“Eventually you will come to realize that love heals everything, and love is all there is.” -Gary Zukav
The end of last week was a little tough for me.
I was waiting to be scheduled for surgery, knowing it could fall anywhere within the next three months. I was realizing I will soon have thousands of dollars in medical and dental bills, between that, a recent mammogram to test another suspicious lump, and my eight cavity fillings.
I was worrying about disappointing my engaged sister who is expecting me to fly home soon for dress shopping, while also feeling overwhelmed about the three different sets of visitors I will be hosting in March. Lastly, I was dealing with some old issues that resurface every now and then, two decades after I first began addressing them.
On Thursday night, when my boyfriend and I were out for dinner, it took a Herculean effort to not break down in tears, which I knew would be embarrassing for him. I made it to the car and cried the whole way home.
Being the understanding, supportive person he is, he listened to me for more than an hour that night, and again on Friday morning when I started crying just minutes after waking up.
I don’t think I had a single thought that didn’t revolve around me, my discomfort, and my need to work through my feelings.
On Saturday morning, something occurred to me: I had been obsessing about myself and my circumstances, and my boyfriend willingly sat in that space with me, a source of nonjudgmental friendship and kindness.
What I had I done for him lately? Caught up as I was in my own drama, what effort had I made to be thoughtful—not in reciprocation, but just because I love and appreciate him?
So I emailed him at his work, offering to make our grocery run and then take him out to dinner. And I knew I brightened his day, the way he often brightens mine. Suddenly I felt a profound sense of relief, gratitude, and peace.
It wasn’t because I’d solved all my problems. It wasn’t because I’d made any major emotional breakthroughs. It was because I stopped focusing on those things, remembered how fortunate I am to have love in my life, and then put my love into action.
That’s the remarkable thing about love. It has an amazing power to heal—not just in the getting, but also in the giving.
Photo by kalyan02
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Kind and healing blessings to you…
A great reminder. I’m off to go give through love.
Thank you so much. =)
Thanks Bettina. Happy Monday =)
Sending lots of healing light your way!
Wow amazing amazing post….love is a many splendid and beautiful feeling/emotion <333
You’re such a good person with great energy. I am so sorry you are going through a hard time. Just know you are constant comfort and inspiration to many people. xo
Lovely Article 🙂
I have heard a great comment that love is never 50/50, it is always 80/20, sometimes you are the one giving 80%, sometimes you are the one receiving it, but in a healthy relationship it balances out over time. We all need to experience both aspects of it to truly love.
I’m sorry that you had such a tough week. A lot of people in my life are struggling right now (me included!). I’m sending lots of healthy, positive thoughts your way. I really enjoy your blog; you always give me something to think about.
Sending lots of love your way <3 You're lucky to have such a sweet and supportive boyfriend. I think we all need that one person in our life that can be a source of light when we're going through a dark period.
I hope you feel better soon. 🙂
<3 Madison
Thinking about you, Lori…
Love is the key to life, love is the key to life and love is the key to life! And, that’s all 😀
Love you Lori ♥ Thank you for spreading your love into the universe!
In a great relationship, love is not 50-50 …. it is 100%-100% … think about that 😀
Thanks so much Sophie! I appreciate the support.
Thanks Robyn. It helps for me to have an outlet to share what I’m going through. Just expressing myself and connecting with other people makes a big difference. Thank you for being here for me. =)
Thank you. =)
I think that’s a great point Kiri. Sometimes we need more support than others, and it generally all balances out!
Thanks so much Sage. I’m sending love back to you!
Thanks Madison. I do feel really fortunate. He’s such a wonderful source of love and support, and I always feel free to explore what’s going on in my head and heart. I know it sounds cliche, but I feel he inspires me to be a better person. In many ways, he’s my muse. =)
Thank you Krystle. =)
Thank you so much. Love you too Sarah! =)
So you never need to feel selfish for accepting support when it is offered, you just need to pay it back (or forward) when you can. I think when you can give up that feeling that you are being selfish and accept help unconditionally it is also powerful and healing.
I know what you mean. For me, though, it’s not so much about feeling selfish when I receive support. It’s more that I feel unbalanced when I dwell on fears and worries. I also find that giving actually makes me feel really good! It pulls me out of myself–and it lifts me up to know I’m doing something nice for the people I love.
You go girl!
what a dynamic realization.
Lori, you are getting so honest, authentic and transparent, and have the courage to be all of it in public.
no theories. just down and out honesty!
BRAVO!
linnaea
Thanks so much linnaea. =)
Amen to that! I also tend to focus my energy on my lover when I realize that I’m thinking too much about the negative in my own life. Seriously, he’s such a patient, kind man and he listens me to complain and cry for hours at a time! He deserves some love!
It never ceases to amaze me just how warm a blanket the human condition can be. Tiny Buddha has definitely helped reveal that to me in the past year that I’ve been reading.
It sounds like our boyfriends have a lot in common! I’m so glad Tiny Buddha has been helpful to you this past year. Running the site really helps me.
Wonderful!
Thank you!
Fantastic as always and so very true. Giving is just as amazing as receiving and we often forget how much others give to us. I often think back of what I put my hubby through when I recovered from anorexia. He was alone for 3 months while I was at a treatment facility and we had only been married for a few months. However, he was there, supporting me every step of the way even if the situation was hard for him too. I was so caught up in my own problems that I never thanked him and simply didn’t realize how much he’d been there for me.
Sometimes, we are a bit too self-obsessed, but once you realize it and can do something for others, it feels amazing.
I have definitely had my share of self-obsessed times! I have some old pains that resurface every now and then (some stuff I’ve chosen not to write about, simply because the stories involve other people who I don’t want to call out or hurt). My boyfriend is always there when I need support, whether it’s convenient for him or not. He told me that once that love isn’t always convenient, so I try to remember this now when there’s something kind I can do for him–even if it might inconvenience my day. He’s certainly inconvenienced many of his days for me!
Incidentally, I also struggled with a serious eating disorder, and I know how difficult it can be to recover. How wonderful you’re healthy now–how wonderful we’re *both* healthy. Here’s to us! =)
Surgery? Oh my goodness…I know I will only say what does not need to be said…You will be in my prayers (along with many, many others) AND I Love You.
Thank you Cal. I really appreciate that. =)
Sending you lots of love,
Lori
I was following this website from few weeks and can attach most of them with my own life. So it looks i have found a solution here.. My day now starts with reading an article here and all of a sudden whole of my problems vanishes.. Its awesome work you people are doing.. Thanks. Take care.
I’m so glad the site helps you Anuj! You’re most welcome. =)
I love this site and how it has helped me eversince i joined the community….please keep it flowing and don’t stop cos am always here..
Thanks so much Abigail–and thank you for being part of the community here. =)