Dear Harry:

“Overthinking and ruminating,” living in your head- that was me. I am still thinking a lot, but now I understand my heart a lot more than I used to.

As a teenager and much of my life I was very lonely, anxious and depressed. When I wasn’t over-thinking and ruminating, I daydreamed about having a love relationship and being popular.

If I could go back to being your age, this is what I would do:

I would do everything possible to attend Individual Psychotherapy with a competent, empathetic therapist.
I would look to attend Group Psychotherapy and Support Groups.

In these three settings I would be relatively safe because the therapist should be (better be!) kind and respectful and if it is group therapy, then the therapist should see to it that everyone acts respectfully toward the others. Support groups have rules of conduct for all participants so to maintain respectful interactions.

This is all I would do, if I was you- explore these three possibilities. The purpose would be to communicate about my feelings, to hear others communicate about their feelings and so, to grow connected to my own heart. The more I understand my heart and listen to the messages behind my emotions, the less I live in my head and the less I over-think.

anita

Dear harry:

Thank you for your kind appreciation of my participation here.

I too felt like an outcast for the longest time. I thought everyone, or most people were normal, together kind of people. Later, I found out that thee world is full of outcasts, that is, people feeling like outcasts. When you see people having fun in groups while you are alone, observing them. You don’t know how the individuals in that group are doing when alone, at night, when it is dark and they thoughts are loud.

What is the point of reading information when you do not apply it? No point, I suppose. The thing about reading information is that it seems like there is too much to apply. You read one page in five minutes but to apply all of it will take five years or fifty.

This is why it is better to pick just ONE piece of information and apply just that one for a day or a week. Then take it from there, slowly, patiently.

anita

Hi Harry I just came across your post by accident.. recently I was also trying to figure out why I am constantly seeking new information, taking too much in, reading, watching videos, googling, asking etc but not applying it and I realised that I was looking for answers… the problem was the answers are inside me, I am just not willing to sit, be still & listen.. I am too busy searching for answers.. and possible avoiding the answers? I know the answers are there. …I am making some huge crazy life changes atm so maybe that means I am starting to listen and if I am I can see why I was reluctant to.. I have felt the same emptiness that you feel..I don’t 100% know what to do as I haven’t felt it in a long time and it went away around the time I had kids, but I think to cure the emptiness you need to find selflove, to see your own value, connect with nature, connect with humanity as a whole. Don’t let others judge you or decide you worth. Don’t be afraid to go against the grain, be you, be who you are meant to be, embrace yourself and you will find that emptiness dissipate. If you want to know your passion, like anita said start talking to people, when your feel your eyes light up and you start talking really fast and almost have to apologise for getting so intense then you will see it. I used to think I was talentless but I am not its just that some peoples talents are less obvious/tangible than others. What do you need to pursue? Fufillment.

I can relate to this. I used to overthink my past and being stuck in my past stopped me moving forward and truly appreciating my life and making the most out of the opportunities that knocked at my door, even as far as kicking the door down for me to just either ignore and not be aware of it because i was stuck in my past. It is something that i still lapse back into once in a while. Not as much these days. But it takes times to change habits and create new meaning/purpose to our existence. First step is wanting to change this approach. Although that is kind of the easiest part. That’s what i found anyway. Repeating the positive approach which has us moving forward is difficult. Gets easier over time. But if you keep lapsing it feels like it doesn’t get easier. Just a case of remembering why you’re doing your new and different approach. And focusing in what you’re doing and why you’re doing it.

Either way there are times we just hate it and hate yourself for this extra time and effort we have to put in. But take a step back from yourself and your life. Imagine you’re a different person who is evaluating this other person. This is a method i do once in a while to help me jump back into who i am now, how i’ve developed and moved on. And how the past is the past. It teaches us aspects about ourselves and we can learn what we like and what we don’t.

And it’s not simple. And does require energy. Learn to balance your own energy levels. At the start it’s better to write down a planned time that you’re going to do things. A schedule. But keep it small and light to begin with, because of the difficulty it will drain you and you will need to recharge to continue pushing yourself. And eventually to the next step where you either increase what you’re doing, as in the time frame or you add something else to the mix. Work out what you want to work on. Make a list, then tick each 1 off. Build on it. Never give up. Because with every part and aspect with which you develop, it helps with the next.