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" Im not ready for the talk " … Follow up to previous post

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • October 20, 2016 at 4:42 am #118532
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Jess,

    It will be hard for your BF to see you. But you should still go to the wake. It would be harder for him if you weren’t there, in a weird way.

    Listen, he WANTS to believe you.

    Is it possible to get your ex on the line or meet him in person with your BF? And call him out on his lie “That it was all true”? If your BF sees you fighting with the ex, maybe it will dawn on him who was telling lies. And then NEVER communicate with the ex again (why would you after he sabotaged your current relationship?)

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    October 20, 2016 at 10:09 am #118550
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jess:

    Seems like he is still interested, still drawn to you. It may be that the loss of his friend brought to the forefront of his mind the loss of his relationship with you, intensified the latter. Although he is numb, as he stated, he feels the need to be with you, to reconnect, re-establish a relationship with you.

    Reads to me like you communicated well with him since he contacted you, said the right things. Follow what you said to him with action, with behavior that supports your words. Give him the space, the time. If you’d like go back to your previous thread and to my last post to you then. It may very well be relevant now.

    anita

    October 22, 2016 at 12:19 pm #118709
    Deleted due to privacy infringment
    Participant

    Hi Guys,

    Thanks for the responses… I did go to the funeral.. He was there alone without family or friends and I felt terrible… He saw me when he was leaving and gave me a half hearted saddened smile…. Few minutes later he text me thanking me for coming, it meant a lot to him and his friend always really liked me… I asked him how he was holding up, we talked about what a great guy his friend was and then he said ” heading to the cemetery now, thanks again, ily ” ….. told him to drive safely and I love him too….. That was all we said to each other…. Im so upset for him… and I miss him terribly….

    October 22, 2016 at 12:32 pm #118710
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jess:

    The exchange with him was gentle and affectionate. It is a good thing that although you miss him terribly that you are able to choose a behavior that is light and gives him the space that he needs. Good job on your part I say.

    anita

    October 22, 2016 at 1:39 pm #118712
    Deleted due to privacy infringment
    Participant

    Anita,

    I have never been in this position before and this is very unlike my behavior to actually give him space, which I know he is shocked over…. What do you think his thought processes may be during this space? He stated that he was not ready for the talk and I told him when he is ready, I am here. But what could be possibly getting ready for? …. I am trying to get some insight on his POV…

    Thanks!

    October 22, 2016 at 7:01 pm #118725
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jess:

    You are doing the right thing by him. Will it give you the results you want? Not necessarily.

    Regarding his POV there are possibilities for what that may be. You can examine the different possibilities with the information you already have about him, what you know about him.

    One possibility is that he will never be “ready for the talk” because he hates confrontations, difficult conversations. He may be a passive person who prefers (whether he is aware of it or not) others to push him into situations so that he doesn’t have to make a choice and be responsible for it. If this is the case, then an aggressive woman is more likely to get her way with him, that is, she pushes her agenda and he gives in. That will be short term success for the woman but long term misery for both.

    Before I go on and maybe come up with other possibilities, you can tell me more about the person that he is: is he afraid of confrontations; passive or assertive? Does he have trouble meeting women? Past relationships with women? This kind of information will help with narrowing down the possibilities for his POV and his future action or inaction.

    anita

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