/restaurant. She may try to ignore or get you back to her old preferences. Don’t back down. She will soon know where the party is.

    And it’s OK to have what I call Once a Year Friends. So if you drive all the way to see her ~ make it once a year. Or if she only makes it up there once a year, that’s fine.

    And you can say, “I notice from social media you’re in my area. A lot. So next time just call me. You’re here in town anyway!”

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 2 posts - 1 through 2 (of 2 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.