“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” ~Unknown
I know you.
You’re smart. You’re driven. You’re a “good girl/boy.” You found out a long time ago that life goes more smoothly for people who follow the rules, so you learned the rulebook inside out.
People expected things from you, and you made it your job to live up to those expectations—and probably beat yourself up inside when you fell short.
But now you’re stuck, the way anyone who has spent their life making other people happier than they make themselves gets stuck.
You wish you could go back to school to study what you really love doing, or maybe you want to start your own business, or buy a camper and drive cross-country, or move to a big city. Or quit your high-stress, high-paying job and instead do simpler work for less money that makes you look forward to getting out of bed every day.
And every once in a while, when you’re not busy getting your to-do list checked off or giving your time to the people in your life who always seem to need you—when things get real quiet—you feel absolutely desperate.
You hear the clock ticking, and it’s the ticking off of the moments of a life that’s passing you by.
You see a whole string of days ahead of you. Out of bed. Off to work. Watch the clock. Count the hours ‘til the weekend. Rejoice on Friday evening. Lament on Sunday night. Repeat.
Nothing new. Nothing real. Nothing joyful.
You know, somewhere inside you, that there has to be more than this.
I know you. I am you.
I realized not long ago that I’ve spent my entire life waiting for permission. Because I’m a good girl, you see. In my twenties I felt the burning desire in my heart for something more than a go-nowhere nine-to-five office job and the bar on the weekends.
I wanted a career as a singer. Travel. Excitement. Adventure. Heart-stopping moments of bliss.
And I wanted somebody—anybody—to tell me that it was okay, that I should go ahead with it. I don’t mean Oprah or some random person speaking to the masses. I wanted somebody who knew me to give me the green light.
Guess what? It never happened, and it never will. Why? Because nobody can give us permission but ourselves.
Nobody outside ourselves knows what’s going on in our hearts, no matter how we try to explain.
Have you ever found this to be true? You can try and try, but there’s a nuance, a depth of desire, that’s impossible to describe. It has to be felt, and nobody else can feel it but the person whose heart is burning.
So we wait. We wait for permission. Many of us die waiting for it.
I don’t want to die waiting for it. Do you?
It’s time for us to come out of our shells and admit that we want more. Let’s be honest with each other and ourselves about what we want out of life. Let’s truly support each other and push each other and not take any excuses.
And let’s stop taking guff from the rest of the world—the ones who are still too afraid to leave the status quo behind. If that’s really what they want, let’s bless them and then move the heck on, because life is too short to be wasted on wondering what somebody else thinks of us.
We simply have to be the heroes of our own lives. I’m willing to dust off my cape and step into that role.
Are you?
Here are some bits of resistance that will probably come up for you once you decide to reclaim your hero status. (Because you were totally the hero of your own life when you were a kid; you just forgot. Don’t worry. It’s totally cool. Most of us forget!)
This is too hard.
No, it’s not easy. But what’s easier—living a beige life for endless (yet all-too-short) years, or accepting discomfort in the present in order to live the technicolor dream life we yearn for?
There comes a time when we have to move through what’s hard in order to get to “What took me so long to get started?” This is growth, and growth can be uncomfortable, but it’s always worthwhile.
I’m too old to get started.
This logic makes absolutely no sense, yet I’m willing to bet there’s no one who hasn’t told themselves this at some point.
Guess what? If school is going to take you four, five, or six years, you’ll just get that much older anyway, whether or not you go to school. Wouldn’t you rather be happier and feel more accomplished at that point, or would you rather just feel older?
What will ______ think?
Listen, nothing anybody does or thinks or says to or about us has anything to do with us. It’s all about their own hang-ups, insecurities, and jealousies.
We all apply the filter of our own experiences to what we see other people doing with their lives, and chances are our interpretation of even the people closest to us is way off base.
People won’t accept me.
I can’t even be flippant about this because you’re probably right. There will likely be at least one person who can’t get onboard with your authentic vision for your life. But you know what? For every one person who can’t understand you, there are fifty people who will—you just haven’t met them yet.
This isn’t the right time.
Fact: There will never be a right time. Waiting for the right time is just a form of procrastination that stems from fear. Now is the time to get moving. You’ll figure things out as you go.
Am I crazy?
No. You’re finally sane. It’s the version of you who believed life was meant to be a boring slog-fest that was crazy.
Is this even worth it?
Yes. A million times, yes.
So. You ready? Let’s do this. Let’s reclaim our dreams, and when we do, we’ll inspire others to do the same.
Because life is too short to be spent waiting for permission to get started.
About Jennifer Bardall
Jennifer Bardall believes that life is best lived on purpose. Her book, Delicious, describes her battle with emotional binge eating and encourages others to put down the fork and pick up their life.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
This article is definitely an eye-opener. I believe that everyone can live their lives on their own terms, without harsh judgments and criticisms.
I HATE being told how to live my life, since I know what I want, and know where I’m going. Unfortunately, some people couldn’t respect my decisions, so I did myself a favor, by cutting them out of my life. I prefer positive vibes and support.
Thank you Jennifer, for sharing your experience.
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Thank you, LaTrice, for sharing yours! You made a smart move by deciding who you wanted in your life. 🙂
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I love this definitely feeling this right now.
Thanks Samantha! So are you ready to take the first step or are you already hard at work on this? 🙂
Great post, Jennifer. All these excuses cover up the fear of doing whatever we feel called to do. I especially love “living a beige life.” Beautiful! We’ve all done it. And hopefully you’re inspiring folks to turn on the colors.
Thank you for this!
Started. I always wanted to write, and followed all the advice. I did the university course, did all the SEO and social media, and just felt stressed and unhappy. So recently I started to follow my heart and I’ve recently deleted all social media, and forgotten the SEO, and the training and teaching myself to write from the heart once. Yet, since I started to follow my heart other areas of my life are also falling into place in a way they have never done. At the moment I am completely trusting the universe and just going wherever my hear calls me in life, and I’ve never been happier. The life I’ve always dreamed of is actually starting to happen
Thanks for this. I unfortunately think a lot of people get stuck not just on “Is it worth it?” but also “Am I worth it?” Do I deserve space in the world to be my best self? Do I love myself enough to commit to this?
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Thank you very much for this! Just what I needed to read today 🙂
So glad you liked it!!
That’s very true – a great point.
Thank YOU! Love this, ‘inspiring folks to turn on the colors’, that’s great! 🙂
That is AMAZING! I love how you notice the other pieces falling into place. I’d love it if you keep me posted on your progress, what an inspiration!
I feel like the Buddha on the right hand side of the page after reading this (in the ad for Guide to Loving Yourself).
It is amazing. People always say trust the universe and go with the flow, but when you stop saying it and actually do it miracles really do happen. Will definitely keep you posted.
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What a wonderful piece of straight between the eyes wisdom! Like you, I AM that woman Jennifer – I recognise each and every one of those pieces of resistance and to be totally honest, even though I’ve made huge progress, I don’t think they’ll ever go away for good! I’ve just learned to be ever-vigilant and whenever I experience fear and limitation, I know it’s likely to be resistance in disguise. As you say, growth can be uncomfortable but then again, that’s nothing compared to the discomfort of living a life filled with regret at opportunities not taken. The best antidote to resistance I’ve found comes courtesy of the wonderful Susan Jeffers: Feel the fear and do it anyway!
Great article – thank you.
Exactly how I feel about my acting career.
i can fully relate with what you said above, but can i apply that to my life right now? I am only 16. i hate school. i know it’s normal but i always feel there’s something out there for me and school is not everything. i want to do what i love but because of schoolwork, i cant.
P.s. Please don’t tell me to have time management.
yes! thank you! 🙂
You’re so right – it never really goes away and we have to be super vigilant about recognizing and squashing the resistance when it comes up. 🙂 Thanks for taking the time and yes, I love that Jeffers quote!!
So Talya how’s that going?
What is it you really want to do, Tamilyna? I’m really interested. No, I don’t think it’s time management – what you’re talking about is more fundamental than that. Besides, I know school kids nowadays have a ton of work and even if you WERE just talking about not having enough time in the day, you wouldn’t be exaggerating.
You’re so welcome!!
Really?? I’m so glad! 🙂 🙂
This resonates with me so much, but I’m in high school and my attendance is legally enforced and therefore I can do nothing about it. I appreciate my education and I think that college is kind of a necessity, but I’m horribly depressed and lose momentum very quickly and instead start listening to music and making art and writing and going to bed at reasonable hours without having done anything conventionally productive. Not sure how I’m supposed to continue like this without being severely depressed and suffering every second, but other people have and I guess I’ll have greater freedom when I graduate?
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Absolutely agree! By stepping out of the shadows and making the necessary steps into your own path, you are not only giving yourself permission, but also carrying the torch for others. You are already a winner no matter what the outcome may be.
Another point I’d like to add, is to follow YOUR dream, not what you think you should be doing. Sometimes, our dreams change and evolve. Step back and really visualize and think about what you are passionate about and WHY.
Don’t live a life of regret and wondering ‘what if’ or ‘if only’. Live in the present, not waiting for retirement!
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That’s such a good point, Ania – it has to be YOUR dream, no one else’s, and it’s okay to change or shift that when the time comes.
Jo, you’ll absolutely have more freedom when you graduate. Here’s the thing about school: Rarely does anybody want to be there, and rarely does anybody who didn’t finish NOT wish they’d paid more attention and stuck with it. Believe me, it doesn’t seem to make a difference in the moment but it definitely does as you get older. Once you graduate high school it’s up to you whether you want to go straight on to college or take some time to decide what it is what you really want to do. I’d choose the latter if I were you! But for now, it’s generally best to put up with the discomfort of the moment rather than face much greater discomfort w/o a diploma for years to come.
It’s a matter of mindset, too. Instead of thinking “This is holding me back right now” try shifting your thoughts to “This is going to help me have a better life later”. The time you invest now is going to pay off. No, you might not ever use algebra (who aside from mathematicians and teachers do??) but the fact is, employers look for that diploma at the very least. This IS worth it. It WILL pay off. Even if you want to be an artist or writer, odds are you’re going to have to get some sort of a job to make ends meet while you establish yourself. 🙂
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Oh my gosh. I cried the whole time I was reading this because it describes me perfectly. Thank you for such a beautiful piece!
Hi, Bardall – Thanks a lot for this precious article. You have reminded me of my past experience I used to have graduated from the university, ending my life working in the factory close to my hometown, getting well-paid salary. But always counting a time to reach 5 p.m., to get ready back home. Keep living a routine circle of life, until I am able to realize that this is not the life I want!!! I do not want to die end up living life like this. On that time, I advised a lot with my mom, my older sibling (who as well gets the high well-paid job). You know what, many advices I received, always NO, “you should not leave this company, May. Many people died for it to enter this international organization.” But what I do realize on my own though is that I cannot bear living my life like this anymore. So, I resign from the job…
Hi Jennifer and everyone! I’ve been working with a spiritual mentor for a few months now and one of my biggest realizations was when she said, “Meredith, you know what you want and you are following your intuition. Your biggest trigger is when you let other people’ influence over-ride that intuition.” And that, my friends, is what has kept me small all these years. It’s waiting for permission.
It’s a hard thing to realize, understand, and act on the fact that no one knows what is best for us than ourselves. And therefore, we don’t need anyone’s permission but our own. And that takes bravery. Courage. I’ve been writing for my own blog for a few months now and getting ready to publish a children’s book on kindle and I keep telling my husband, “You’ll see…”
Honestly speaking this is so true, everything you said there was all me. Always waiting for the right time, which never happens and the worried feeling of how others will see you after you have done this bold step. Thank you so much for the message very uplifting and strengthening too.
Wow this is a wonderful post. I loved it 🙂