“Commitment in the face of conflict produces character.” ~Unknown
We all face obstacles in pursuing our goals, whether they’re professional or personal.
We think we’re on the right track but realize we’ve chosen the wrong approach. We’re enthusiastic and hard-working, but our support system disintegrates when we need them the most. We’re just about to make significant progress when we run out of time or funding.
Tenacious as we may be, we all have our breaking points—that moment when the potential rewards stop justifying the effort. Usually, that’s the hump that separates your best shot and your best reality.
Before you throw in the towel and go back to something safe and far less taxing, ask yourself the following questions:
1. Why did you want to pursue this goal to begin with, and has anything changed?
You had a good reason for committing to this plan. Maybe you visualized a financially free future once you started this new business, or you realized you’d live longer and healthier if you lost forty pounds.
Odds are, you still want those things as much as you did before; you just stopped believing you could have them because your attempts have yet to yield results. Now you have to ask yourself: If you push through the discomfort, will it be worth it in the end?
2. Have you been operating with too much information?
With so much information at our fingertips on the good ole World Wide Web, it’s easy to overwhelm yourself with more knowledge than you can apply. You read e-books and blogs, participate in teleconferences and coaching sessions, and join user forums to talk about getting things done.
One of two things happen as a result: You spend more time planning to act than acting, or you devote minimal energy to multiple plans instead of committing to one solid approach. Instead of drowning in all the data, why not narrow it down and start again from a less overwhelming space?
3. Did you set a smart goal? SMART goals are:
- Specific—you know exactly what your world will look like when you achieve this goal.
- Measurable—you have a specific plan to mark your progress as you go.
- Attainable—you have the attitude and aptitude to make your goal reality.
- Realistic—you’re willing and able to do the required work.
- Time-bound—you’ve set a concrete timeframe for completion to create a sense of urgency.
If you didn’t set a SMART goal, you may have set yourself up for failure. How can you possibly make something happen if you don’t know exactly what you want, or didn’t really believe you could do it? Are you really willing to walk away when you didn’t give yourself every opportunity to succeed?
4. What’s the worst that will happen if you keep going and don’t reach your goal?
Often when I want to turn around it’s because I’m afraid of failing—afraid other people will be disappointed in me or judge me, or afraid I’ll have wasted my time. In all reality, no one ever judges us like we judge ourselves, and we always grow and learn through the process of striving, regardless of what we attain.
If you don’t keep going, you’ll never know how far you could have gone and you’ll miss out on being the person you’d become through the effort itself. If you do keep going, well, it’s like this quote: “Shoot for the moon, for even if you miss you’ll land among the stars.”
5. Are you afraid of succeeding?
One of my biggest problems is that I don’t like responsibility. There are many things I’d like to do, but I resist because I don’t want the power to impact, hurt, or disappoint other people. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have dreams. It’s just that I’m just scared of what achieving them will entail.
If you can relate to this feeling, perhaps you’ll respond well to the mantra I’ve been repeating: Great power comes with great responsibility, but it also brings great rewards. If you play it safe you won’t hurt or disappoint anyone, but you also won’t help or inspire anyone. And equally important, you won’t help or inspire yourself.
6. Are you acting on impulse or emotion instead of thinking things through?
Sometimes our emotions give us hints about what we want and what we should do, but other times they’re just responses to stress, and maybe even indications we’re on the right track. If you act in that moment of intense emotion—be it anger, fear, or frustration—you may regret it once the wave has passed.
So sit back. Take note of what you’re feeling. Feel it fully, without judging it or yourself. Then act when you’ve gotten to the other side. At least then you’ll know you made your decision in a moment of peace and clarity.
7. Would you enjoy giving a loved one the honest explanation for why you gave up?
And I mean honest.
Would you like telling your daughter, “I stopped trying to quit smoking because cigarettes are more important to me than having more golden years to spend with you?”
Would it be fun to tell your mother “I decided not to go to school because I’d rather spend all my time with my boyfriend of three months than prepare for a career that will ensure I won’t end up jobless and homeless?”
If you lay it out like this, odds are you’ll realize you had a really good reason for doing this difficult thing, and no matter how challenging the process is, it’s worth plowing ahead.
8. Would your life be better if you gave up on this goal?
This may not sound motivational, but sometimes giving up is actually good thing. Perhaps you set a completely unrealistic goal and the pursuit of it is filling you with a constant sense of inadequacy and anxiety. Or maybe the goal isn’t in your or your family’s best interest, and it’s better to get out before you invest so much time it’s near impossible to walk away.
You could easily use this as a justification to delude yourself, so think about it carefully. Is this goal really a good thing, when you weigh all the consequences of its fulfillment?
9. How much have you already put in?
A concept studied in social psychology called “the sunk cost principle” indicates the more we’ve invested in something, the less likely we are to prematurely walk away.
How invested are you? How much money and time have you devoted? How many sacrifices have you made? Are you really willing to chalk it all up as a loss because you’re not feeling confident in your abilities?
10. What would you tell someone else if they were in your shoes?
Would you tell your best friend to throw in the towel because she can’t possibly reach her goal? Or would you practice your finest motivational speech and help her see what you see in her potential? Unless you’re secretly a frenemy who hopes she fails in life, odds are you’d push her to be her best—so why not push yourself?
It may sound kind of cheesy, but you need to be your own best friend. You, more than anyone in this world, deserve your belief and motivation.
If you’ve gone through all these questions and still feel resolute about the decision to give up, you have my blessing to abandon your goal. (Bet you feel so relieved!)
If you don’t—if there’s some lingering doubt—keep working toward that dream that fills you with passion.
Take a different approach if you need to. Enlist new assistance. Scale back your time commitment to something you can more easily maintain. But whatever you do, don’t give yourself a reason to one day utter the words, “I quit because I was scared.”

About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Awesome article, Lori! As per usual, speaking to right where I am in the world at this moment. 🙂
This is a great article, I will be sharing it with friends, colleagues, and family.
A very good read. Thank you.
Hey, liked your explanation of SMART goals.
Hmm, timing couldn't have been better. Did you write this one for me? (-; I've been struggling last couple weeks if I am doing the right thing, but now I think if I DON'T stick with my original plan and keep pushing then I'll never reach what my life can ultimately become.
Nose back to the grindstone and pushing through a bit more… keep 'em coming!
Gergorian
1. Why did you want to pursue this goal to begin with—and has anything changed?
9. How much have you already put in?
Those are definitely my two favorite questions of the bunch. Reminding ourselves why we started has always been effective for me.
i love it 🙂 its makes me think – – to continue my ventures (a week ago i decided to give up) accidentally i read this 🙂 awwww … thank you!!!
Thanks Michael! I'm so glad you found this helpful.
Excellent! I love knowing my writing makes a difference. I hope they find it useful, as well.
Thank you for reading. =)
Thank you!
Yup, just for you Greg. 😉 I'm glad you're putting your nose back to the grindstone. I think we regret what we don't do in life more than the things we do. Best of luck moving forward!
Me, too. I tend to rationalize when things get harder that maybe I didn't really want something. I find it really helpful to remember my initial passion and tap back into it by thinking about all the work I've done so far.
I hope you decided not to give up…you're most welcome!
Lori, Excellent points and a very good set of questions to bring some logic to a process that rarely has much logic. I think it's important, though, to realize that sometimes abandoning a dream is far better for yourself, your family, and your future. I have stuck with dream projects for too long on a few occasions and put myself and people around me through far more discomfort than a rational analysis of the situation would accept. Sometimes recognizing when a dream IS out of reach and letting go is the hardest decision of all.
Hi Jonathan. I completely agree with you there. I think number 8 is a very important step. Sometimes, despite all the time and effort you've put in, moving on is the bravest and smartest choice.
Spectacular article, Lori! Thank you so much for your insightful writing. ~ Nancy 🙂
This was a really great read! Thank you 😉
Really great article!! Especially at a time when people are questioning their careers/employment or in my case my lack of employment.
I'm even more motivated to keep trying!!
THX!!!!
Thank you right back. I appreciate your kind feedback!
You're most welcome!
That's awesome! I know the feeling of wanting to give up. Maintaining my motivation has always been challenging, as I'm sure it is for many others–particularly now. I think we can do amazing things if we push through that discomfort. Best of luck moving forward!
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Really great article!! Especially at a time when people are questioning their careers/employment or in my case my lack of employment.
I'm even more motivated to keep trying!!
THX!!!!
That's awesome! I know the feeling of wanting to give up. Maintaining my motivation has always been challenging, as I'm sure it is for many others–particularly now. I think we can do amazing things if we push through that discomfort. Best of luck moving forward!
You're most welcome!
Thank you right back. I appreciate your kind feedback!
Before conceding your dreams..stop. Remember why they were there to in the first place. “To thine own self be true”
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I agreed with most of this blog entry except for one thing. Not sure the “boyfriend” analogy is a good one to use. Sounds like a rather slanted opinion you've expressed there. First off, not all relationships are flings…and maybe it's better to work through it anyway. Better to have loved and lost and than never loved at all. A person can pick up college at any time in their lives. I personally didn't start university until I was out of high school 10 years. Also, sometimes a boyfriend of three months can become the HUSBAND, the love of a lifetime…and let's face it, holding onto nothing but a so-called career won't keep you warm at night. In fact, there are many lonely and homeless women who don't have a man or a career. Besides, there are plenty of women for whom all they want to do is be a wife and mother. That is THEIR dream… and what's so wrong with that? Why shoot that dream down because of some misguided feminist notion?
Hi there~
Thank you for your comment. You make a valid point, and I appreciate that you added it. College isn't for everyone, and sometimes three months can turn into a lifetime.
I took the liberty of assuming for most people, it would be an impulsive, and eventually regrettable decision to change their life path for the sake of spending more time with a new significant other, when it doesn't really need to be an if/or proposition. But as you've stated, this isn't universally true.
I am a huge proponent of love, balance, and individual choice. Every dream is valuable, whether it's to go to start a business, travel the world, or have a family. I think in the end, it's about being honest with ourselves. Knowing when we're taking the easy road because it's what we want, and when we're doing it because it's safe.
Lori
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