“If a man be gracious and courteous to strangers, it shows he is a citizen of the world.” -Francis Bacon
The other day, I visited a new doctor, and noticed the nurse who took my vitals seemed somewhat withdrawn. He didn’t make eye contact while taking my pulse, or engage in conversation. While I realize a medical appointment is not a social outing, I got the sense he was going over something in his head, and I found myself wanting to connect a little.
So while he was taking my blood, I asked, “Do you ever get squeamish when doing this? I think I’d pass out!”
He laughed and told me he’d gotten used to it. After all, he’d been in his job for 15 years.
His smile touched me, because I realized there was a good chance I could have left without seeing it. I could have sat there, said nothing, and then went along my merry way, knowing him only as the man who put a needle in my arm.
I realized then how much I appreciate sharing little moments with strangers—and how grateful I am when I get the opportunity to view people outside the context of our labels.
It’s when you bond with the person behind the counter at a coffee shop because he recognized you both have the same phone. Or when you laugh with the crossing guard because you both know what it’s like to be around rowdy kids.
It’s when all of a sudden we aren’t limited by the roles we play, but instead see each other as people just like us.
The other day I read that connecting isn’t the cure for loneliness—intimacy is. I suspect this is true. You can have countless acquaintances and yet still feel like no one really knows you. We need to really see and be seen by people, but we can also give and receive a lot from these brief encounters with strangers.
Every day, we come into contact with hundreds of people without ever knowing them beyond faces in the crowd. It’s tempting to bunch people into groups—your people, and the people you don’t know.
But there’s something immensely gratifying about blurring the lines a little. It’s not possible to get to know everyone. But it’s possible to know you shared a real moment, and made a difference in each other’s day.
Photo by goat_girl_photos
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
i believe in this so fully! in my job, it’s all about connecting and getting a piece of the ‘real’ person, understanding who they really are, seeing if they will respond in kind, or if they will stay in ‘selling’ mode. and when i am feeling down, doing this also makes ME feel good – reaching outside of myself. just like how they say to do volunteer work when you are grieving, reaching out to strangers – even if just a smile, looking into someone’s eyes and making them feel more at ease, relating to them, or just sharing a laugh, it is worth it. extra bonus? people will look out for you if you share a connection with them – you are no longer a stranger… thank you for a great post.
Hi Lori,
This is so true and makes a big difference in our day and the other person’s day. A small gesture, comment, really brightens life. Thank you.
rose
I loved this article!!!!!. I truly hate the disconnection there is between humans in certain areas of this beautiful country.
Today at the gym I was waiting for my class, and a young girl tripped while jumping and really hurt her ankle. I run to her and asked her if she was ok, she told me i was in a lot of pain so I run downstairs to her help and some ice. While I was walking back towards her there were around 45 people coming out of the class before mine and there was NOT ONE that ever asked her if she was ok… even though she looked distressed, they all looked at her over their shoulder and kept walking. I’ve lived in LA for 25 years and this still shocks me….how inhumane sometimes people can be towards other people….I honestly think that they would have stopped if this would have been an animal, like a dog or cat! This incident really bothered me!
Great story!Every little bit of kindness helped. You may made a huge difference in that doctor’s life by that small act of generosity!
This is an AWESOME article! There are so many things that resonated with me. I remember working retail when I was younger and sometimes I’d make a game out of engaging with people while ringing them up. Often that 1 minute interaction gave me so much to think about and often hours of interesting stories to share.
The paragraph, “The other day I read that connecting isn’t the cure for loneliness – intimacy is.” And “We need to really see and be seen by people, by we can also give and receive a lot from these brief encounters with strangers” really hit home with me and had me things about a few of my friends who are struggling with this. Seeing and being seen is such an honest and intimate thing and so often people feel invisible and in turn treat people the same.
Thank you for some food for thought today.
I remember one time I heard a comedian saying that when he was little, he always wanted the super power of been invisible and then he moved to LA and it came true!!!! hahahahahah
Haha! As someone who lives in LA, I can say that’s about right! =)
Thank you! I don’t know if he realized it, but just by connecting, he made a difference in mine, too. =)
You’re most welcome Mia. I also worked in retail, and I had a similar experience. I always enjoyed to work the fitting room, because that gave me the chance to tell people they looked beautiful. I loved seeing their faces when they heard that. =)
Yes, I notice the same thing! I love these little moments partly because there’s no subtext. There’s no history. It’s the ultimate in mindful connection–you’re truly seeing each other with new eyes.
You’re most welcome Rose. I’m glad you enjoyed this post. =)
Hi Giuliana,
That’s so wonderful that you were there to help her. It always makes me sad, too, to see people ignoring the people around them, especially when they need help. I suspect this is a defense that we build up over time as we learn it’s safest to keep to ourselves.
I live in LA, too, and I will say that one of the things I’ve noticed here (and in other big cities where I’ve lived) is that people are often too busy for the experiences that I treasure the most. People at the counters in coffee shops often need to rush because they’re responding to the urgency of the customers. People walking are often moving too quickly to make eye contact and say hello, because they have somewhere to be. And many of the people I’ve met have little time to be social because they have such jam-packed schedules. Busyness can put a huge wedge between us. I prefer to move at a slower pace–to have less to do and more opportunities to be with other people.
Lori
Bah-rilliant! Those little, simple, innocent connections are what make this whole game work.
Thanks for this awesome reminder!
Cheers!
Thanks Travis! I’m glad you enjoyed this post. =)
A great, simple post. Too often, blogs or websites that offer inspiration and motivation implore or encourage us to go for the big win, the epic encounter. Here you are, telling us that we can get so much by saying hello to the ticket taker at the movies, the stranger at the bus stop, and the street-corner florist.
There is no reason to be overwhelmed and stay distant. Always a timely message.
Thank you.
Thank *you*! I find these simple little things really make a big difference–both for my own happiness, and for the positive impact I want to have on other people.
If we would only pay it forward!!!!
I guess it starts with you and me, Giuliana. And everyone else who’s weighed in positively on this post.
Such a great article. You find out the most interesting things sometimes, and more often than not you can walk away with a smile. On a rare occasion you meet someone who you connect with and end up with a friend for life.
The days of technology have really made strangers of the people around us.
Jacquellyn
Yes, I am so grateful for technology for connecting us with so many people around the world!
Really nice article…. It’s now my 7th day reading blogs in tiny Buddha and I must admit that a lot of it moved me big time.
I hope connecting with strangers is something usual everywhere in the world . At the city where I work it is not very apparent. Sad to note but everybody seems to be in a rush.