Dear Decdog:

The little description you gave of his mother makes me cringe. Oh, oh is my automatic response. This is a possible explanation of what is going on, for you to evaluate if you choose, evaluate for accuracy as soon as you can, so to get a clearer picture and decide on your next move (to travel or not and how to proceed in this new relationship). Again, it is only a possibility. Something about it may be accurate and very well worth evaluating (I will be typing as I develop my imagined poissibility, making a story out of it):

Your new boyfriend, B, is very sweet to you. He has experience being sweet, to his mother. He loves and adores his mother and wants nothing but to please her, although sometimes he is critical of her choices. He has been a sweet boy to his mother, picking up flower on his walk from school and presenting it to her with a smile, eager to get a warm reaction from her.

B met you and likes you and of course, his first thought (or second): please his mother, bring his mother this new… flower he found. He also needs his mother’s approval because he always did.

You travel to Indonesia and meet his mother. There is a test there and two options: you get her “pass” grade or “fail.” If you pass her test, you also pass B’s test. If you fail her test, you failed B’s test.

As you prepate to travel and have fun, the main purpose you are traveling is for a pass-or-fail test by a woman you never met and of whom you heard not-so-great things about (one is that you not being Indonesian may be the single Fail test factor).

Maybe you can check with B to see if his mother is at all open for non Indonesian as a possible mate for her son, as well as if she would make exceptions for non Indonesians and what those exceptions would be (for example, she may be okay with a non Indonesian with wealth) before you go…

anita