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How do i make my life better?

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  • September 24, 2016 at 5:21 am #116125
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi prakashraj,

    Feelings are just that: FEELINGS. Next year you might not have feelings for her at all, who knows? Feelings do not mean you get to stalk her, harass her or make her feel bad. Because guess what? She has feelings too. No matter how strong your In Love feelings are, her Indifference trumps that. Every time.

    This is what most men do when they know a girl’s out of their league. They “put something in the bank”. They grind. They kill 1000 Level One Rats and in a few years they go up a Level. Which means that whenever they see the girl they smile. Give her a compliment. Wave. Tell her about the party coming up. Help her with her homework. But they do only one of those in a casual way when they bump into her. And never everything at once. And they don’t stalk her.

    The other thing people do is give it TIME. She may be all that when she’s in school and young. But after she graduates? Maybe not so much as she’d like to imagine. And later at 30? She’ll be GLAD to run into you as you won’t be “that guy” at college anymore! You will be up several Levels by then!

    So let her go for now and maybe in time (I’m talking a year plus) see where she is.

    Blessings,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by Inky.
    September 24, 2016 at 8:25 am #116133
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear prakashraj:

    I think it was a good choice for you to express your feelings to her when you did the first time because as a result you found out that she didn’t have similar feelings for you and therefore a love relationship was not to be.

    Then you found out that continuing to have a friendship relationship with her did not serve you well: that it distressed you. So you made another good choice: you told her that you can’t be her friend.

    Here is where the problem is: you continued a friend-relationship with her even though you already figured out it was harming you and even though you asserted yourself with her, telling her you can’t be her friend. She insisted on being your friend- it suited her- but it didn’t suit you. You should have done what was right for you, not what was convenient for her.

    You continued the friendship, your anger grew and you released it in ways that you are unhappy about. You tried to make her un-friend you (an indirect strategy that brought about more problems).

    The assertive way would have been to be very clear with her and tell her that being her friend hurts you, that you will not respond to her contacting you- and then follow through with not responding to any effort on her part to contact you.

    How do you make your life better? (title of your thread)- at this point, have no contact with her (other than randomly seeing her around, which you cannot avoid). Do not talk about her to anyone. And then learn from the experience, to be assertive and direct.

    What do you think about my reply to you?

    anita

    September 25, 2016 at 3:38 am #116174
    prakashraj
    Participant

    Hello Everyone. Thank you for the advice Anita and Inky. I appreciate that you’ve spared time to read my situation. And perhaps Having No contact and Distancing myself is the only choice i have now. I’m quite attached to her that i still have the desire of being in love with her and staying with her but i feel it’ll only make things worse for me and her. I’ll distance myself and move ahead. Thank you for taking time.

    September 25, 2016 at 8:26 am #116183
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, prakashraj. Post anytime you need to express your feelings, as well as if you need input.
    Focus on doing every day what is beneficial to you- place your well being first.

    anita

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