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What do I want?

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  • September 26, 2016 at 3:19 am #116295
    Jackie
    Participant

    I should also add, along with my strong need for his approval also comes his need to not feel rejected. Albeit subconsciously, he has definitely manipulated me into staying friends before (through guilt, tears etc.). Basically, both our issues are affecting each other :/

    September 26, 2016 at 7:13 am #116301
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Jackie,

    You are so conflicted I honestly can’t advise you to do one thing or another. (A first for me! LOL)

    I will say this. Your whole post is a big resounding “Yes, but…”

    Maybe honor your “but”s. Dare I say move out of the village. Perhaps get a good therapist. By knowing “YOU” inside and out, what makes you tick and why… Plus a good dose of time and distance…

    Maybe in a three or four years you two can start over ~ fresh. As old friends turned strangers now becoming new lovers.

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    September 26, 2016 at 7:27 am #116302
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Jackie,

    Consider the following questions-

    1) do you want a romantic relationship with him?
    2) can you stay just friends with him? (minus the kissing and cuddling)

    If the answer is no to both, then limit contact with this person for your well-being and his. Sometimes the kinder way is the harder way.

    Regarding him reminding you of your mom, all I can say is that you aren’t a child anymore. Make your choices. Figure your life out for your sake.

    I hope the other posters will have more enriching insights.

    Regards,
    Nina

    September 26, 2016 at 7:51 am #116306
    Jackie
    Participant

    Hi both,

    Thanks for the replies. Inky, I like the idea of what you’ve suggested because time is really the only way to heal.

    I have just messaged him about my anxieties about dating. I have decided to call it off because it’s not fair to him, he is very hurt and has said a final goodbye. But I kind of feel better saying it now rather than later.

    I just know in my gut it wasn’t right and I do feel a sense of relief now.

    I also feel really fucking sad because I did care for him (as a person) and I know how much he is hurting.

    I will at least try and help myself. At least that way, some good’s come out of it.

    Jackie

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