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Feeling like something is wrong with me..

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  • July 29, 2016 at 4:52 am #110848
    Gaia
    Participant

    Hello everyone!! I wanted to join this beautiful and full of windsom community in order to help and get help too, since I feel down lately and full of self-loathing. I’m a ordinary 18 years old girl who Always struggled with self confidence and self-love.. And that’s because I feel like a living contradiction, feel like I have a truly fixed personality but it changes and turns around depending on the environment and on the people. For example, I may look like the ultimate introvert and I am, yet I extract my energy and joy of living from having lots of friends and hanging out. I look super confident and sassy, especially with people of the opposite sex, but inside I know I am my worst judger and when it comes to social situations, I feel shy and awkward. A couple of months ago, I joined a trip for a famous European city made up of peers and a few Teachers.. Well, it sorted out to be one of the worst days. Those kids made fun of me for my period smell and mostly couldn’t click with me, in the end I had to talk about this with my Teachers and even if they decided to face the problem with other kids, I felt like I was the one blamed. Teachers said of me that I was been too thin skinned and overall a bit strange because of my direct and “nosy” attempts to approach and for my introvert personality. It made me a bit shamed And once at home I kept on thinking about what happened, about my failed attempt at socializing and how a fool I looked like. Even now, I feel a bit angry and down, I beat myself up for being a little too thin skinned but at the same time, it hurted me that I was perceived as weird, I tried to avoid being “weird” for a lifetime. I’d like some of your pretious advices and tips about this, just needed to let this out

    July 29, 2016 at 5:43 am #110850
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi bluefire,

    I hated that! Been there, lived it!

    OK, the “period smell”… Do you mean you were menstruating and they actually smelled it, or do you mean that you simply smelled and they made fun of it, or they just made something up to make fun of you for? This is actually important. The grooming/cleanliness thing. If people see something is off (like food in your teeth) or smells irregular, they focus on THAT and can’t see YOU.

    The older you get, the more people are (generally) less snobby in a vocal way. Don’t let this one trip turn you off from group travelling!! It helps if you go with a friend, boyfriend or relative so you have “your” people going in and people will be more drawn to YOUR orbit.

    Blessings (from a fellow weird thin-skinned introvert),

    Inky

    July 29, 2016 at 5:48 am #110851
    Gaia
    Participant

    Hey Inky, thanks for the reply!! For “period smell” I mean.. I was on my period that’s usually heavy and after being at the bathroom, it remained a bit of that smell. Anyway, I’m usually clean and well groomed.. I strongly dislike poor hygiene and I think that one episode couldn’t be controllable.. I don’t see them as mean people but I honestly can’t stand this kind of teasing especially when it’s against other people, I sually stand up for them but I’m not that good at standing up for myself, I guess

    July 29, 2016 at 7:58 am #110853
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear bluefire:

    You wrote: ” I feel like a living contradiction, feel like I have a truly fixed personality but it changes and turns around depending on the environment and on the people”

    I don’t believe anyone is born with a “fixed personality”- I don’t believe, for example, that a person is born introverted or extroverted. This as other personality traits develop over time as a result of interacting with other people, most significantly, as a result of interacting with our parents (the most important and powerful people in our young lives).

    As a baby, you were born confident to just be. Then later, that confidence was damaged. Hardly anyone, if anyone at all, keeps that baby-confidence. We are all taught to lose some of it, for example, we are no longer confident enough to go to perform the body functions in front of other people, as babies do. And it is a good thing, I suppose.

    So the environment and other people are very influential, when we are young, in determining our personality, how we feel and how we behave.

    You are 18, very young. Lots to learn, for one, learn who you are, how influenced you were by your parents/ early environment, how you behave now as a result of that influence, why you behave differently with different people at different times, what you would like to change because it is not working for you, what you can’t change, and so forth.

    What do you think so far about what I wrote?

    anita

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