Tiny Wisdom: All the Fun You Missed

“Don’t let the past hold you back; you’re missing the good stuff.” -Unknown

There have been times when I’ve regretted that I missed out on so much when I was younger.

Because I held onto pain so tightly, I missed out on countless opportunities for fun while sitting alone and feeling bad for myself.

Because I felt so insecure for so long, I missed out on the chance to make strong friendships while shutting down and assuming people would hurt me.

And because I was afraid of failing, I missed out on all kinds of professional opportunities while doing what felt easy and safe.

Now, in my early 30s, it’s tempting to look back and feel bad for squandering those years when I was so full of potential. Then I remember: I still am.

The other night, I attended a family function with many of the amazing, interesting people who I didn’t fully appreciate when I was caught up in my personal dramas. I planned to leave early because I was somewhat tired, but I ended up dancing until the last song with my big fat Italian family.

I remember looking around at my cousins, ranging in age from 11 to 35, my aunt in her 50s, and friends of all ages in between, and recognizing that we were all the same on the dance floor.

We were all losing ourselves in the music, likely thinking about nothing, simply choosing to be together and move. It was almost as if in that moment, we were ageless. What had come or what was coming didn’t matter right then.

All that mattered was that we all had the same choice to make: sit it out, or dance (yes, like in the song).

That’s the choice we’re faced with every day.

We can focus on the fun things we could have done but didn’t, or we can do something fun right now.

We can dwell on the mistakes we made in past relationships, or we can focus on enjoying the relationships we’re in right now.

We can think about all the opportunities we missed out on, or we can focus on embracing possibilities right now.

There will always be something we didn’t do yesterday, but we get to choose right now how yesterday looks when we get to tomorrow. Right now, whatever age we are, this is our chance to live.

Comments

23 responses to “Tiny Wisdom: All the Fun You Missed”

  1. kathleen Avatar
    kathleen

    So very true! Thank you for this reminder that Life is Now xo

  2. Lkeohokapu Avatar
    Lkeohokapu

    I’ve done this many times. but now am being smart about my choices life is to short to be alone. life is about sharing with other people

  3. Jcbarron Avatar
    Jcbarron

    The choice to be happy is a decission I can make anytime throughout the moments of our lives.

  4. Mark Ward Avatar

    I’d offer its important to reflect and learn, but damaging to wallow in regret and what-ifs. Love the article, we have potential every waking hour whatever out age. All dancing our merry dance on the dancefloor.

    http://www.barefootcourier.com

  5. winsomebella Avatar

    Wise and wonderful advice, even for someone who has quite a few more years worth of missed opportunities. Thanks.

  6. Vanessa Avatar
    Vanessa

    A wonderful reminder for something that I have often forgotten, especially this past year. Thank you for writing this! 

  7. AlexE Avatar
    AlexE

    Very wise and apt expecially at this time of year when we look back at our year and sometimes forget about looking ahead…personally I do have to stop dwelling on the what if’s and I could have been…and remember what is and who I am and what I have! Thank you for this…beautiful x

  8. I see the light... Avatar
    I see the light…

    Lovely post! Timely with the New Year approaching. Second chances to do it again. Do it right. I spent a greater portion of my 20’s-30’s in that self-imposed prison. Life WAS a spectator sport for me. I internalized everything, became a work-a-holic. Thanks to a great therapist, I saw the light. I now view life differently. Carpe Diem. It goes so quickly. To waste a single second on past regrets is pointless. Really it is. Thank You Tiny B. for reminding me! Life is much more rewarding when you are an active participant!

  9. Jacque Avatar
    Jacque

    I had the same observation . . . or very similar . . . “mid-30’s? I’ve got like, 10 more years of squandering my potential to look back on!” But this post is a good one. Don’t look back! Thank you for this New Year’s present.

  10. Caritas Avatar
    Caritas

    Need to hear this today – thank  you

  11. Lori Deschene Avatar

    Thank you and you’re welcome! I hope there are indeed many more years, and that I remember to be present for them.

  12. Lori Deschene Avatar

    You’re welcome! It’s funny, because sometimes I feel like I’m not young anymore, but then I remember it’s truly all relative. I know young people of all ages, and they have one thing in common: they don’t look back! Happy Holidays =)

  13. Lori Deschene Avatar

    You’re welcome. =)

  14. Lori Deschene Avatar

    I couldn’t agree more! It reminds me of Christopher McCandless who left his family for solo adventure in the wilderness. When he was close to death from poisoning, he reflected that happiness is only real when it’s shared. I think we can experience happiness alone, but it’s meaningful balance that really makes me happy.

  15. Lori Deschene Avatar

    I can totally relate to what you wrote about life being a spectator sport. I was just terrified of everything! I still deal with fear, but the difference is that I now deal with it instead of always running from it. You’re right–it’s much more rewarding!

  16. Lori Deschene Avatar

    You’re most welcome. =)

  17. Lori Deschene Avatar

    Yes, so beautifully written!

  18. Lori Deschene Avatar

    You’re most welcome! It’s so easy to get caught up in the “what could have been” trap. I know I’ve been there before…and I also know nothing good comes from it. “What could be” is so much more fun to consider, plan, and act on!

  19. Lori Deschene Avatar

    You’re welcome Vanessa!

  20. Lori Deschene Avatar

    Good point! We have to look back to learn. It’s all about how we look back and why.

  21. Mark Ward Avatar

    Yes, is a tough balance though, one I’m working on.

  22. Ricky Avatar
    Ricky

    Yes I agree, with the post, it’s very wonderful and inspirational, but it’s the barriers inside me that stop me from doing all the things I missed out in my life, I am 21 and I know I am still at the golden ages of your but yet I feel limited by college, I am dwelling in such a mess, a chaos, I am literally dwelling in front of my pc every day… It’s so boring life, I want to go out and meet out new friends but it’s so difficult everyone is busy with their company, stuff and so on.. I have 2 best friends who could in a no way find time for me in less then a month… so we practically meet just once a year…
    I am really sad about not being able to do anything about it, I am somehow in someway self imprisoned… I know what I want but just can’t get it done. I attended few NGO’s but stopped going, somehow I fee uncofortable, can’t catch the flow.. etc…
    I wonder what is your insight to this situation of mine!
    Thanks in advance

  23. Lori Deschene Avatar

    Hi Ricky,

    I know this is going to sound overly simple, but my advice is to just keep trying. I know it’s tough because college can bring stresses, and people are busy. I actually still deal with that now as an adult living in LA. I have some friends who I love spending time with who just never have any time. All we can do is keep going out and putting ourselves out there to meet new people. As far as I’m concerned, as long as we’re not sitting on the sidelines, wishing we could get more involved with the world, we are not missing out!

    I hope this helps!
    Lori

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