“The kindest thing you can do for someone else is listen without forming an opinion.” ~Lori Deschene
I was standing on Tremont St. looking for a cab, feeling euphoric after a fun night on the town. I had a couple glasses of wine—okay, several glasses of wine—so I was a little buzzed on top of that.
This guy walked by me with a dog, both looking scraggly and unfortunate. He asked me if I could spare some change.
I immediately said, “Sorry I can’t.” He’d probably just spend it on booze, I figured. That’s what they all do, right? Then I started thinking about the dog. He didn’t have a choice in all this. Maybe he’d benefit if I sucked it up and pulled out a few bucks.
I realized I was standing right near a bus line that goes down my street and decided to re-purpose my cab money. So I pulled the guy over, saying, “Wait. That’s a lie. I know you probably really need it.”
I looked in my wallet and took out a five, and he actually said, “Wow!” with tears welling up in his eyes. Damn. He had to go and show his humanity. Suddenly I felt horrible. I wasn’t being kind and generous. I was being judgmental and condescending while pretending to be a hero.
I decided to knock it off. I asked him about his life. Where did he used to live? How did he end up in Boston? Was he trying to get off the streets?
He told me he’s a musician from New York; that they’d been living in a van while he looked for construction work. I asked how he feeds his dog, and he said he manages just fine. Between every two sentences, he said, “God bless you,” still thinking about that five I gave him.
We talked for a good fifteen minutes—he in his threadbare T-shirt and jeans, and me in a dress and strappy sandals. Several men did a double take as they walked by, like something was wrong with the picture. I wondered if my initial reaction had been any better.
I saw the bus approaching down the street. In those final seconds I thought of the most important questions I could ask him.
“Does your mother know where you are? Want me to give her a call?”
“Thank you,” he said, grabbing onto my hand. “She’s not around anymore. But God bless you. God bless you.” One more time. And then he and the dog were gone.
At first I didn’t want to know who he was. I didn’t want to empathize with where he’d been or imagine he had good reasons for ending up on the streets. I wanted him to suck it up, because life’s hard for all of us. To stop feeling bad for himself, get a job, and just plain pull it together.
And then something shifted. Maybe it was the wine or maybe just plain human decency that told me to care more and judge less. So I did. And I’d like to think I made a difference.
Photo by Jennifer.

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“The first duty of love is to listen.”
Paul Tillich
Wow. I love it when people reach out to those who are less fortunate. I do believe that no matter how a person looks or appears, they deserve the same respect as if we were talking to the most influential person on Earth. A human is a human, no matter the living conditions.
“If each man or woman could understand that every other human life is as full of sorrows, or joys, or base temptations, of heartaches and of remorse as his own . . . how much kinder, how much gentler he would be.”
-William Allen White
Who's LJD?
This brought tears to my eyes. I've been in similar situations, on the giving end…but for some reason I always feel embarrassed afterward. Don't know why. It keeps me from giving more often.
Thank you.
iheartquotes
“The true measure of man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good” ~Unknown | /via @_bella_stella_
And then something shifted. Maybe it was the wine, or maybe just plain human decency that told me to care more and judge less. So I did. And I’d like to think I made a difference.
That last part got to me.
Yesterday was the first time i gave someone money on the street… i don't know what it was. I have always judged before as well. There has been something different in my heart since then.
There is nothing better in this world of ours but when humans actually show treir humanity through kind thingns like you did. I also used to do the same some times but then the better part of you says, what if that was me? What would people do if I were in the same position? Would they help me or just say, how do I know you really need it? Well now adays whenever someone says can you spare some change? If I have it, I say yes! without thinking what the person needs it for.
This world today really needs kindness from every one so hopefully your story helps a lot of people realize that today was a musician from NY. Tomorrow it could be you or me!
To be nonjudgmental is a little hard, but it makes you a really nice person! 🙂
yes. this i think, in non-violent communication, is observing without evaluating. judge less. 🙂
I wish there were more people who would just pause and consider the possibilities … like you did … Brava little lady
[…] Post: The Kindest Thing You Can Do for Someone Else SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "April 1, 2010", url: "http://dev.tinybuddha.com/quotes/april-1-2010/" […]
What an uplifting story. thank you for reminding me that we are all one, created equal, regardless of our outward appearances.rose
I wonder where The young man and his dog Daisy are now?
I wonder where The young man and his dog Daisy are now?
That was really very kind of you! I always try to help such ppl, makes me feel good.
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The Part that got to me was that he was so touched by what you did. You talked to him and acknowledged that he was human being, a person or an equal. When we think to ourselves that someone is just a bum- it makes us think they are an object as much as a stray cat or a crumbling house are objects. We disconnect our emotions from their circumstance because if we put ourselves in their shoes, we're hurt by our own apathy.
The world needs everyone to just see it from another's' perspective.
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I agree with you about respect Hannah, although I didn’t always. And Paul, that’s a great quote. LJD=Lori Jeanne Deschene.
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This is something I do every time I see a homeless person. This post taught me that we should always just do with go intention…we shouldnt let judgement cloud our ability to shine and the best of who we really are to the world around us. thank u tiny buddha. u’re awesome sauce. i read your articles every day =)
Yes I would like to know two?