“It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.” ~Eckhart Tolle
Whenever I’m tempted to play it safe with my life, whenever I start talking myself out of the risks I really want to take, I think about something my friend Jesse said years ago, when we were on a work-sponsored retreat.
After a day of travel, activities, and settling in, we were left with a free evening. As the darkness deepened, a group of us stood together, discussing our options. What would we do on our first night in the woods?
There was a pause. And then, with a look of inspired wildness, Jesse said, “Let’s go for a walk and scare ourselves alive.”
And so we walked out the doors and into the night. We carried flashlights, but we didn’t turn them on; the moonlight gave us just enough light to see by. We walked down a hill and into a valley, weaving through the trees and underbrush.
Except for the leaves crackling underfoot and the owls crying in the distance, the night was silent. The walk was just daring enough to feel dangerous, just safe enough to feel like the right risk.
Here are 3 key lessons I learned from that moonlit walk in the woods:
1. Sometimes, you need to lose control to find closeness in your relationships.
And yes, absolutely, that includes your relationship with yourself.
When I arrived at the retreat, I was feeling tired, lost, and disconnected. I’d been working hard to prove myself on the job, and though I loved my role, my self-confidence was low.
When Jesse dared us to walk out into the woods, I felt something stir within me.
As Anne Lamott writes in Plan B: Further Thoughts On Faith, “…they say that the soul rejoices in hearing what it already knows. And so…pay attention when that Dr. Seuss creature inside you sits up and strains to hear.”
Deep down, I knew that I needed to stop proving, striving, and playing it safe. My soul needed a healthy dose of daring. Prior to that retreat, I’d mistakenly believed that if I just tried harder and did what I was supposed to do, then I’d feel safe. Then I’d feel okay about myself.
Walking out into the woods was an unexpected medicine; it cured me of my false belief. It reminded me that I wasn’t made to feel flawless. I was made to feel alive. And on that night, being alive felt scary, but it also felt right.
2. Sometimes, you need to take a chance and choose to let go of fear.
When Jesse proposed the idea of walking in the woods, I felt a shiver of fear. What if we got lost? What if I tripped and fell? What if a ravenous bear suddenly appeared?
I considered the possible negative outcomes. Yet my considerations couldn’t compete with the enthusiasm in my friend’s expression. In the moment of decision, I chose to take up his excitement and let go of my fear.
This is a choice that you can make. The next time you’re faced with a risk you really want to take— a calculated risk that will move you a step closer to where you want to be—acknowledge your fear, but look toward your excitement.
Imagine the expression on your face if you actually went ahead and did whatever it is you’re scared of. If the risk you’re considering is in line with your values and your true self, chances are the expression on your face will be one of surprise and delight.
Too often, we focus on our fear, and we give our enthusiasm nary a second glance.
3. Sometimes, you need to see the risk behind the risk.
My best friend Brooke Law recently realized that making enough money to live wasn’t enough for her. Showing up every day for a job she couldn’t stand wasn’t enough, either.
True, quitting her job to work as a freelance consultant and writer felt risky, but Brooke realized that staying in a stifling situation presented risks of its own. Risks like depression and anxiety. Risks like never doing what she’s meant to do.
So, after a season of careful planning and cultivating opportunities, Brooke struck out on her own.
How’s she doing now? As Brooke wrote, “I’m still a little anxious about what comes next, but I no longer dread waking up in the morning. And that’s a gift that’s priceless.”
I know what she means. When I woke up the morning after that walk in the woods, I felt different. Braver. I felt that, in some small way, the act of daring had redefined me.
After that night in the woods, I took more risks on retreat: I went for a run in the rain with a top marathon runner. I stood next to a family of deer. I performed in a skit and laughed until I cried.
Though years have gone by, I can still remember how it felt to walk through the woods that night, that specific mix of adrenaline and excitement. I can still see Jesse’s silhouette walking in front of me, leading us into the woods.
And I’m still learning from his words, still scaring myself alive.
Photo by rowland_rick
About Caroline McGraw
Caroline McGraw is the creator of A Wish Come Clear, a personal development blog that gives you carte blanche to change your life. Visit and receive free copies of her three digital books, designed to support you as you make mistakes, fall down, and dare to rise again. You can also follow her on Facebook and Twitter.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
[…] TinyBuddha […]
Everyday I contemplate doing something for someone else in a volunteer action. But something is holding me back. I love the idea of taking the risk but ‘what if’ is holding me back. Fear of going it alone in another country is. Health issues. Money. Fear of anxiety. And yet, deep down it feels like the best thing I can do for myself. And I usually love a challenge. Enjoy pushing myself past the comfort zone. But in the mean time I busy myself with stuff that I deam important just so I don’t have the make a decision…today. Thank you for the reminder Caroline.
You’re most welcome, Catherine! I hope you’re able to take the leap (and all the smaller steps leading up to it) soon! I’m rooting for you 🙂
Thanks for the great story Caroline. I love the tag line, ‘scare yourself alive’ it’s so very true. Actually I often have to remind myself how rewarding it can be to move outside of my comfort zone because it’s so tempting to sit back and stay with what’s familiar and easy. The funny thing is, unless we regularly work to expand it, our comfort zone tends to get even smaller and more restrictive.
Catherine I am going through the exact same dilemma! I want to go volunteer abroad as well, but I am scared to fly on a plane alone, scared I won’t be accepted, scared I won’t make any new friends, scared I’ll get sick, scared to be away from people I love. But I know I need to go, it’s just so difficult to take the plunge. But I know once I do it will be an amazing experience. Thanks TinyBuddha, many of your articles have really helped me reason with myself. I am such an overthinker and I need to just do it.
Great post Caroline, we must find that inner strength that resides within each and every one of us, but, in order to fully understand our limits and exceed them, we have to be willing break free from our comfort zones, take the figurative bull by the horns and just go for it. Very important message in your post today and i thank you for sharing.
Amazing article! I am going through the same types of feelings.. I feel like I need new challenges and I want to do exciting/scary things. I’m yearning for daring experiences.. because I now realize that it doesn’t have to be scary. I don’t have to let my fears have control!!
Thank you for this post!!
Caroline.
I love the quote from Anne Lamott “they say that the soul rejoices in hearing what it already knows.” What a wonderful reminder for a day that started out a little edgy — or maybe that was me! I will be ready to feed my Dr. Seuss creature as I step through my day.
Thanks so much.
Thank you Big Zen! I too was struck by the simplicity + power of that line…
Wow, Kyla ~ I’m so glad you + Catherine could connect over your shared desire to volunteer abroad (and the shared fears surrounding it!) Traveling mercies as you go!
Well put, Declan! You’re very welcome 🙂
Thank you Justine! I think that Jesse’s words came back to me + inspired this post because I, too, have been longing to lead a more daring life.
🙂 Anne Lamott has helped me get back on track so many times…rare is the post in which I don’t quote (or consider quoting) her! Thanks for sharing where you’re at, Susie; I appreciate the affirmation!
Lovely Post! You are right, there is a huge risk in not taking risk. The risk of denying yourself opportunities you deserve, denying yourself to get in touch with the inner you, denying yourself to feel free, laugh….
The more terrifying the risks….the more refreshing and revealing they are….
Beautifully said, Curious! Thank you for the reminder.
To Catherine & Kyla: Go do it! I too spent too many years putting off my desire to travel. When I finally did it, it was the best thing I had ever done! I travelled alone and it was all fine. In fact there are huge advantages to it.
However I am now fighting the big fear monster again. This time I want to set up my own business and I am finding all the reasons why it might not work out. But once again, deep down I know that when I do it, it will most likely be just fine. Here’s hoping I can scare myself once more and feel alive again…
Thanks Caroline for your article.
You’re welcome, Colette! Thank you for sharing your experience + encouraging Catherine + Kyla as well.
All the best to you on your next endeavor! I agree, that deep-down knowing can overcome a lot of fear, and the assurance that you’re moving in the right direction is invaluable.
[…] Click here to get the goodness —> Stop Waiting To Live: Scare Yourself Alive […]
Sometimes I tweak the Thoreau quote to be, “Go boldly in the direction of your fears.”
Sometimes I tweak the Thoreau quote to read, “Go boldly in the direction of your fears.”
Nice adjustment, psdlund!
What a gift Jesse was to the group . . . I hope he knows how much he contributed to your growth Caroline.
Life is a risk. I’ve always taken risks and the outcomes vary but one outcome that is constant is growth. If we’re not growing, we’re dying. Life is also a process of letting go . . . letting go of fears, control, perceptions and so many things that hold us back for real living, real contribution, real love.
Thanks for this post Caroline, I very much enjoyed it!
Thank you. You have helped make a large life decision very clear.
Karol, I’m so glad! 🙂 Naturally I’m curious as to what the decision is…! Happy to have played a small part in it.
Risking + letting go…you said it well, Darris.
You’re most welcome; I’m thrilled to hear that you enjoyed the post.
There seems to be something about scaring yourself alive. The rush of this idea is an ecstasy that most people should experience. Many years ago, I always though why I put myself in situations that would scared me. I later realize it is a challenge on how you will live in that given moment. After I pass those situations I would feel alive and inspired…almost as if I conquer a great war. I have forgotten about this idea and the feeling. Reading this article had sparked a want to do this again. Maybe it will help with my writing. Great Post!
I like how you say it, Jungo; “a challenge on how you will live in that given moment.” I hope the post sparks some new adventures in your writing!
If this didn’t come at the exact perfect time I don’t know what has! Caroline, thank you for posting this. I just committed to a major business decision and was questioning my thinking (sanity?) as I was scared of the possible outcome – FOR SUCCESS! If you an imagine that. It just felt overwhelming and your story brought all my feeling to light.
Thanks Lori for allowing Caroline to post this. And Caroline – keep inspiring others as you have us!
Thank you Santa ~ so glad it was of service to you! Oh, and I can definitely imagine fearing success…I fear it daily 😉
This is so true what you said Sometimes, you need to see the risk behind the risk. Because what is more of a risk is breathing instead of truly living. Fear, anxiety and other negative emotions will put you in jail inside your own body. But when you let go YOU ARE FREE ONCE AND FOR ALL! Caroline thank you for your powerful, positive words. People NEED to hear what you have to say!
Thank you, Deanna! So glad to hear that the post spoke out to you.