“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” ~Pema Chodron
If there’s one thing that has led me the greatest amount of re-invention, it’s anxiety. By anxiety I don’t mean worry or concern. Anxiety is a different animal that grabs a hold of you and halts you in your tracks.
We tend to reject its milder forms and are really terrified by its intense moments, like with panic attacks. It’s difficult to see when we’re fighting with anxiety that it can have any benefit, but it does.
Anxiety comes with some great treasures hidden inside, and they can be yours if you know how to get to them. First, you have to stop fighting and listen to the anxiety for clues.
Getting the Message
The greatest truth about anxiety is that it is a message. Anxiety is not the real issue. It’s the voice of something else lying beneath that’s calling out to you.
Most people who experience anxiety try to go after the symptoms more than its cause and try to fight it off as if it were the only thing to deal with.
That’s not how to go about it if you ever want to know how it happened, why it’s there, and how you can gain long-term freedom from it.
STOP! YOU’RE HURTING!
The anxiety message is simple; it’s just three words: STOP! YOU’RE HURTING!
When an experience like anxiety is pleading for you to stop and notice that you’re hurting, and you know this, your next step is to find that hurt. Its severity is proportionate to the scope of what you have to address—so if you feel like you’re going to die, look for something big!
Its methods of stopping you are varied and some of the common ones are: spinning thoughts, feeling disassociated, heavy breathing, and a racing heart. Whatever works so that you’ll finally pay attention, it will customize for you.
The loudest stop message can appear as a panic attack and causes a sensation that you feel like you’re going to die. Dying is the ultimate definition of stopping within our physical experience, and that’s why we can feel that way.
The good news is that it’s an illusion. Anxiety will not hurt you in that way; but until you catch on, start listening, and heal the source of the messages, it will keep trying to spin you around so that you’re facing it long enough to hear what it’s trying to say.
“Hey! I’m talking to you! Is she still ignoring me? UGH! Ok body, it’s your turn. Make her feel like her heart will explode. HA! You stopped working overtime didn’t you? Gotcha! Now look…we need to talk…What? Now you’re hiding in a movie? Oh no you didn’t! PANIC ATTACK!”
Energy Conservation
Anxiety can feel cyclic as it persists, and it’s easy to feel haunted or trapped by it. You’re always in control though. The body, a part of nature, always seeks a point of balance and rest. When anxiety becomes cyclic and seemingly out of your control, it’s still just a part of you.
It’s being maintained by you, for you, until it gets enough of your attention for healing to take place. Whatever you keep doing or ignoring (maybe the things that led to its nascence) will continue to recreate it until you go about things differently.
This is an important realization because it can help you shift from feeling victimized to feeling empowered. It can only continue as long as you delay tending to what’s beneath the message. Anxiety cannot cause you to feel discomfort forever. It will motivate you to heal, and then leave once you do.
Who/What Sent the Message?
Anxiety messages can come from anything negative you’ve chosen to carry forward. It can be a traumatic or painful event left unresolved (usually through having had an attitude of sucking-it-up, being tough, trying to forget etc.).
It can be someone or something you have yet to forgive, or a long running perception of lack that has hindered your growth for too long.
My anxiety disorder came from high insecurity, an excessive need for validation, a frantic quest for completion through relationships, and an inability to acknowledge who I really was.
I ran around trying to please others and attempting to be who they wanted me to be. On the anniversary of a particularly painful breakup, where I convinced myself I had become less than a full person, I had my first panic attack.
It completely bowled me over and continued to do so for 4 years as it tried to get me stop and heal.
It worked. The experience of an anxiety so severe that I couldn’t leave my apartment was completely successful in making me turn my gaze away from the outside world to my inner world, where I seriously needed to focus. I could finally heal and grow.
Who I became next was a happy, empowered, compassionate person who was more focused on matters of the heart and fulfilling myself than approval from others. Anxiety became my greatest life-shifting gift, and I’m forever grateful.
Receiving the Message
Spending time with anxiety to discover the source of the message and what you have to heal can be achieved in many ways. You have to find what works best for you, but here’s a great series of approaches that seem to help everybody:
1. Welcome it.
Make friends and peace with anxiety immediately. Talk to yourself and the anxiety reassuringly: It’s ok. I’m listening. I want to hear what you have to say. I know you’re just trying to get my attention and that the more directly and peacefully I listen, the sooner you’ll stop repeating yourself.
Fighting with anxiety or resisting it will cause it to persist.
2. Write about it.
I know it’s trite to journal since it’s a suggested solution to most personal troubles, but the slower pace of writing and full engagement of your senses helps you travel down the path of the anxiety message to its source.
We don’t always know where our anxiety is coming from, so we have to take the time to dig and poke. Plus, we’re literal people. Our thoughts are literal. By using a linguistic mechanism the analogy of anxiety message becomes more clear and easier to work with.
3. Laugh.
Bring more laughter in your life. It will help you take life less seriously.
4. Love.
Express love for people, places, and things that you cherish. Be a greater beacon of love.
5. Help others with their anxiety.
The more people you help with anxiety, the greater a vocabulary you’ll develop, and this will help empower your inner dialog for when you’re sitting with anxiety.
6. Meditate.
Anxiety races thoughts and can be very distracting. With a rushing mind, it’s hard to hear the anxiety message and follow it back to its source. Meditation helps tremendously.
If you can learn to notice your thoughts without attaching to them—seeing them as cars passing by as you stand on the edge of a busy highway—you’ll become better at picking out what really matters in this moment.
7. Realize that you are enough.
Be accountable, no matter how much “such and such/so and so did” to you. It doesn’t matter. Now is what we have to work with. Tomorrow is what we have to create.
Realize that you are your own solution. You have what you need to look clearly; to hear and to heal. Anxiety is a message born within you, speaking to you through you, and therefore it’s within you to heal.
Receiving the Gifts
By learning about anxiety, spending time with it and finally holding in your hand, you can enjoy the next step: You can relax your grip, and let it fall away. It will have served its purpose. You will have loved that part of yourself and it won’t need to get your attention with such a difficult message again.
You will be connected. That’s the first gift.
The second gift is that feeling connected and with realizing that you’re enough can lead you to a cycle of inner fullness. It can give you an easy-to-remember awareness that you’re up for this, whatever the next exciting challenge or painful event may be.
The third gift of anxiety is that it gets you to recognize your own power with, instead of power over, yourself and your life.
All you had to do was listen…
About Ariella Baston
Ariella Baston is an impassioned soul living in Montreal Canada who loves to write, design and compose music. A member of the Québec Writers Federation and Girls Action Foundation, her personal goal is to stimulate a sharing of experiences so that we all grow. You can learn more about her work at http://ariellabaston.com and follow her on twitter @ariellauthentic.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.
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This is an amazing piece, thanks so much for sharing this. It really helped me organize my thoughts on my own anxiety, which I have been faced with in the past year. It’s been an up and down experience for sure. But its true, I have felt empowered after the lows of not believing in my individual strength. Recently, I’ve felt myself slipping into feelings of anxiety again, but this was a great reminder about what the experience of anxiety really is. Thank you so much!
I’m so glad it helped!
Remember that since anxiety is something that emenates FROM you, there is no slipping into anything and never anything you have to get out of (perceptual container, under a blanket etc.) It’s just a message, not something that holds you. You hold it. YOU are its container and not the other way around.
Hi, thanks for this article! Im 30 now.. and have had anxiety/panic attacks since I was 18. It’s been hell at times, particularly when I was 18 and then again at 27. I couldn’t leave the house much for about 3-4 months. i started learning all about being accountable for my feelings and did this program which really turned my life around.. I set goals for myself and really lived in the present. I even finished school and went on to become a registered dietitian, which I really believed help me a lot in being more confident, and of course making healthy food choices. A year ago I noticed that I started getting panic attacks in planes. More recently it got worse, and I can get them in trains, or as a passenger in a car (not while I’m driving unless I’m stuck in terrible traffic) I don’t understand this- One of my top loves and necessities in life is travel- I want to see the world, but I feel like I’m not in control. i even got a panic attack after getting a big tattoo on my body- the idea of it being permanent was unbearable- meanwhile I LOVE tattoos and planned it for a while. Recently I started meditation and stopped drinking so I can get to the root of my anxiety without anything dulling the process. Do you think this will help?. I would love some ideas on how to get over this feeling of having to be in control, and to help me just relax and take a long trip- to be excited and not scared….
My thanks goes to earlierthebetterspelltemple@gmail.com for helping me to get back my lost love thank you earlierthebetterspelltemple@gmail.com may your days be long so that you can continue your good work,Richards
I did the same thing – stopped drinking, reduced my meds and started meditating – but it only made things worse. Well, I did reduce my blood pressure and lost some weight without the alcohol, but the anxiety has only grown stronger. I don’t know the ultimate answer, but I would consult with a professional mental health care provider.
I’m sorry, but this is kind of silly and a little irresponsible. You seem like a very nice person with good intentions and a long journey of your own. I’m glad this has worked for you…However, there are many of us out here who are living with daily temptations of suicide because of an intolerable level of constant anxiety. Some of us (me) suffer daily with PTSD, OCD, depersonalization and depression. Some of us have spent countless hours in dialogue with our anxiety and have found no special secret messages, just more suffering. Some of us have tried meditation, EMDR, diet, exercise, psychotherapy, journaling, EFT, Linden Method, prayer, spiritual healing, etc. Some of us have even embraced our anxiety, knowing full well that resistance brings persistence, only to have it spit in our faces once again. We know that our lives need changing and that our subconscious is in pain…And most significantly, we know that for a variety of reasons our brain is stuck in the panic mode and that no amount of philosophical or existential reasoning can reset it. The amygdala is just a mute and deaf lump of tissue that is slow to respond to any calming corrections. And most of the time it only responds to physiological changes like medication or diet/exercise and meditation – not words. For those of us who can’t wait another day for the meditation diet/exercise to “work”, medication is the only real possibility – one that I’m going to try (once again).
Telling people fairy tales is not only misleading, but dangerous.
So I wasn’t suicidal enough, agoraphobic enough, insomniac enough, crying enough, panicking for 18 hours a day wasn’t enough and… Alright, you can invalidate the severity of what I went through. I don’t mind. I don’t have to matter to another. However, I was able to turn it all around and the solution was:
1-Not accept failure. Don’t believe it even exists. Who’s the judge? Who has the stopwatch? When does progress get recognized as non-failure? I gave up the illusion that failure exists.
2-Listened carefully to my suffering, submitting to it, giving up at every turn and lying there or meditating all day, just to reduce my entire existence to breathing, and then rebuild. While not everyone needs to do this, I had to. I was lost, hallucinating from not eating nor drinking, and looking like skin and bones from starving.
3-Dedicated a portion of my life to serving others, until I die. So I launched a non profit web community, and helped thousands of people wake up and conquer anxiety and drugs like Paxil (now has new owners, since 2008 http://paxilprogress.org).
Your message rejects #1 because it says you are permanently broken, a permanent victim, that you need all sorts of things.
Your message rejects #2, because you think you have to fight to win. You’ve tried so many things it shows that you have yet to try NOTHING. Anxiety can’t chase you if you don’t run. Anxiety left me quicker the less I did. Failure can’t exist when you remove the measuring stick.
Your message rejects #3 because you’re seeking to invalidate what I’ve learned and shared without reading my book, without talking to those I’ve helped, without talking to me personally, without truly knowing my story.
I worked with people in your situation for many years and even they improved their lives dramatically, but they had to stop being anxiety’s victim first in a perceptual manner. Judging your person, your consciousness, your potential, just by what your body is going through for whatever interval it has, forsaking the entirety of your future in the process, is a youthful idea. But it’s something we must all grow out of. It’s part of the journey. It’s part of the gifts anxiety has to give.
I was on Paxil for a couple years and it was a nightmare. The withdrawal experience along took a year to clear up. Before that it was Zoloft and I didn’t last a week because it sent me into the worst fit of abdominal pain and marathonic screaming I ever imagined possible for a human being to suffer through. Once free of all meds, the nightmares were gone. They taught me that external solutions were not the answer, and that I would create my own. We are all to unique and diverse to be rescued by external things. They only reinforce the beliefs we need to outgrow that we are less than, broken, and dependent.
It sounds like you’ve tried accepting the creations of others but have yet to create your own solutions that work, reliably. Keep exploring and keep trying things, but you won’t be able to match solution with cause if you haven’t mastered fundamental beliefs for well being like non-victimhood and personal sufficiency.
You’re advocating “I need a solution” while I am advocating “You are already your solution.” Being the solution means becoming cognizant of choosing what works, not going around like a victim and needing waiting for what works to come to you, so that you escape accountability and credit.
Pain is an experience. Suffering is a judgment. Transforming that is a part of growing enough so that anxiety slips away. It takes time. I wrestled with such things for 6 years, then helped others for about 6 more as I continued to grow with them. I wasn’t measuring time then. If I became anxiety free in 6 months or 50 years, I was just fine with the journey, with the daily commitment to creating and innovating my way away from it. Together we discovered the kinds of truths I’ve briefly introduced in this article, and wrote at much longer length in my book Healed by Anxiety http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/63389.
So have some faith. You’re already making progress with the fact that you’re exploring, questioning, doubting, and more. This is what the beginning of a journey away from anxiety looks like. It’s all chaotic and bouncing off walls. I went through that too. But get excited because the middle that comes next will have more progress and you’ll love it. 🙂
ps:Do yourself a favour and not obsess over brain anatomy and parts and bits, because anxiety doesn’t give a shit about that stuff. Anxiety is a body mind spirit experience and you feel it on all those levels. Focusing just on the brain part gives you nothing, and brain science is still so new they can barely spell letters with blocks if you get the analogy. You can’t wait for them. Be and create your solution now. If anything it makes you feel mechanical, like some machine, and that’s not a message of wholeness and fullness. It creates more detail to fuel the stories anxiety likes to spin.
I once tried reading a book called “emotional intelligence” while feeling suicidal and having horrible gut-twisting racing thoughts, and it nearly pushed me over the edge I was teetering on. Nothing is more victimizing than adopting ideas that we are broken machines or biologically deficient. It made me feel a million times worse. I noticed others making that mistake while at paxilprogress.org and it didn’t help anyone to get all biological and create a false sense of security “oh, if I know the brain parts, clearly I am in control, making progress”. Progress is only measurable through good days outnumbering the bad, not in brain vocabulary. You would not believe how much progress people make with anxiety when they let go of the biological details. They don’t matter. They’re just daggers to fall onto while tripping from learning to stand.
I have anxiety attacks when I have to deal with people and when I leave the house. So my body is telling me to just stay home, alone
Not quite. 🙂 The physical effects of anxiety are part of the ingredients that make up the message. The message isn’t at a high level that it can articulate “stay home alone”. Like I suggested in the article, it’s inviting you to look at it, but in context of the rest of your life and not in a bubble. Points 3, 4 and 5 are highly suggestive of not staying home alone. Feel the fear and go out anyway to do enriching things because life doesn’t wait, but when home, definitely invest in exploring why people and the world are so stressful? What happened?
I used to have total agoraphobia, did laundry in the bathtub, starved, and became a rack of bones. I often sat and stared at the floor all day as marathonic panic attacks chewed me to pieces. When I got motivated to change this, I pushed myself to go out in very small steps, adding a bit more over time. First I’d try going outside for a half hour, then an hour. Then I tried walking around the cul-de-sac, then to a park. Eventually I could walk for several hours and felt ok. After a couple years of gradual steps like these I was finally free to do great things like travel several days and across thousands of miles. Anxiety wasn’t telling me to stay home. It was saying to take the time I needed to heal, regardless, and that’s what I did in the moments I wasn’t pushing on imagined boundaries.
You can juxtapose healing with pushing forward. The two can be mutually self-enforcing, just as cowering and staying home can also become a downward spiral. When you go out, carry the anxiety with you. That’s fine. It’s hard, but it’s part of the listening process. Anxiety is often experienced as a filter and it’s useful to see how your view of the world is being affected. You may get clues about where it comes from and how long it will need to stay based on what you see outside the home and not just inside it. 😉
For example: I found it TONS easier to leave home and ride in a car if I was driving it, but would not go anywhere near public transportation like a bus. The difference was in the feeling of being in control. Insecurity or being too dependent on a feeling of control (ie: low faith in the unfolding of life’s events as being good) are very common sources of anxious messages. I wouldn’t have discovered this by just staying home.
What a wonderful post, thank you!
This post spoke to me on many levels. I have been reading books, taking classes and workshops and so on and so forth…yet this simple post cut to the core of what I have been working on my entire life. Now all I have to do is the work – hahha! Seriously, thank you so much…this really touched me profoundly. I have a wonderful, amazing life yet I have always felt an undercurrent of anxiety…nothing that stopped my life at all…an undercurrent, like my operating system ran on low level anxiety. Now I am ready to face it, embrace it and allow it to speak to me.
I’m so glad it connected with you Kathy! I’ve read so many books and they were sort-of helpful too, but it wasn’t until I just jumped into real-life experiences with my full attention that answers came. Best wishes for following that current to its source! You’re amazingly resilient for having carried that for so long. Let that be a reminder that you’re already well equipped for change! 😀
Thank you for this post. I am 34 and currently pretty much housebound. I was housebound back in 2000 for about 7months then with therapy I got better. But it started again in 2009 and has just got worse. The next few weeks are going to be a challenge because I made the decision that I want to move closer to my family. So my husband and I are moving the 4 hours back home. Should be interesting as currently driving 2 blocks away from the house sends me into a full blown panic attacks. So again thank you for this. I am still trying to figure out what is at the root of it. The one thing in common seems to be once I move in with a guy. In 200 I was engaged to a different guy now married. It is all strange and frustrating since this is not the me that I know. Thanks again for the post!
I completely understand! Hey, moving is stressful enough! Add a bit of anxiety in there, and it can be a potent mix! My solution was to come up with so many GREAT reasons for making a trip, that I got excited about going. Then, when anxiety did show up a bit (shows up less when full of the happy), it was less than it would have been if I was reluctant to go.
Forget about the trip’s distance. You can nap through that. Instead, focus on getting REALLY excited about all the wonderful possibilities that will open up once this move is done. Get emotionally happy! Feel your attachment to loved ones, and prioritize the gifts in change above the difficulty-potential in the process.
Should you get a panic attack in the car/moving vehicle, here’s a great coping mechanism. Another secret of anxiety is that it’s a time machine. (#1: message, #2: time machine) It obsesses with past and future, and that’s why anticipatory anxiety (like within the mix you’re feeling) is so much more potent, cyclic, and the key ingredient to spirals. Anticipation requires a PAST bad experience and a fear of a FUTURE bad experience. It has NOTHING to do with right now; with what’s happening to you.
So, to pull out of a panic attack in no time, or at least interrupt it for the exaggeration that it is, jump into the moment! Feel the sun on your skin, smile at the wonderful privilege of travelling, look outside at the colours and objects, look at your husband and notice his facial expression, notice the temperature in the vehicle, crack the window open and let the roar fill your ears, let love for a cherished person wash over you, feel grateful for something, anything to ground yourself in RIGHT NOW. You’ll find that anxiety has much LESS power when you’re standing as an observer of the moment. Anxiety will see that as listening, and cool its heels.
A much more FAR-REACHING coping mechanism that has saved me from total anxiety panic hell during long trips, is to realize that my soul is not in my body. It surrounds my body; animates it, and I imagine it’s the size of all of known space. So, who I REALLY am is not travelling in a car anyway, especially when I next imagine that my soul is the size of the universe. If we are ONE soul, and it’s the size of the universe, we are therefore NEVER moving and our base collective experience is stillness. There’s no fear to be had because our body got carted around by a vehicle. Who cares. The body doesn’t matter and it’s not us. Anxiety is a message for us to become aware of such things and stop thinking so small, and that’s why it takes on a scope that can feel so big.
I hope you figure out alongside these life changes what the connection is between living with someone and feeling uncomfortable about that. Did you not want to move in together either times? Is there some life experience connected with independence that you were prevented from having because of a close relationship?
Thank you for your thoughtful response! I am going to print it out to use along side my arsenal of tools I hope to use. 🙂
Cool! What other tools are in your arsenal? Maybe I can use some! 🙂
Thanks so much for this post! I had anxiety problems for years. It took me a long time to realize that anxiety is my body’s way of telling me to pay attention to what I’m feeling. Realizing the things behind the anxiety saved my life. Now, when I start to feel anxious, I can use it to help me identify important feelings that I have turned off. Excellent post!
I’m glad you liked it! Thanks so much for sharing a piece of your journey as well! I love that people have already learned these things and improved their lives. May the healing spread!
Thank you for this brilliant article. Perfect timing for me as I have had heightened anxiety today which has been building up and ongoing for months. I love this article!
I always feel like my anxiety is something I need to fight against which is incredibly tiring and not very productive! This had made me realise that I seriously need to step back and take stock of everything. I notice that my job is the common trigger of my job and constantly wonder whether it’s me that needs to change or whether I should consider a whole new career path altogether. I constantly ‘bear with it’ and try to be patient but I just feel as though I’m wearing myself out more and more. I do feel quite lost but I’m sure if I listen to my body more closely I will find the answer…
With regards to “bearing with it”, I love this lyrics from Enigma’s Return to Innocence:
“Don’t be afraid to be weak. Don’t be so proud to be strong. Just listen to your heart, my friend, and return…return to innocence”
I was really scared of allowing enough breathing and weakness to accept anxiety so I could stop fighting, let go, listen, and follow the direction to a deeper part of me, but it was the best thing I could have done! 🙂
Thank you and this is so true. I can definitely relate to this. Putting on a brave face is tiring and not getting to the route of the anxiety. I do feel scared about it but I know you are right and that this a step in the right direction!
Thank you again, I am very grateful for your article and your response
Awww, you’re welcome. 🙂 I’ve always been helped by honesty and if I’m honestly in a bad spot, I give myself permission to vent, not be amazing, and to experience that fully. Not that I don’t give in to every sensation of feeling too low however! Work has to be done, growth has to happen, birthdays have to be kept, and new shoes must be purchased! LOL!
It’s like what I replied to shhhhh’s comment. Listen to the anxiety but don’t relinquish life to it. Feel it and live anyway. It’s hard, but the dual-direction focus is very helpful!
Thanks, Ariella! Like others here, I’ve been studying and working on my axiety attacks for decades in so many ways. They’ve lessened significantly, but they’re not gone. I’ve always been a person who listens and watches for the “message” in things, watching my world for personal clues. Believing in intuition. All that stuff. But you know what? I’ve never EVER thought of my anxiety in that way.
So thanks to you for opening up that new door of wisdom for me. I’m going to start paying more attention to what I might need to address, internally, when I feel old-friend Panic Attack or his buddy Anxiety Attack coming for a visit. (And now maybe I can really think of them as old friends, if I start thinkng of them as friendly messages from my spiritual innerverse.)
Cool!
Be a loving hostess, but don’t plan on keeping anxiety as a live-in partner. 😉 May its visits become more rare in time!
Mine has been a twelve year bitter marriage! ha!
Everything is good, if you allow yourself to see it.
Love the post! Anxiety inadvertently drove me toward meditation and enlightenment (yay for that!). I refused to accept that medication was the only way to stop madness in my head. I really enjoy and appreciate the way you were able to verbalize these methods. It is a great reminder for me and I’m sure it will be extremely helpful to those who are battling anxiety currently.
I had the medication roller coaster as well. It was definitely NOT the way to go for me!
So all you have to do is believe in yourself?
I have to agree with you! Medication numbs your feelings. I believe all things have their cause. I am thankful for my Anxiety as she has taught me a lot. I now befriended her. It had made me a more spiritual person. I am happy just to hear you all sharing your experiences! Peace & Love
Thank you for your post it got me thinking about my present situation where I have been unwell for some time and I have been going to doctor after doctor and I’m not getting better the chest pains are still there along with the inability to breathe @@ times, I am just wondering if this may be my body’s way of saying STOP and deal with the stuff that’s going on in my life for some time now. I will definitely try writing in a journal and see what happens. Thanks again
I’ve experienced anxiety through chest pains, gasping for air and feeling like I’m not getting any. It could be that. Keep exploring and learning! That’s key!
An absolutely wonderful post Ariella…thank you!I love how you have cut through all the bs of therapy jargon to explain what is really the truth behind anxiety. Having been a very outgoing person I started to suffer with social anxiety at uni – that was 10years ago now. I have managed to do a lot since however dating anxiety is still very present and being that i have just turned 31 I am now getting worried that due to this phobia (i guess it is) of dating i am going to remain single whilst all my friends fall in love and get married. I am trying not to let it get me down but struggling with it. any tips on what i can do to overcome this frustrating fear??
Well, first I’d stop comparing yourself to others. You’re a unique individual. Why would you measure success by how LIKE OTHERS you are? Instead measure success by how LIKE YOURSELF you’re being. Authentic living is happiness.
What kinds of thoughts race through your head while feeling anxious about a date? What’s running around in there? Listen and follow the literal meaning of those thoughts to whatever is beneath them and you’ll have a clearer sense.
This is a great post about a subject that can be very trite. Your personal experience has obviously helped you to give anxiety and its symptoms some quality thought. Very helpful. Thanks.
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I recently self diagnosed gluten intolerance and one of my biggest symptoms was anxiety. I was a fairly level-headed, rational person prior to a major move (new province, away from family and friends), and afterward, over the course of 6-8 months I actually became afraid to leave the house, and paranoid that people were going to try to hurt me, for no apparent reason. I had my first (and only) complete meltdown panic attack. Not fun. Avoiding gluten has returned me to my normal calm self. =) Celiac disease is often triggered ‘on’ by a stressful event in ones life. Worth looking into!
[…] been meditating a little on this post from Tiny Buddha. I find I feel like I’m still missing some piece of where my anxiety is […]
[…] The Gift of Anxiety: 7 Ways to Get the Message and Find Peace … Anxiety will not hurt you in that way; but until you catch on, start listening, and heal the source of the messages, it will keep trying to spin you around so that you're facing it long enough to hear what it's trying to say. Realizing the things behind the anxiety saved my life. Now, when I start to feel anxious, I can use it to help me identify important feelings that I have turned off. Excellent post! Shanti Thank you for this brilliant article. […]
Beautiful article! Thank you. I awoke in the middle of the night with a huge sense of anxiety. I got up and had something to eat and, poof, the anxiety evaporated. For me, exhaustion or low blood sugar often leads to anxiety. Sometimes, when I remember to see anxiety as hyper-vigilance that helped my ancestors survive, this calms my anxiety. It also reminds me that when my body is not fully functioning (as when tired, hungry or sick) most of my limited awareness goes into hyper-vigilance with fight, flight or freeze as my only apparent reaction options. When my brain is fed and refreshed, I can see so many more options to respond to any situation. And now, I see anxiety not only as a reaction that helped ancestors survive, I see it as a gift that can help me thrive.
Oh yes, the triggering by some simple physical stress without some story-driven experience is definitely possible! Caffeine does it to me.
I LOVE what you wrote, “I see anxiety not only as a reaction that helped ancestors survive, I see it as a gift that can help me thrive.” 🙂
This article opened my eyes. I had my first panic attack on my honeymoon in Aruba. I felt like I had no control over my body. I was trembling so bad that my husband just held me until I fell asleep. My second severe panic attack resulted in a visit to the ER because I know no control and felt like I was going to die. This is extremely hard to explain to someone. My visit to the ER resulted in many doctor appointments and me being on medication for the past 6 months. I don’t want to say that medication is the answer to this – but for me it helped me function. I became so house bound and I didn’t want my husband to leave me alone. I never never never thought this would happen to me. This wasn’t my personality. But, my body was telling me to SLOW down! I got engaged, got a new job, bought a house, planned a wedding for 400 guests – all in 1 year. That explains it along with many person issues that I needed to get through. My husband and friends were my support system. I turned to meditation 1 hour every day and that changed everything significantly. Reading this article just made me feel so much better. It is good to know that you are not the only one. I kept thinking to myself that I had mental problems or something.. but that wasn’t the case. I realized that there are many people out there that have experienced what I went through. It is good to have a support system and know that there are others out there… thank you for this article.
Thanks so much for sharing Chelsea. That was definitely a whole bunch of stress to take on all at once! Support systems are amazing when they’re available.
To all readers:
You definitely shouldn’t label yourself ill just for being anxious. If it becomes a drawn out condition that severely takes away from your quality of life, then sure, go ahead and call it a dis-ease. Until then know that if you run to a hospital looking for illness related help, you create a strong potential for receiving a label and a prescription. It’s what they’re there to do: to help with illness. It’s not a know-thyself-and-stop-doing-a-million-things encouragement centre. 🙂
Taking on a label too soon is a VERY heavy burden for the heart and soul however. I’ve seen people get lost in drug-cocktails and completely lose their connection with what they were first dealing with. Once chemically altered and burying symptoms, it’s very hard to know what progress you can actually make, because you can’t feel as much either way.
Just be careful. Mental health drugs are not gentle, are dangerous, can increase suicidal ideation, can introduce discontinuation syndromes lasting years, can cause severe weight gain (most of your body’s serotonin is in your digestive system) and more. Drugs that play with serotonin will also affect your cortisol levels, and that’s never good. Fear and anxiety have very useful survival and social purposes, like caution and reluctance, and preventing people from projecting all their pain and hurt onto others. Once chemically removed, impulses can manifest with much less filtering and conscious intent, and the serotonergic effects will not discriminate between positive or negative acts.
Thank you for this post. Wise words and great advise on tools to deal with anxiety. After struggling with depression for a decade, I still tried to commit suicide while on antidepressants. I have found so much happiness, peace and mental health in meditation, thought reframing, writing, and more, as you suggest.
I also agree tremendously that anxiety is our cue to stop and become aware and introspective of what is going on. A person has to do use the tools to explore the anxiety and see what lesson it holds and not do things to just to avoid it.
Pema Chodron also advises to turn into the pain. I do recognize that anxiety can be serious and must be dealt with on a physical level first, if necessary, then mentally.
I am so, so, so glad that you’re still with us Debbie. *long hug* When anxiety was pushing my life into a blender, I had a suicide attempt as well. I’ve never come close to thinking about it since (16 years+- ago), and even having the memory seems absurd. Who was I? How did I get there? I’m so whole and happy today, that I can’t imagine how I could ever reach that point!
I think I have that Pema Chodron book! Is it called, “The Wisdom of No Escape”? I’ve read so many… Anyway, I do remember the text/message in that one though. Very powerful.
Body and mind are so completely linked, that I agree whole heartedly that you can deal with anxiety through the body first and then the mind. The fun bonus is that by the time you reach the mind, the soothed body will have already worked magic. The healing will be exponential with all angles covered. 🙂 I did a mixture of three things: I addressed the body and the mind as you have, but I started with my belief system. The body and mind just followed along with the belief system that I COULD do this, that I WOULD be good to body and mind, and that I dedicated my entire life to achieving the goal of being anxiety (and Paxil) free. With the time element removed, there was nothing that could parade as a setback because everything was allowed a wide birth of universally informed “worry not–everything has its own time”.
So many people abuse time in their anxiety management approach and keep themselves stuck through it. I’ll be writing a companion article that mentions that soon. 🙂
i’m a 19 year old, and i’ve been suffering from anxiety since I was 16, my last year of high school, that was a very traumatic year and I feel like it hit me so hard that I haven’t been able to recover from that. I’m going to college now, my first year (I didnt go for 2 years due to these anxiety problems, took pills last year and i felt better but classes had already started so i didnt get the chance to go), and I thought that I had been cured and this year i’d be fine. But I started classes a week ago and all the anxiety came back, i can’t sleep, i can’t breathe at mornings, i feel terrible, i can’t even pay attention to classes. And the worse thing is i can’t tell anyone about this, i dont wanna put my parents through this hell again, they’re such nice people and I don’t want them to know that i’m suffering because they’d suffer too. I don’t know what to do.
I’ve got 3 hard truths for you, and then I’ll go back to my much softer self. 🙂
1-Anti-anxiety drugs suppress symptoms; they do NOT cure. Your healing may continue.
2-Your body can develop a tolerance to a drug and the symptom suppression can fade.
3-You OWE it to your loved ones to tell them. Pride and health do not mix. You will lose and suffer longer and harder unnecessarily. I know this because I made the mistake of hiding my anxiety while at school too. (I’ve just finished writing a first-draft of a book about this so it’s fresh in my memory ) Talk. Keep talking.
Social support systems either strengthen or change when you share an anxiety experience. Your concern and compassion are well placed. However, you will not be able to attract the best support system you can unless you share the truth and let the universe reflect that and bring those to you who are in harmony with your truth.
It’s not for you to decide if another will suffer just because you’ve asked them for help. You never know who your limitless angels in life will be. To find them, you MUST share. You MUST talk. You MUST bring this anxiety out in the open to be held if you’ll ever become empowered to let it go.
If you think you’re the only student with anxiety issues, think again. You’d be amazed at the reality that most students will hide what they’re going through, as you feel inclined to, and that anxiety is pretty common!
—
Softer now…
When my anxiety disorder started in my second year of college, it hit me so hard that I became agoraphobic (had great difficulty leaving my apartment). I had to work with my school to get some breathing room to miss some classes and make up for absences through extra homework that I’d always do. I always showed up for tests and exams. I don’t know what your school can do for you, but if you ask for help and some flexibility, you may be able to get it. Make sure to balance this with your need to keep living a full life despite anxiety though. I understand the usefulness in taking two years off, but it sounds like you didn’t really want to, which means you weren’t accepting of anxiety but caving in to it. You’ll know when you’ve struck the balance between accepting/working with vs caving because you’ll find yourself feeling the fear and doing things anyway more often.
WHAT YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW
Step1 – peaceful center dive :
I know anxiety crises all too well. The first thing you can do is not over-think this. Smooth everything out. Let go of the story. Don’t compartmentalize. Don’t have an overly energized call-to-action unless that idea invigorates you. Let the days start off as meaningless, and gently give them meaning one piece at a time. Ease into your day. Spend an extra 5-10 minutes in bed and set the alarm differently to allow for that. Be really gentle, tuned into your truth as a divine being and that you’re choosing more than you realize. You’re choosing education. You’re choosing to get to class on time. You have ALL the power, so keep choosing in your favour. Smile about it. Seriously laugh at the anxiety because despite it you’re giving yourself daily gifts!
Step2 – coping techniques :
Just keep breathing. Every anxiety wave passes. Get into a bathroom stall and breathe, alone for a while if you have to, in between classes. Find ways to release the tension of that anxiety. My favourite way of doing that was to pull myself into the moment. When panic would rise, breathing, heart stuff, all of it, I’d immediately start looking around at the colours of things, hear the sounds, what my hands are touching, if there are any interesting smells or attractive people etc. Do whatever you can to take-in the world around you. Focus intently on it. Count the ruled lines on the page where you’re taking notes. You’ll find that anxiety’s call to be in the moment–its pull into it through aggressive physical sensation–can be answered by deliberately connecting with where and when you are.
This can help it pass more quickly. Use the teaching that you’re receiving in class to help you with getting into the moment too. Do interesting things like watch the mouth of the lecturer and look for patterns or habits. Make longer eye contact and take note of the teacher’s eye-colour. Are they wearing the same coloured pants that you may have seen last week? What’s the echo like in the classroom? Can you hear better if you tilt your head this way or that?
It sounds cooky, but it works! To be more subtle, you can alternate taking notes from the lecture, and writing on a separate page, “Anxiety, I’m listening. I hear you. It’s ok. Shhhh, it’s ok. I’m already working on changing the causes of you.” Been there, done that.
OR, you can take 5 minutes to just sit there and let it wash over you. Close your eyes, smile, and have a mini give-up/let go session. Let it take over. Sit there and be totally defeated by it. *looong exhale — let go* The smile is for three reasons. The first is that if you’re seen smiling by others they’ll be amused to think about what you’re thinking about, which can amuse you too thinking about what they’re thinking about. Two, the humour in the first is too much for anxiety to handle and it will cool its heels. The third is that it immediately injects a different context into that moment and the anxiety will adjust its mood. I’ve done this a lot too.
As for the feeling like you can’t breathe in the morning, you’d have to tell me if you’re thinking ahead towards the day with anxious thoughts, as in anticipatory anxiety, where your inner dialog goes, “I know I’m going to feel bad. I know I’m going to panic. Ugh, how will I get through this day?” I get the feeling you’re either regurgitating from the previous day, riding a constant wave of repetitive experiences that you’ve yet to put enough change into, or you’re anxiously anticipating anxiety each day.
Step3 – more on sharing :
Get busy talking and sharing this experience. I know you don’t want others to feel bad for you, but you can’t take their freedom to care away from them. They love you. You cannot exhaust love. 🙂 It flows through us, as us, and the real source is bigger than you can ever imagine.
—
I hope this helps! I feel for you! I’ve been in your shoes before! Keep talking and know that you’re never alone ok? *hugs*
Thank you for your reply, it means the world to me. I was looking for help from a psicologist but it’s too expensive and i can’t afford it. You know what makes me feel good? When i look through foreign schools to study Beauty and to become a make up artist, that’s what I really really love! I wish i could get to be one, I wish i didnt have to go thorugh this, going to school, feeling like this, studying a career i dont even like. I feel worse as each day goes, sometimes i have to cry when i’m walking in the street so i dont cry at home so my parents dont see it, it’s so exhausting, feeling like this and having to hide it.
Oh wow, so you’re living a lie right now. You have to get busy talking about how you feel! Don’t do an education that doesn’t mean anything to you. This life is too precious. You don’t HAVE to hide it. You’re choosing to hide it. Remember that your choices are at work and that a perceived lack of choice is just that: perception.
This is a nice take-away quote: “Now is what we have to work with. Tomorrow is what we have to create.”
Thank you. This is a nice message.
I would love to add a #8 to this list: do something physical! Not to hide from anxiety but to engage your entire being, mind and body, in unison.
Maybe this counts as love, providing your animal body with the basic thing it evolved to do: move!
I chewed my bottom lip a long time before I decided to leave that out. When I suffered with anxiety the accelerated heart rate caused me panic attacks. The mind body connection as you suggests can go in the wrong direction where if anxiety causes a racing heart beat, a racing heart beat can aggravate anxiety.
On the flip side, yes, in the long run exercise is anxiety reducing, by spending all those stress hormones. Flushing the body with water is good for that too.
And then I had to consider the behavioural component. During my second divorce, I exercised constantly as an escape from dealing with the experience, emotionally. Knowing this is a common coping technique in human beings–dash before you hash–I didn’t feel confident recommending it as an anxiety solution. Others might also be at risk of hiding from anxiety through physical distraction/stimulation, which includes prescriptions (another whole section I left out.)
Considering I wrote about anxiety cropping up louder from sucking-it-up too much, or DOing more than BEing, that was another reason for skipping it.
In short, I let my own personal experience guide me and I left it out.
Well, there’s that plus I was already at the word count limit after 7 suggestions haha. 🙂
That is interesting, I noticed a direct connection between my fast walking speed and my anxiety levels, and I was quite sure that the breathing quickly and chest tightness was reminding me of panics, so I gradually learnt how to walk slowly and found it much easier to leave my home. My doctor did tell me ‘exercise is good for anxiety but only if you actually want to exercise!’ By walking slowly, I found it also allowed me more time to recognise what signals I was being given and address them one at a time, the first one I had to deal with was ‘I’m walking so slowly everybody’s going to think I’m weird!’ lol.
Wonderful post.x
I had to walk slowly too when I started going out to exercise a bit. It took time to work up my courage to let the heart race! 🙂
I’m so glad that you grew towards it, and recognized signals. That’s great!
This is an EXCELLENT post. I suffered from extreme anxiety/end of the world/ I’m dying/dissassociation panic attacks for almost a year straight, and after reflecting back on how and what I got through it, this basically illustrated the whole process!!! I really hope this helps some people out there because I would have killed to read this back when I was going through those problems. Such great insight! keep it up and keep inspiring/helping others!
I’m so delighted that we can connect on that approach! Congrats on your freedom! I hope it helps too. It’s nice that I got out of its clutches, but it means so much more when others can be helped, just through sharing. I mean, tell someone you had anxiety problems and got through it, and they think it’s just a quick attitudinal shift. There’s a bit of that, but there’s tons more involved and it hurts like crazy!
Thank you for the wonderful insite into my soul. Were you peeking into my soul when you wrote this?
Only in that we’re all connected. 🙂
ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL! Thank you so very much for this. It touched my soul. Brilliant.
Thank you for sharing! I’m so glad to hear it resonated with you!
Lovely. Thanks for being so honest about this topic…
[…] Baston contributed a post called The Gift of Anxiety: 7 Ways to Get the Message and Find Peace on the Tiny Buddha blog recently. It’s a well-written article that contains much good sense […]
OMG! where have you been all of my life? This is excellent. I now see how I hold onto anxiety by trying to avoid it and not looking at it to understand it. I never thought of it as a self care type of message.
Thank you so much!
Aww, you’re welcome! It’s an amazing discovery!
Wow….Thats all I can really say..WOW!!!
great post…….helps to see anxiety in a whole new light. Once you accept it as a friend, as part of who you are, then its easy to see what it can teach you. I also find these 4 words particularly helpful during times of anxiety : THIS TOO SHALL PASS. These four words have helped me so much when feeling like there is no way out!
You’ve comforted me so much with this Ariella. Of all the stuff I’ve read and researched this post has had one of the greatest impacts on me. I’ve suffered with anxiety for the best part of 20 years, triggered by a traumatic experience involving my dad. I don’t feel I can share the details publicly but wondered how I might be able to drop you a line to see if you could possibly answer me a question. I think I could be so close to moving on with a little extra help from you. I can’t wait for your book release. Thankyou so much and I apologise if my request is out of order.
Hi! Although I can’t commit to a full support process, I would love the opportunity to listen and see if there’s any shared experience and wisdom I can share back! 🙂 Write me at ariellabaston at me dot com .
To keep up with me and progress on the book, use these internet coordinates taken from my bio at the end of the article: http://ariellabaston.com and follow me on twitter @arielauthentic .
Admit, accept, emote and celebrate!
I have anxiety and depression, I start a part time job soon and moved home so I have had lots of stresses on me. The most problem I have at the moment, is if I had to start work before my husband, which means I have to leave before him, that scares me so much, I dont know how to handle this, I am hoping to be ok, I am not going to take a watch with me as i would think at this time he go to work or he be at work at this time. Its very fustrating.
[…] it wasn’t the spilled water that was really the problem. Anxiety is something I know all too well. I often allow small and insignificant disruptions to cause me a […]
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I appreciate your blog, you give some great tips to anxiety sufferers. These tips will likely help me with my anxiety problems, which are related to PTSD.
I am a veteran. I served in Afghanistan. To sum things up…I blew up in the desert one day and it has been long road, and a longer fight at home than the war ever was.
I appreciate your writing. It inspires me in my own efforts with my blog. The Veteran’s Guide to PTSD. I plan on keeping up with this blog and possibly starting another one.
I enjoy writing as you can probably gather by the length of this comment. HeHeHe
Thanks for reading this.
-John-
Thanks for the kind words John, and thank YOU for your service! I’m so sorry to hear that your good will has cost you so much. 🙁 Keep sharing and talking about what you went through! People not only need to know your truth, but it can also help you work through it.
At your site you mentioned experiencing agoraphobia. I’ve experienced that myself and would love to talk to you about it if you’re willing. Send me a message at ariellabaston at gmail dot com should you want to chat. 🙂
Thank you for serving ! I admire you for that alone AND the fact that you’re doing personal emotional work to hopefully let go of the anxiety. I’m with you in spirit John. We’re travelling the same road, for different reasons. I think letting go of pain, guilt, anger will make so much room in us for true joy and feeling good about ourselves. Hang in there. I will follow your blog. 🙂
~ Patti
In the midst of Paxil withdrawal and learning that many years of covering up my feelings with a pill, I found this article at a perfect time. I am trying to feel my way through these days of ups and downs of horrible physical sensations and feeling out of control. For the first time in my life, I realize I’d MUCH rather find the feeling and cry it out, THAN be at the mercy of whatever anxiety and panic throws at me to district me from my emotions. It takes courage to look within. I hope others will DO just that to heal. 🙂
I hear you! I’ve gone through Paxil withdrawal and it’s hell. If you don’t already know, every dose change echoes withdrawal effects for MONTHS afterwards. Withdraw slowly with weeks to a month between dose changes, and don’t measure your progress on single good or bad days/weeks. Look at your progress over your shoulder as the months go by. Once free of the drug for many months, you’ll then have a clear perspective on what relationship to anxiety (that isn’t withdrawal related) you have and you’ll have a refreshed foundation to build from.
You are very wise to adopt this path of introspection. It can help you USE this time to grow into a person that anxiety will no longer be compatible with and it will fade away.
DO NOT choose a guessed date/time frame for when you SHOULD feel better and free of anxiety and withdrawal. Your body has its own pace and it will tell YOU the timeline. 🙂 My experience with helping thousands of people get off of Paxil has shown me that from the last dose you ever take, it’s not unreasonable to experience withdrawal effects for a year. For me, when I was off completely, it took me at least 6 months to get enough physical improvement to feel like I had reached a significant milestone, a year for emotional stability that felt within my control, and about another half year after that for any lingering flash-backs to completely leave (like a few more Zaps).
For more help with Paxil withdrawal, you can visit http://paxilprogress.org. If you’d like to learn more about my own journey towards, with and away from Paxil and anxiety, I’ve got a book on that : http://ariellabaston.com/healed-by-anxiety/ . If you’re financially strapped let me know so I can send you a free copy ok?
You are not alone! Failure days do not exist. Judge no moment as wasted or a regression. Every experience you have deepens your wisdom and agility with the changes you’ve chosen. When you have a horrible day and you feel you can’t cope or accomplish anything with your mind or body, just sit still, or lie down, and breathe. Withdrawal is a journey you are guaranteed to complete even if all you do while remaining drug free is breathe. Healing is often something we LET happen more than MAKE happen.
Anyway, sorry to write so much. I care about your journey and I wish you the best!
I just came across this article and post that comes at a good time for me. I have been trying to come off my anxiety meds that I’ve been on for about 5 years since I experienced a traumatic death of a sibling. The last four months have been so hard as I’ve been trying to come off anxiety medication. Ups and downs, tears, headaches, zaps, and anxiety. Very moment to moment. I experienced my first panic attack coming off the dose which has led me to more anxiety and lack of trust in myself. I came across this website which is really helping me and I’ve also found support from a therapist and doctor who’ve reassured me to have compassion for myself and not to be hard on myself if I need to regress for a bit. Unfortunately, trusting my breath like I used to do so confidently has come harder as I fear another panic attack like last time. Thank you for sharing your withdrawal experience. I feel like the public doesn’t recognize how intense of a process it is and it takes community members to teach us the real process. Thank you for the simple reminders!
Hi Ariella,
The link to your website is not longer active. How would I go about getting that book you mentioned? Also are there any other books or programs that helped you with dealing with anxiety/panic attacks?
~Ronnie S
I have gone off of Paxil, and took it slow and easy, I don’t remember big issues, other than I reached a point where I was dizzy all the time and then stopped at that point…..It does not have to be a big drawn out thing. And I certainly had my share of issue with skipped doses….interdose withdrawal was bad, but not the worst I have dealt with.
Having a generalised anxiety disorder is not that easy to treat! I had experienced having an anxiety and what I did is that I played my favorite sport tennis. That week was great! I was absent a week just to relieve my self from anxiety. It went successful and i am happy with it.
I had to read this, since I was thinking ‘Whhhaat? Anxiety.. a gift? My arse’. Haha. But it has honestly been one of the best and most enlightening thing’s I’ve read about it. Thankyou 🙂
Glad you liked it! It’s a useful shift to make. 😀
Something clicked in me after reading this.
I started paying attention to my anxiety and realized that most of it surrounds failure. I decided to go back to school and I’ve been paying attention to what inflames and causes my attacks and negative thoughts. I’ve been doing this since early February and wound up on top of my subjects last term.
I have learnt a lot in class, but no where near as much as I have learnt about myself. Things are becoming easier every week. I have a life now.. something I thought I would never be able to have.
I wanted to thank you personally for your contribution to my happiness 🙂
Sooooo goes to my heart. All those methods trying to reduce anxiety are counter-productive. This article gives the true wisdom and insights on how to answer the calls of anxiety instead of blocking it. Thanks you! Shawna
Yay for shared understanding! =D
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