He’s fallen in the friend zone. He has so much in common with you, that there is nothing left to uncover, no more adventure, no more excitement, no more room for growth. You mesh so perfectly together, that, although you are best friends, he doesn’t seems to offer any more potential as a romantic partner. Inside you feel you have outgrown him. Meaning you have given and received everything this relationship has to offer. This is not something you should feel shame about. It does happen. This is because you spend far too much time together. You are the center of his world, the source of all his happiness and the meaning of his life. This presents a great deal of pressure on you, as he has few aspects of his life that doesn’t involve you. He spends most of his time with you and neglects his friends, and neglects his own pursuits in life. You desire a man who is more independent, who has other aspects to his life which don’t revolve around you. Someone who has a greater sense of mystery, adventure, excitement, and most importantly, someone who offers a greater potential for growth in a romantic partnership. This smothering you speak of, is immense pressure on you, it’s unfair, it’s stressful, and it’s forcing you into a role you should never have to fulfill.

What you should consider first is this, before making your decision think to yourself, can I live without him? Because it’s not fair to him, if you remain friends. So, you either have to cut him loose or commit to fixing this relationship. To try to keep him as a friend will ultimately hurt him, it will lead him on, with a prospect of a distant chance at reuniting and taking another shot at this relationship. He may never admit it, but he will always hope for the opportunity. So, rather than leading him on, he needs to either be cut loose or the two of you need to fix this relationship. Now, only do this if you can’t live without him.

To salvage the relationship is going to involve a commitment from both of you. He needs to free you from that burden of being the center of his world, instead, he needs to spend more time with his friends, inject a little more testosterone in his daily activities. He should spend more time enjoying life separately from you. He needs to invest more time on himself, pursue a career that gives his life purpose and satisfaction. He needs more time with the guys. The two of you became vanilla, precisely because you are together too much.
Next, you should encourage him to take a leadership role with the relationship, that means planning dates without your input, that means spontaneity, that means encouraging him whenever possible to take charge, to be more assertive. This will move your relationship in a much more exciting direction.

Now if you decide to leave him, don’t fall in the trap for the bad boy, the alpha male. You will find yourself more attracted to this outspoken, persistent, adventurous type; but you are being led astray nine times out of ten. You will be attracted to the alpha male precisely because he will be the opposite of your current boyfriend. But this could quickly lead you into a very physically abusive relationship, so you need to guard yourself against this. There are some red flags to search for: jealousy, overly-protective, overly assertive, rebellious, confrontational, controlling, persistent to where he doesn’t accept no for an answer, the list goes on, it all comes down to domineering tendencies.

Well I hope this helps!

And remember, complete separation is just a pause button on the relationship, a year, 2 years, 5 years. You will still have the same impression of the relationship as you did when you decided to get some space. It hasn’t addressed any of the issues that are causing your unhappiness. The relationship will still end up back on the same course that led you to escape. Both of you need to work towards a different course, one that gives both of your lives fulfillment.