Need help dealing with the stress of art

New Reply

This topic has 9 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 9 months ago by Anonymous.

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)

Author

Posts
June 28, 2016 at 4:20 am #108405
Inky
Participant
Hi Ben,

I was an Artist back in the 90’s before any of this techno-stuff came on the scene. Now I get in the mindset of “Why bother”? If you know what you’re doing, you can make a pencil sketch on a crumpled napkin look like a masterpiece with the right programs. (I don’t know what I’m doing LOL)

Yes, my work had been rejected, and I was all So why did you hire me in the first place? The problem is art is so subjective!

I got stressed out and still get stressed out if I try to produce any art for other people.

Now I’m a Mom and I view my art as a hobby only. I do feel like I “failed” as “Artist” was my identity for so long.

I wish I had better advice. I like the Web Designer path. Also consider Social Media Consultant, where you set up businesses’ social media sites and update them. I have another friend who is making a killing transforming other people’s photos into art. Again, techno stuff, BUT the person will see kind of how it will turn out if she’s seen one.
- This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by Inky.
June 28, 2016 at 6:22 am #108408

Mike DiLeone
Participant

Hi Ben. Your level of stress is very obvious. One thing that jumped out at me is the level of self-awareness you have. You definitely have the answers you seek within, you just need to gently pull them out.

On the surface it sounds as if the job you are currently in is not what you want to do with your life and that in itself can cause tremendous stress. I was there once too and believe me, when you start doing things that are in alignment with your purpose, you will see life and stress in a different light.

You mentioned that you are going to school to be a web designer. Congratulations, that is awesome! You also mentioned that you dont want to start somewhere else for lower wages. There is a chance that will happen if you decide to switch company’s. Have you considered staying where you are at as a “bridge job” while you finish school? Or while you start a side business? Try to think of the positives of this job- the money, hours, location, etc.. and focus on that until you find a job that you want or build your own business. If you have skill in web design, you can freelance or post “gigs” on a site like Fivver, which is what I used to design my blog and eBook. There are people on there making some nice money and doing good work. That might be something worth looking into.

As for feeling like a fraud, I think that can be related to two things (and likely includes bits of both): first is that this work is not in alignment with what you really want to do. Next is that it could be also related to low self-confidence for this particular skill. Just remember that us creative types (I am a writer and coach)- we will always have our fears and feelings of inadequacy. It comes with the work. it is scary to put it out there, open to criticism and comparison. But, we continue to do it anyway because we have the courage to do so. Do the best in what you do, and have authentic intentions, and your path will unfold in front of you just the way it is intended.

Good luck! Please feel free to check out my blog, mikedileone.com, to see the work of the people I worked with on Fivver (also had my eBook designed on there and the work she did was amazing). Please keep us posted.

Mike

June 28, 2016 at 8:58 am #108416

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Ben:

The creative part of you suffers when the job is monotonous (99% of the time, you wrote). Unfortunately, the creative part of you suffers when you do have a creative assignment in front of you (1% f the time) because the Bully part of you, is active when the job is creative: you inner-bully is beating on the creative part of you.

This is a no-win situation: you are unhappy whether the job is monotonous or creative. This is why the answer, I believe, is not in having a different job. Some jobs will be more unpleasant than others, but the problem is that inner bully.

You detailed your thinking. I will quote what you wrote and follow with paraphrasing the message behind the thought, the message the bully is expressing to you:

* “This person is paying me for my time or people are counting on me”
Bully: “You, Ben, are not worth their money and their trust and they are going to realize it any moment now: watch out- any moment now and you will be found out for being unworthy and unreliable.
* “but as this is a creative work and there is no right or wrong how do I know what will look good or what they will like?”
* Bully: You can’t do it right- you will be doing it wrong! And they will not like it, you will see!
“They must be wondering why I am taking so long”
Bully: you are too slow (and…too slow doing it the wrong way)!
* “I am embarrassed that I need to research techniques (mainly digital work) before I start work like I can’t do work on my own or like I feel I should know or be able to work this stuff out and because of this like I am a fraud”
Bully: Shame on you, Ben! You shouldn’t be researching! You should be able to do this on your own! You are a fraud!
* “I always feel inferior and like I am just making it up as I go along and that any moment people will realise that although my title is artworker and artist I am not an artist and in fact have never really liked ‘art’.”
Bully: You, Ben, you are inferior! You are just making it up as you go along, you don’t know what you are doing (doing it wrong and taking too much time doing it), and you are not a real artist, your title is not fooling them. Anytime now, they will find out you are a fraud!

So, with this Bully, life is almost impossible. You muscle through, do your best, but the bully is producing this heavy duty friction that acts against you moving forward. That friction harms your creativity at home and during the 1% at work. This friction also creates so much distress that it harms your health.

If you agree, and if there is something new to you in my analysis, let me know and we can continue to communicate about … the answer, the solution.

anita

June 28, 2016 at 9:23 am #108418

dmierzw1
Participant

Anita, after reading Ben’s description and your reply, I find that my issue (as it relates to art, and everything else for that matter) is also this bully that keeps me unhappy. The bully whose goal is simply to keep me unhappy, it does this by immediately jumping on whatever side I’m not on. I know your answer was for Ben, but I’d love to hear more about “the answer, the solution”, and ways to start giving this bully less power, to lessen the ample friction. Hoping and looking forward to hearing back, -Dylan

June 28, 2016 at 9:48 am #108420

Mike DiLeone
Participant

Anita- good take on the “bully” within. That was a great point!

One way that I managed to quell my inner-critic, aka “bully’ was to engage him in conversation. When he opined negatively, I put a face to him so I had a visual and I asked for proof that what he as saying was true. Not just an opinion but real, unequivocal proof. I find that most of the time, he cant provide it. Only his nasty comments. Then I know I am on the right path because I have created fear in him, which is why he is screaming for attention. I gently remind him that I know he is looking out for my best interest, and also that without proof, I know that what he said was not true, so therefore I must continue on. At the end of the day, I know my inner critic is trying to help in the only way he knows how. And I know that the louder he screams, the more I am on to something good. Giving him a voice and a face has changed the direction of my life dramatically. He’s still there, except now he is more like a crusty old friend that I met along the way. I expect the bluntness but I know his heart is in the right place 🙂

June 28, 2016 at 9:49 am #108421

Anonymous
Guest

* Dear Dylan: since this is Ben’s thread, I will be glad to communicate with you on your own thread. If you’d like click FORUMS above, choose a CATEGORY (Emotional Mastery, maybe), click that, go down the page to the empty box. You can copy your above post and past it there as is.
anita

June 28, 2016 at 2:58 pm #108432

Ben
Participant

Hi guys. Thank you for your responses, I don’t come here often but when I do the support I find is really helpful, you guys are great.

I should point out that I am not going to school to study web design I am doing it on my own. Mainly because I cannot afford to not be in work and I simply cannot afford education. And to be frank unless I know I will really love whatever I study or that it will be beneficial I am simply not ready to jump into bed with any subject that will require such a huge commitment. So my decisions are limited by what can I study on my own or cheaply and at least get a test drive before I need to commit to anything. And of course what field has jobs available in my locale. Web design is the current winner although I am also interested in therapy though in person I am perhaps a bit too gruff or macho to be a good fir for that….but we will see once I’ve checked it out a bit more.

A lot of my stress stems from being unsatisfied with my work that is an understatement. It is monotonous until its impossible and I get little or no guidance or support. I have mentioned this in other threads but I definitely need another job and am working on that right now.

Anita your Bully metaphor was really good, it reminded me a bit of the chimp paradox. It is amazing how simply putting a voice and a persona to those statements changes them and makes them clearer to identify. You are spot on with your assessment, I need to learn how to deal with this bully as this same process occurs whenever I do creative work that is to be viewed by others. I have had it all my life or at least since my teens. One thing I am really worried about is that if I totally give up on art and go into something much less subjective and more technical but still get this same bully I will have worked for nothing.

There is also a lot of stress right now to get a new career as my previous one bombed and I still have little real interest in anything anymore but that is a different issue though no doubt contributes to my current mindset.

Going to get some sleep now b ut thanks for everything guys I really appreciate it.

Ben

June 28, 2016 at 6:31 pm #108434

Octavian
Participant

Between the stimulus and response there is a space.. and in that space residues your freedom. It is how you respond to a situation that makes the situation stressful or pleasing. Remembering this means you can be free from the hellish ways of the primitive parts of the human brain.

June 28, 2016 at 7:56 pm #108447

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Ben:

Yes, the bully will go with you wherever you go and whatever career you pursue. It will because it resides in your brain, so … wherever you go, it goes.

There are ways to deal with the bully, to weaken him and that’s the best way to go. There is a new thread that a respondent to your thread here started today and I will be communicating with her about the goal of shrinking or weakening the inner bully, aka toxic inner critic. You can visit that thread and you can also communicate with me here about it.

anita
Author

Posts