Wishing I Was Someone Else

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This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by greenshade.

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November 14, 2016 at 4:01 pm #120407

Anonymous
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Hi all,

I’ve recently been wondering about what it means to wish you could be someone else. Over the last year, I’ve done a lot of work in trying to accept and love myself as I am. I had been working on trying to get myself to a good place with that, and most days I am capable of having a lot of compassion and understanding for myself. Today, I realized someone I know seems to be everything that I wish I could be, and I felt strangely about it. There is a goal I have, and though it’s still far off, I have been steadily making progress toward it. The person I came across has not only reached this goal, but has done it in the same way I had wanted to and even better than I could. This person is objectively many more things than me as well: better looking, more successful, has experienced much more and is loved and looked up to by many. It doesn’t make me hate this person. I’ve looked up to this person for a while and they were one of my inspirations in pursuing my goal, but I only had these thoughts today after seeing this person in action living the goal I am still struggling to reach. It doesn’t make me hate myself, either. But I still feel strangely about it. I do like myself and I don’t really wish I was that person, but I also feel that because this person is basically everything I wish I could be, what is the point of me? I know in reality we are both individuals and neither of us can actually “replace” each other, but I feel stuck. I can’t be this person no matter how great they are because I’m me, and I don’t want to be anyone else because I want to love myself as I am. But since this person seems to be objectively more than me, what does that mean I am? And even if I managed to become everything I want to be, wouldn’t that mean I am just copying this person?

I’m sorry if this sounds like a jumble of words. I’m not really sure how I feel about it myself. But if you read, thanks for reading. I feel a little more at peace having written this. Any thoughts are welcome!

November 14, 2016 at 7:56 pm #120416

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Noah Kreiss:

I think that it is your Emotions that make you unique. This person you mentioned who achieved your goal which you are still struggling with, there are probably many others (whom you never met) who also achieved your goal. Are they all identical?

Are all medical doctors specializing in one particular area- are they all identical, having the same certificate, even from the same university?

You wrote before that you’ve been living in your head for a long time, feeling disconnected from others. If you had a good childhood, you would have emerged into adulthood connected. In absence of that, psychotherapy with a competent, empathetic therapist can help connecting your head to your heart, your thinking to your emotions. And when that happens, you will connect better to others as well.

Hope you post again-

anita

November 15, 2016 at 1:28 am #120434

Nina Sakura
Participant

Noah,
It’s great you have made progress but I think what really matters is if you are satisfied and happy. It doesn’t mean your previous state wasn’t good – what you need to work on is your perception on the now which seems kind of undecided to me.

Does that make any sense?

Regards,
Nina

November 15, 2016 at 1:47 am #120436

AnitaD
Participant

Hi Noah,

Don’t compare yourself to this person or any one else. You said yourself that you are making good progress towards your goal. Stop and listen to that. You are progressing in the right direction in order to achieve your goal. That’s all that is important. We all do things in our own time and gain our own experience in life. We are here to live our own life not someone else’s. Just say you didn’t compare yourself to this person. How would you be feeling about your achievements so far? My guess is pretty OK or maybe even really good with yourself.Please take a pause and think about this, feel your own power and be confident and proud of who you are and what you do. Life isn’t a race, we all do things in our own time and the journey is our own. Please, please give up the comparison game it’s the road to misery and unhappiness.Best wishes Anita D

November 15, 2016 at 5:59 am #120437

Inky
Participant

Hi Noah,

There is Life Itself, and then there is your Life Situation. This other person could never be YOU.

And then there are your Goals and Aspirations. It took me a decade to realize that even your Goals aren’t YOU. If you get hit on the head and wake up with permanent amnesia, you are still irreplaceably YOU.

So let’s say you are both writers. And let’s say you’re still penning notes in your notebook while he got on the NY Times Best Seller List.

Is YOUR book (or metaphoric book) the same as his book? Probably not. Make your book, whether it’s on paper stuck in a drawer, published traditionally, or self-published online, utterly, totally, and completely yours. Therein lies a thumbprint your soul. But only a thumbprint.

And remember life is long. Yes, we can have A Mission. But there are also many Side Missions. There is often no One Reason for you being here, but more like A Dozen Reasons you’re here.

Best,

Inky

November 15, 2016 at 7:23 am #120441

greenshade
Participant

Hi Noah 🙂
You put into words something I was struggling with this very morning but couldn’t define, so thank you for that.
My solution to this is that it takes more than one person to build a society. No matter how brilliant the person you look up to is, he/she can not carry the weight of whatever service you are delivering alone. She/he probably works in tandem with other people, other professionals exist to reach the people she/he can’t reach. So even if this person is the end all, be all person in your field, you are still necessary, because of the people you are directly providing service to, if that makes sense.
Best,
m
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