“Stress is caused by being ‘here’ but wanting to be ‘there.”‘ -Eckhart Tolle
There is little in life that is more stressful than thinking you need be somewhere else but feeling powerless to get there.
There’s this dream I used to have over and over again. I’d want to get somewhere, but my body wouldn’t move. I’d start running, but I would essentially be jogging in place, like Wile Coyote when he was pushed off a cliff but he’d continue moving his legs while suspended in mid-air.
No matter how much energy I expelled, I was immobile; but I always kept fighting, sweating, and screaming, hoping something or someone would save me from the pain of my paralysis.
That’s how I lived my life. There was always something I visualized as the end-all-be-all in terms of happiness, and it was always something that evaded me—a relationship, a job, an adventure, and usually underneath it all a feeling I desperately wanted.
It was always something just out of reach until I got it, and my internal supervisor gave me a new assignment to target my aching, endless want. There was no reward to achieving; just a new demand to cower before.
I’ve realized there will always be the possibility of a tomorrow that could be better than today. There’s always going to be a there that sounds like a fantasy—someday when you’ve gotten what you want.
You could easily wrap your whole life around the promise of getting there and tie your emotions to the illusion of getting closer. You could stress out if you don’t think you’re making progress or feel frustrated that you haven’t seen enough results. You could complain to people about feeling stuck and dwell on how much better things would be if only you could get there.
You could do all of that—if you want to choose unhappiness. Because this moment, right now, is life. And where we are is where we have an opportunity to be happy.
We can fight it and feel stressed or let go and feel peace.
That doesn’t mean we can’t strive for things we want. It just means we’ve realized the path to a bright tomorrow starts with a choice to recognize and create light today.
Dig your heels in and take a deep breath. You are here, and this is all that’s guaranteed. What’s good about this moment, and how can you appreciate and enjoy it?
Part of this post is excerpted from my book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions.
Photo by Viewoftheworld
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
[…] I heart this article from Tiny Buddha: Choose to Be Here […]
Thanks Lori,
Really needed to be reminded of that today 🙂
Synchronicity! Amazing, this came into my gmail box and I read the Tolle quote “Stress is caused by being “here” but wanting to be ‘there’.” My being “here” stress this moment is about the possibility going around in my head that I might not be able to be at a place of “there” that I need to be tomorrow because of weather. Yeah, weather! Can my plans be changed if needed, you bet! But I continue to stress and hold onto the “here” and “there” feelings that cause me quite a bit of suffering right now. So THANKS! This offers me new perspective and informs my decision to take care of the “there” with contingency plans so that I can be “here” in the pleasures of a winter storm!
[…] Be mindful of the present moment because the past is over, and the future doesn’t exist. The only moment is now. […]
I just lost my cousin on Saturday; she was 48 years old…. my age. I have been struggling with accepting the fact that she is gone and there was no time to see her and tell her how much I loved her. The sentence, “You are here, and this is all that’s guaranteed;” is what I needed to move me into another mindset. One of letting go and feeling peace and choosing to be happy because “this moment, right now, is life” and we are not guaranteed a tomorrow. Thank you
This post resonated with me so much today! I am a graduate student in psychology and with that comes the need to wear various “hats” throughout the week (aka, take on lots of different roles). When i’m working with clients, thoughts of my research creep in; when i’m doing coursework, ideas for programming get in the way of retaining my readings; when i’m home cooking a meal for my family, I am reminded of all the projects, tasks, treatment plans, analyses, evaluations that are waiting for me elsewhere. It is so difficult to be present to the moment and not feel like you need to be elsewhere. This post is such a great reminder of the important of mindfulness and being grounded to the now. Thank you.
It is amazing today to get an Eckart Tolle quote today.. I heard one recent from a friend will read more from him now .. have been so stuck in the past and worried about so many things since the loss of ny father a year ago .. just having a hard time moving toward.. I too feel like I am paralyzed or running in place .. and getting nowhere .. this post really spoke volumes to me .. will do more reading from Mr Tolle.. think his name came up twice this week is sending me a message .. I am starring on my path of moving out of this darkness .. it seems so slow .. but I have never gad a loss like this un my life before .. just wasn’t prepared .. as I thought I was .. my goal is to gain a new sense of me when I come through the other side.
I really needed this today. I lost my job last week and am so caught up with the stress it brought me. I will take a step back, breathe and realize I’m here and things will work out 🙂
Great post. It’s good to have goals don’t don’t let those future goals overwhelm you to a point where you can’t be happy in the moment.
Hi, I had a similar experience a couple of weeks ago with Mr Tolle’s quotes. When I googled him, I found the webcasts he made with Oprah on his book A New Earth. After watching the 10 episodes I have changed a lot of the way I approach each moment.
I haven’t read his books, but I’m going to. It is amazing how much we miss by not being present.
You’re most welcome. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sending good thoughts and lots of love your way.
I’m glad this helped Connie! I’ve lost my fair share of jobs…and many times it was a blessing in disguise. In fact, I got laid off from two jobs in the same week not long before I started this site. Perhaps this will be a blessing in disguise for you as well!
You’re most welcome Rob. =)
Thanks Casey! Beautifully written. =)
I”m so sorry for your loss. I think losing our loved ones is truly the biggest challenge we face in life. Have you read The Power of Now? That book was really a life changer for me. I had yet to read A New Earth, but I’ve heard it’s equally powerful!
You’re most welcome. You have a beautiful site, by the way!
You’re most welcome Lola! I’m glad this helped. =)
Thanks Lori! The site was definitely tinybuddha inspired, so thank you on that front as well 🙂
That’s so cool to know! You’re welcome. =)
[…] Be mindful of the present moment because the past is over, and the future doesn’t exist. The only moment is now. […]
Lori,
This made me cry. I feel like you were writing about me. I have this internal battle that I have been fighting for a long time…and that is I will never be good enough for myself or anyone. I came to the United States when I was 12 years old. I wanted to be just like everyone else. I wanted to be smart, wanted and cool so I pushed myself really hard in school. I studied harder than my peers. I didn’t want to be the “Asian” girl who gets point out in class for failing a test. I didn’t want my teachers and my classmates to think that because I was different that I wasn’t smart and wasn’t good enough. One time, in my Public Speaking class, I got laughed at because of my thick Asian accent. I took the class in the first place, hoping to improve my English and communication skills. It didn’t help me at all. In fact, it made me feel worse. I fought back. It was so bad to the point that I even carried a dictionary with me everywhere I went. If I caught a word I didn’t understand, I couldn’t wait until I was alone to find out the definition. I tried to learn as much as I could. Speak as much as I can. I practiced whenever I had the chance. I challenged myself by taking classes harder than I could handle. I graduated high school with honors. Still, I wasn’t happy. I maintained the same attitude throughout college. I didn’t participate in many events and didn’t reach out enough to help others because I was so consumed in my own battle so that no one can say anything about me and can’t look down on me. I take criticisms very personally and as people’s ways of pointing out my incapabilities and weaknesses. In return, I work harder to prove to everyone that I am smart and that I am as capable as everyone else. I am a DV Advocate but I am still not happy. Everyday, I still fight the same battle that I have been fighting for the past 17 years. I live my life, regretting yesterday, unfulfilling today and a miracle tomorrow. Everyday, I ask myself, “When will I find some peace and some happiness?” This article is really sad because I am a very sad person. I am not sharing this for everyone to feel sorry for me or to pity me but I feel that it is a step for me so I can finally let go of the sufferings. I don’t have to prove it to anyone and I don’t want to prove it to anyone anymore! Go ahead, tell me that I am not not good enough. Go ahead, tell me that you can’t understand me because of my accent. Go ahead, say what you want to say about me because I am done with this!! Who the hell are you to judge me just because I am different?!!
Wow Mai Lee, what a powerful affirmation at the end of your comment! I don’t pity you; I admire you.
I had a hard time starting at age 12, too, and I carried a lot of those same feelings around for years. They still pop up every now and then. When that happens, I need to remind myself of the same things–that I am good enough, just as I am. Here’s to us! =)
Thank you. I needed to read this right at this moment.
You’re most welcome. =)
[…] could come to the beach with us, drive her car, and walk in the park, and while I had fun, I was not fully present—always worrying about some future event, like what to make for dinner or what I needed to do at […]
I remind myself everyday that today, the next hour, minute could be my last but yet its really hard living in the moment because our minds are triggered to think ahead and not now. How i slowly improved on the people pleasing / explain my actions extreme phase (im way calmer now) is by telling myself that whatever people see with the eye whether its you they see or something else it will always remain a story they can tell their friend, family etc come the next day it will be forgotten and there will be another story to tell about something new. To make myself feel better i begin turning my mind into “snob-mode” and as a dialogue in my head i say….”i dont care what you saying or thinking right now, you do not affect my life” 🙂 insane but it works SOMETIMES hee hee
That’s a great way to look at it Shana–and snob mode seems very helpful! Thanks for sharing this here!
happy to write on here 🙂
i had a very fun day, an i dont think i laughed so hard…….
i was in a very dark place for a very long time,
i think i finally found myself,
an just let the drama melt away.
if i can get over my past,
anyone can.
just got to remember to
take things one day at a time.
an love your family
friends <3